A Beautiful Lie
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: Sam & Andy deal with their breakup, only thing is Sam can't get anywhere near Andy when he tries to apologize. Faced with holding a bomb, Sam finally gets to tell Andy how he feels but she's less than forgiving & tells him the worse lie she can think of. Then there's the problem of Andy's one night stand, her leaving & Sam giving up on her.
1. Chapter 1

Summery; Sam & Andy deal with their break-up, only thing is, Sam can't get anywhere near Andy, when he tries to apologize. Faced with holding a bomb, Sam finally gets to tell Andy how he feels, but she's less than forgiving, & tells him the worst Lie she can think of, then there's the little problem of Andy's one night stand, her leaving & Sam giving up on her.

A/N- Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing or just following or favoring any of my other fic's. You guys are soooo awesome!

**** Just a reminder, I haven't seen season 3, just some promo's so this is how my mind imagined this going.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine, the rest is all me, including any mistakes!

Special thanks to Kelly2727 as usual, hope you'll check out her awesome fic's too!

Chapter one.

Six weeks was a long time to let the lingering looks hang in the air, slivering between him and her as whisped glances, self inflicted misery evident in his eyes every single time he let them sweep in her direction. Whether he was looking at her, just to watch her, or looking her over to make sure every extremity was still in place and whole, the misery burned in his eyes, dancing flames of regret lighting them up everytime she came into view.

Everyone who looked at him could see it, and they knew it too, but still they kept her sheltered from him, hidden away in an invisible bubble of security that was meant to keep her from hurting any more, meant to give her time to heal her broken heart.

Whenever he approached, he was distracted just long enough for her to be whisked away, or he was stopped and detained until she made her escape. Best was doing what he thought they needed, giving them time and space apart, even though neither of them had ever done either really well. Best was keeping her partnered with everyone but him, and occasionally giving him a partner just to make everything appear normal. But they were never partnered together.

At the Penny, she was again sheltered from his advances, both times she had been there in the last six weeks. Six weeks since he left her standing there, crying in the rain.

He knew what they were doing, and even though it was frustrating and annoying the crap out of him, he respected each and everyone of them a little more for it. He appreciated the fact that they were looking out for her, protecting her, even though it was from him.

Six weeks ago, he thought he had been doing the same thing, when he uttered the words in a careless whisper, letting them roll from his lips only to have them steal away her breath and break her heart. Break his own heart.

He said the words with truth, he meant them, he really did, but they just come out wrong. How they were worded in his head and how they formed on his breath were worlds apart, they weren't meant to destroy what she felt for him, they were meant to warn her, enlighten her, tell her just how intense he felt whenever she was around, and how overwhelmingly, intoxicating she really was, how passionate his feelings were, but instead they came out in anger, laced with sorrow, burning in fear and crushing the very essence of what she had once felt for him.

Since then, he had not been allowed within two feet of her, everyone closing him off to keep her a little together a little longer.

And all he wanted was to apologize.

Say he was sorry.

Say he didn't mean it, the way it came out anyway.

He was tethered on the side of grief that turns to anger, when reasoning turns to blame, at Jerry, the world, the cabbie, himself and somewhere along the lines, he just lost himself, allowed the fear and anger to destroy a part of him that he was never gonna get back.

That part was Andy Mcnally.

She deserved to at least get an apology, although she deserved a hell of a lot more than that if he was honest with himself. She deserved someone that could actually keep her safe, someone that wasn't careless and reckless, someone that was actually there when they were needed, not like he had been with Jerry. Jerry died because he wasn't there, didn't have his head focused.

He couldn't do that to her, when she deserved so much more.

Walking into parade and taking his seat at the back, Sam couldn't help but let his gaze be drawn to her.

Again her presence in the room just seemed to ignite the atmosphere to burning temperatures as she made her way in for parade. Taking up a seat further forwards than she used to, she sat down in silence, her head hanging slightly down as she avoided looking in the faintest direction of the back of the room, where he sat in muted silence, casting wayward glances around the room, as he leaned back in his chair, in an attempt to subtly watch her.

But she never looked his way, never acknowledged his presence, never smiled in his direction.

It was like she had erased him from her life.

Since Jerry's death, they all had a tough time. Sam had watched her battle with comforting Traci, her own personal emotions swept under the rug so she could be there for her friend, coz she needed her more, and that was just who Andy was. Always putting every other soul before herself.

As Best handed out assignments, Sam heard Epstein being paired with Andy and himself with Collins, not his most favorite person in the world right now.

Sam had seen Andy and Nick form a tight bond, just like the friendships she had with Epstein and Diaz, only it was different.

He had seen them arrive at work together more than a dozen times over the last month, and the reason he thought it was different is because he was jealous.

Insanely jealous.

Jealous of the fact that Collins was bringing her to work on rainy mornings. That he was out patrolling with her, sat next to her once out of her two recent trips to the Penny.

And that was what he used to do.

It was as though he was being replaced, but he was only jealous over Collins because he missed doing the things that he had so selfishly let slip through his fingers.

He really didn't think that there was anything else there, other than just friendship, Andy wasn't that kinda girl, but the thing is, he doesn't really know Collins that well. And they had chemistry, even he wasn't blind to that. Not the same as the burned to ashes, electrifying kind of chemistry he had with Andy, the kind that would ignite with one look, or one touch, but Nick and Andy had chemistry never less.

At the though crossing his mind, Sam let a growl stir the silence of the cruiser as he took the drivers seat before slamming the door, causing Collins to stare at him.

"Its not what you think Swarek". Nick said before turning to stare out the windscreen as Sam pulled out the parking lot.

"And how would you know what I think?". Sam couldn't help the irritation emanating off of him as he slowed his driving to a more responsible speed.

"Its permanently written all over your face". Nick chanced a look in Sam's direction to find a cold stare glaring from dark eyes.

"Its not something that just goes away either, no matter how much you try to hide it, its still there, so don't try deny it Swarek".

Nick's words caused Sam's foot to become slightly touchy on the brake for no apparent reason.

"Never said I was". Sam mumbled, attempting to end the conversation, as he started chewing the inside of his lip.

"Its just really hard for her. The things you said, they might just never be forgiven. She's going through a really tough time, we just don't want you to get the wrong idea". Nick's words clearly starting up the conversation again, the topic- one he would rather avoid.

"And what idea do you think I have Collins?".

"We just don't want her to get hurt, you've done that well enough to last her a lifetime".

Sam hit the brakes again, this time abruptly halting all forward motion of the cruiser.

"Are we done here?". Sam let his hands throttle the life out of the steering wheel as his gloved hands clenched around it.

Nick just nodded his head as Sam pulled away from the middle of the street where he had suddenly come to a dead stop.

Andy had let slip what he had said to her, the cruel words he now wished he could take back being uttered into the ears of Nick somewhere along the lines. Just how close were Nick and Andy?

Sam felt the thought slap his heart until it just about stopped when an unseen force closed around it and began to squeeze and clench the heartbeats from it.

Had she moved on in the last six weeks? Or was his mind just looking for another reason to back off?

"So um...you and Mcnally huh?". Sam just couldn't help the words as they slipped free, causing Nick to go just a shade whiter as he turned to face Sam, his lips in a thin line, his eyes wide. Sam did a double take of Nick's features before he literally felt sick to his stomach.

But he had to know.

Nick took a moments silence, searching for words to use in response to Swarek's statement when dispatch called all fifteen division cruisers back to the barn.

Sam walked into the barn, aware of the many sad looks passed his way, while others looked away the minute their eyes met his body as he walked towards the parade room which was a buzz of activity.

Oliver came to stand next to Sam as he leaned against the back wall waiting for Best to come into the room and brief them on the need for their presence back at the barn.

As Oliver jostled around from foot to foot, Sam let out a huff of agitation, Oliver clearly had something to say, but obviously didn't know how to approach the subject.

Sam let his eyes draw across the room, if Oliver was nervous there was good reason, so he let his eyes sweep the room in search of her. She was missing as was her paired partner, Callaghan and Best.

"Just don't get mad". Oliver whispered as footsteps approached the doorway, before Best, Callaghan and Dov entered the room, Andy still remaining missing.

The panic slammed into him when Epstein turned and gave Sam a remorseful look, before he hung his head and walked away to take a seat next to Diaz.

Sam felt himself tense up as he saw Best and Callaghan walk to the front of the room, where they began briefing everyone while pointing out a range of photos.

Sam's attention was minimally focused on who was saying what and pointing where, his thoughts revolving only around the still missing body, until Callaghan put

a head shot of her up on the board, the left side of her face transformed from its porcelain white color, to an angry red and purple welt, a bruise that caused Sam to literally stop breathing for a split second.

"... Officer Mcnally was able to tackle him, but he threw a punch before running into rush hour traffic. Mcnally's fine...". Bests words were accompanied by a brief look at Sam who had shifted his gaze to the floor, his eyes not wanting to see images of her like that.

"...Consider him dangerous, he will not hesitate to use violence and force. He escaped from us, and we are gonna get him back! Most importantly we need him alive, do not shoot to kill, we need to find the kid alive, so I want all eyes out on the streets. Use all contacts, I want her found, and him back in my cells...".

Sam registered words here and there, but gathered that John Gray had grabbed another little girl after escaping lock up.

And less than half an hour into shift Mcnally just happened to stumble on him and get herself punched in the face. She was fast, really fast, and he knew that few people would ever be able to outrun her, not because she was fast, or nimble, or full of endurance, but because she wouldn't give up the chase.

She just would not let it go, and she would run until she couldn't anymore, and most people just gave up after a while, but never her.

Sam heard the brush of material to his right, and casting a weary look towards the door, his eyes found her boots as they came to a stop just inside the doorway.

His head snapped up and he came face to face with the now really swollen, purple mark that graced her cheek. She looked straight ahead, feet planted still in the doorway, her face trying not to betray the emotions she was feeling.

Sam audibly sucked in a breath as his eyes took her in, before he turned and took a step towards her, fighting the urge to run his fingers over her marred skin until he wiped the ugly marks away, he paused only long enough to see her look down, before he stepped around her and left the room.

Twenty minutes later Collins was back at the cruiser, clutching a pile of photo's and a tip from Callaghan to check out Grey's last known addresses and work places.

Looking over at Swarek for a brief second as they pulled out into the street for the second time today Nick hoped that they would not be the ones to find Grey, coz judging by the look on Swarek's face, this was gonna end really badly, probably with a kill shot between the eyes and Gray's body on a metal slab in the morgue.

Swarek was seething fury, it rolled off him in waves of tension. His jaw was clenching and his eyes had turned to black, his face cast in a cold hard stone mask.

There was defiantly no need for him to deny anything, and as Nick had earlier stated, Sam's emotions somehow now became written features etched on his usually stoic face. It was frozen in a look of rage, set in stone, his complexion just a shade paler, and his jaw clenching, while his eyes flared in black.

This was not gonna end well!

****Thanks for reading!

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Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all you're awesome reviews! You guys blew me away with all the follows & favorites too!You guys make my day!

Thanks to Kelly2727!

Chapter 2

Two hours later Andy and Dov were given a tip from a hooker on third street about an old abandoned restaurant that John Gray once told her he used to get high in.

Following the tip, Andy pulled up outside the side entrance and took a deep breath before reaching for the door.

"Andy, we can pass it on, you don't have to be here". Dov was worried about her frame of mind.

She had been off since Sam left her standing in the rain outside the Penny a couple weeks ago, and since then she was battling to find some kind of normal ground. She was always miles away, and looked tired enough to sleep for a solid month.

"I'm fine, we have to do this Dov". Andy said without looking his way, knowing he would see the fear that still cursed through her veins if he looked into her eyes.

"Take the front, I'll go round back". Dov mumbled knowing that once she had her mind made up, nothing would change it. He just hoped that if Gray was in here, he would do the common thing most criminals did, and try leave through the back door.

Andy nodded, as she drew her gun, took off the safety and moved towards the front door of the run down building. Pulling on the doorhandle she was not surprised to find the door lock broken open as she slowly pushed it open to reveal a dark room littered with garbage and broken furniture, empty bottles and the pungent aroma of stale alcohol.

Taking out her flashlight, Andy covered the front of the building in its silent darkness, her heart sagging at the thought of another dead lead that was wasting their time, while the girl was at the mercy of a deranged pshycopath.

As Andy stepped into the kitchen area, she heard the feint noses of what sounded like a cat, soft whimpering, mingling with what sounded like the purr of an animal in pain. Stepping towards the noise, Andy found an old walk in refrigerator, the door closed with what looked like an open new shiny padlock hanging from its door handle.

Opening the door, Andy heard the whimpering become a load screech as her eyes focused on the wide ones of a young girl staring at her, fear tracing her pale face.

"Don't come closer". The kid whispered holding out her hand.

"He said it'll explode if I let go".

Andy holstered her gun and flashlight and took a step forwards as her heart began to thunder away in her chest.

Clutched in the child's tiny hand was a grenade, strapped in with black tape.

"Its okay, you're gonna keep holding it as tight as you can okay? I'm gonna pull off the tape, but as long as you keep squeezing it, we'll be okay". Andy had no idea what she was doing, but this was what she had to do.

Less than five minutes later, Andy had slipped the live grenade into her hand, as Dov's face made an appearance in the doorway.

"Andy?". Dov's voice was in panicked shock, ringing out four octaves too high.

"Its okay, take her out, call back up and ETF". Andy's voice was shaking as she spoke, her hand holding the bomb, rattling as the realization of what was happening set in.

"Go Dov". Andy said loudly, Dov jumping a fraction as he reached out for the kid before pulling her out the door.

"Dispatch, we have the child, no suspect. Need ETF, fire and a bus at our location, live bomb,...um... officer Mcnally is holding it..."

Dov radioed in, unsure of how to actually phrase the fact that Andy was holding a grenade. There were no codes or keywords for that kind of thing.

Seconds later, a flurry of activity began over the radio, a string of units responding, all unheard by Andy as she only heard the beating of her heart stampeding in her eardrums.

Andy felt her breathing become painfully constricted as she looked down at the green resting firmly against the pale skin of her hand.

She'd always wondered how she'd die, shot, stabbed, a car accident, but this...this never crossed her mind. Being blown to tiny specs of ash was never in the ideas of how she'd go. Drawing in a deep breath as she clenched her eyes closed, she let the few tears that were loose, roll their way down her cheeks before they dropped off her chin, as she made peace with the idea of this is how she would die.

But she saved a life, the girl would grow up and have a future, get married and have kids, lead a full life. The thought caused a small smile to tug the corners of her lips up as she remembered how Jerry had died saving Gail. She let out the deep breath, she was happy to go this way, knowing it would probably be instant, and that she exchanged her life for another.

Sam barely killed the ignition before he was out the cruiser, not even bothering to put it in park or pull up the hand brake.

Oliver turned and moved towards Sam the second he saw him coming over, the intention of his actions written clearly over his usually emotionless face.

"No Sammy!". Oliver said stepping between Sam and the perimeter tape set up.

"Is she..."

"It hasn't gone off yet. Epstein said it looks like a pressure sensitive grenade. She took it off the girl and sent them out".

Oliver had seen Sam in a slight panic outside the laundrymat when Mcnally had been stuck in it after it burned down, but this, now, was something he hoped he never would have to see.

Sam's face was encased in its usual mask of nothingness over recent weeks since his split with Mcnally, Oliver had seen it morph into that after the heartache and anger that graced his features after Jerry died, but this was unbridled fear, total sheer terror dancing in his eyes as he looked towards the building currently holding Mcnally with a bomb in her hand.

"I have to go...". Sam said side stepping Oliver before he felt the firm grip of a hand on his arm.

"Sammy you can't..."

"I have to go..."

"Go what Sam? You need to wait for ETF, they're on their way, so is Frank".

"I'm going in there". Sam said shaking his arm free before taking a step away from Oliver.

"Sammy?".

Sam stopped long enough to hear Oliver whisper a "Watch her in there, she's working some kind of notice" before he spun around to face Oliver.

"What?". Sam yelled as he stepped towards Oliver.

"I dunno. Noelle just called me when she heard about it, Mcnally is working some kind of notice that's all I know. Just be careful". Oliver turned on his heel, walking back to the other officers that had began collecting on scene.

Andy clenched her eyes, as though shutting out the images would erase the grave situation and she would wake up to find it all a nightmare.

Hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, she let out a sigh of relief at the thought that ETF was here, and nobody would die today.

Turning to face the open door of the refrigerator, she let her eyes flutter open to find Sam standing in the doorway staring at her.

"Are you kidding me?". Andy yelled the words out as she rolled her eyes, the fear and panic that momentarily lifted slamming back into her.

"Hey". Sam said as he stepped over the threshold and into the danger zone to see Andy take a few small steps back.

"What are you doing here? Are you insane? Have you lost your mind?". Andy whispered as she felt the trembling begin again.

"I wish you could read my mind". Sam said still stepping forwards as his eyes lifted from her hand clasping the bomb take in her face.

"Really? So I can see what a huge screw up I made through your eyes? She's just a kid Sam". Anger flashed over her face as she looked Sam in the eye, her own harsh words slipping from her lips.

"Andy don't okay? Not now. You did the right thing". Sam still took tiny steps towards her as she kept taking small ones back.

"Why did you come? If this goes off I'm going with it...and so are you. You need to go Sam. Now!".

"No Andy, I'm not going anywhere".

"Sam...I'm holding a bomb...". Andy's strong facade slipped as her voice cracked before breaking off entirely, just as she let the tears that she had kept at bay slip free. But she stopped moving away, and instead stood rooted to the spot as reality set in harder.

Sam took the opportunity to take two steps forwards to wrap his hands around hers before whispering "So am I".

Andy had dropped her gaze attempting to hide the tears she deemed a sign of weakness until she felt his hands clamp firmly over hers, causing her head to snap up.

"Sam...you can't be here! You..."

"No. I made the biggest mistake of my life by walking away, I'm not gonna do it again". Sam said shaking his head as he felt Andy try pull her hands away from under his, his grip tightening around them in an attempt to keep them there.

"What? You seriously wanna have this conversation now? No Sam, you need to walk away now, I'm holding a live grenade, a bomb, if it goes off I'm gonna die and you're gonna die, this time you need to walk away".

Sam stepped a little closer, still not relinquishing his grip on her hands.

"No, this time I'm gonna say what I should have said then, I screwed up okay, I get it, and I'm sorry. I never should have said what I did or did what I did, I can never take it back and I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I kinda just lost it, and I never meant what I said. I love you, and right now I'm not leaving, if you're here when that goes off, then that's where I'm gonna be".

"No Sam...um...No okay! You can't just walk in here coz I'm holding a bomb, and ...and I don't even know what you're saying!". Andy began shaking her head in denial as his words left his lips in a hushed whisper. Her hands trying to free themselves of the iron grip he had on them.

Radio static suddenly caused them both to jump as Best's voice filled the silence surrounding them.

"Swarek?".

Sam reluctantly pulled one of his hands away from Andy's to push his radio to reply.

"Yeah?".

"How you guys holding up in there?". Sam didn't miss the worry in Franks voice.

"We're good. EFT?".

Silence followed Sam's question as they waited for an answer, both on the brink of panic.

Sam never taking his eyes off Andy, although she let her's drift aimlessly around the room looking anywhere but at him.

"Andy I know you don't wanna hear this, but I have loved you all along, even when it was killing me slowly to see you with Callaghan, I just didn't know it back then. But now that I know it..."

"No Sam! You promised to fight for it if things got tough, you said you wouldn't walk away, and that's exactly what you did! You blamed me for...for Jerry, you said you couldn't be a cop and be with me, so you chose being a cop over me...you can't just...".

Andy's words trailed off as she began to sob, her hands still holding the bomb shankingly, were incapable of moving to wipe away her free falling tears.

Her heart was breaking more now than it had weeks ago.

"Andy, do you still love me?". Sam blurted the words out before his brain could filter them, as he watched Andy bite on her bottom lip, her lips keeping silent.

"Andy, that's all I want to know?" His words came out harshly, his tone flat as his lips moved.

"No Sam...I...". Andy held his gaze, answering his question while looking him straight in the eye.

Sam felt like his world shattered there in that single instant. Like it had tilted off its axis with two simple words. If he thought he was hurting before, her simple admission had ripped the remainder of his heart out and shredded it into oblivion before shoving a black lump of emptiness back into his chest.

Reaching out for his radio again he kept looking at Andy as he whispered into it. "ETF?"

Seconds later Franks voice filled the now sad silence that filled the air around them.

"Um...they're delayed. Traffic accident closed them off on the other side of town, they're trying to reroute traffic, but the roads closed, there's no alternative roads, you guys sit tight, we're working on it". Frank trailed off, his voice shallow in Sam's ears as he watched Andy's eyes widen in fear.

The longer they stood here like this, the less chance they had of making it out.

"Shaw?". Sam's voice held a sharp edge as he called out over the radio for Oliver.

"Yeah brother?". Oliver's reply was instantaneous.

"I need three minutes, then you send in a volunteer to take Mcnally out, and I'm live on rounds so I need to hand over".

Sam knew that if this went badly having a loaded gun and spare magazines strapped to you would wreak havoc on anyone in the vicinity.

"What? No!...No!". Andy was shaking her head violently as she heard Sam ask Oliver to send someone in to take her out.

His words and tone clearly stating that a family man like Oliver or Frank not be the ones to venture in to fill his request.

"Andy..."

"No Sam, you can't...I won't. Think about Sarah, and Oliver, they need you".

"Andy please. Think about your Dad and Traci, I need you to go. I need you to do this, I need you...". Sam just stopped talking after that as he put his other hand back over hers after releasing the radio.

His hands momentarily lingering over hers before he gave her hands a gentle squeeze before using one of his to gently run under hers and begin to lift her fingertips as he slipped his hand in place of hers. He kept his eyes focused on hers as he did the same with her other hand, his fingers filling the spaces hers had seconds ago, squeezing down on the grenades pressure clip.

Andy just shook her head as her tears continued to stream wet marks down her cheeks. Even after she had just told him that she didn't love him, he would still take her place and die so that she could make it out.

After telling the worst lie she had ever told, he was willing to sacrifice his own life to keep her safe.

"Promise me one thing Andy". Sam had moved impossibly close to her, the heat of his body felt through her uniform, her hands now replacing the position his had been in.

"No Sam...".

"Please let me say this, I know you hate me now and I don't blame you, I really don't, but just make me one promise...".

Andy stared at Sam, her body trembling as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as if an electric current passed through them.

"I kno...". Sam's voice was left to drift into silence as approaching footsteps filled the air. More than one set.

Sam and Andy turned to see Luke, Gail and Nick file into the refrigerator.

"No...no...". Andy let the words come out as more of a sigh as she refused to make her feet walk away as Gail gently tugged on her arm in an attempt to pull her hands off Sam's.

"Andy, you need to go". Sam said managing a flash of the dimples as he stepped forwards to press his lips to the top of her forehead, as he inhaled a deep breath of her scent.

Luke made his way to stand in front of Andy as Sam turned and nodded to Luke like they were having a silent conversation. Sam tried to pull his hands away from Andy's but she clung to them, refusing to relinquish her hold on them.

Sam's eyes snapped to her before he said what she would later think sounded like a whispered 'I'm sorry' before turning to Luke and saying a forceful "Take her" before he looked away.

Andy felt Luke's hand wrap around her as Gail's fingers pried hers away from Sam's before she was lifted into the air just a fraction and spun around before her feet met the ground and she was literally being pulled out the door by Luke and Gail. As they stepped through the doorway Andy stopped and turned one last time to look at Sam as her heart was overcome with the worst regret she had ever felt.

She had possibly just lied to Sam in what could very well be his last few living moments. As she stood looking at him, she was fighting the urge to run back up to him and tell him she lied, but the look on his face stopped her. He looked like he was overcome with peace. Contentment filling him, as he watched her walk away. She was frozen to the spot as she watched his lips move as he said a soft 'I love you' that she couldn't hear, before he gruffed out a loud "Close the door".

Andy whimpered as she was tugged away, watching Nick close the door, blocking her view of Sam. If the bomb went off, having the door closed could restrict the outwards blast to contain it mostly in the tiny space behind the door, it was the logical thing to do, but it just felt so wrong.

***Thanks for reading, don't forget to review!

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	3. Chapter 3

Wow you guys are amazing! Thanks for all the awesome reviews, follows & alerts!

They really make my day, so please keep them coming!

Thanks to everyone I couldn't PM too!

I loved the reviews on Chapter 2, and I'm loving the idea's you all have- including the Love/Hate you all sorta have for Andy & Nick right now, let's just say its not what you think...

*A/N- welcome to all the newbies! & thanks to all the regulars!

Special thanks to Kelly2727! Hope you'll look up her work too!

Chapter 3

As Andy stepped outside, her lungs filled with fresh air as the crisp breeze chilled her wet, tear streaked cheeks, shuffling her ponytail's loose strands to caress her face as she felt her knees wobble and shake before strong hands grabbed her to steady her. Her breaths coming out harshly and labored as her lungs refused to fill with the air they needed so desperately to breath.

Her entire body was trembling, her knees felt like jelly, and her mind was a blank void of uncertainty.

Just flashes of images and repeating words bombarded her attention, as the rest of the world fell away.

Andy felt herself being pushed down and didn't bother to fight it, as she felt her backside make contact with the curb of the pavement, before she felt a hand pull her head down to in between her knees.

"Just breath Andy". Oliver's voice droned in her eardrums as he whispered in her ear.

This was just so wrong.

How was this even happening?

"I...I...he..." Andy couldn't find the words she needed to say as she felt Traci's familiar hug envelope her.

"I know, its gonna be okay". Traci whispered into her ear.

"No Traci, it...I lied...and if...".

"Andy don't think like that okay! ETF made it through the traffic jam, they're like less than three minutes out, so they'll be here in time". Traci's tone was comforting, as was her embrace as she gave Andy a gentle squeeze. Andy didn't know how she'd react right now if Traci wasn't here.

Andy let out a sob as she turned into Traci's shoulder to cry harder. She had told the most heart wrenching lie for nothing?

How would she even explain that to Sam? And how would she explain her and Nick...aaarrg! Everything was such a mess!

Andy heard the shrill of sirens in the distance and felt the worst of the fear lift as she knew ETF were seconds away.

"Andy, let's take you home". Oliver whispered as he rubbed up and down her back.

"No". Andy all but yelled as she lifted her head up off her arms crossed over her knees.

"Okay, but when he comes out you're going home". Oliver stated before standing up to watch the ETF truck back up to the front door of the building.

Andy stood up and turned to face the building, Traci still holding on to her as they watched and waited.

Twenty minutes later Sam walked out the front door of the building to a round of applause from all emergency personal on scene, but he ignored it, his eyes coming straight to find Andy's as he stopped the minute they found her. His head tilted slightly to the side as if he was expecting some outrageous response from her, but all Andy could manage was a small smile before allowing herself to be led away by Traci and bundled into the back of her cruiser with Chris before they drove away, leaving Sam staring the back of the cruiser long after it disappeared from sight.

Hours later Andy found herself pouring another glass of wine, sitting in her dimly lit lounge thinking over the days events.

When she got home, she refused Traci's attempt to stay over or get her over to her house. After telling them she would be fine, she grabbed a shower in the hopes of washing away the bad memories of the day.

Washing away the taint she felt crawling over her skin.

The first glass of wine helped settle the shakes, the second returned her breathing to normal. The third made her sad as she replayed the memories of Sam's words in her mind. The fourth was attempted to numb the pain, but just led her to open the second bottle before drinking three quarters of that too.

By now she was feeling more relaxed but hating herself. Hating the fact that she so easily let the lie slip out. For making him so easily believe it.

But only when she had heard where her own words had cut off, did they become a lie. Only because they were incomplete. She just couldn't say what she really wanted too, so she made the mistake of cutting them off and letting them hang, thus resulting in a lie she didn't correct, or a sentance she didn't complete.

And him wanting one last promise, while facing death. What was that anyway? He never got the chance to say. And what did he know? Putting the wine glass down harder than she intended, Andy watched as the stem broke off and the goblet toppled over before smashing when it hit the table, the dark red wine seeping out over the light wood.

The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to know. No needed to know.

She also needed to know if Sam was telling the truth when he said those three little words. Watching the wine as it pooled around the shattered glass Andy felt like she was watching her own heart shatter and bleed.

Without overthinking it she grabbed her phone and called a cab company to pick her up, no way she was walking over there this inebriated.

Sam sipped on his whiskey staring blankly at the images playing across the tv screen. Never had he been more in love with Andy Mcnally than he had been today. Seeing her so willing to save the life of a child by sacrificing her own was in a sick way one of the proudest moments he had. But it was just who she was, and she did the right thing. In that respect she was as selfless as Jerry had been when he ulimatly saved Gail's life by trading his own. He paid no mind to the fact that he had then traded places with her, he would never have allowed her to stay standing there, holding a bomb, no matter what was said and done before she was taken out. She could have screamed at him, told him how much she hated him, he would have still done the same thing.

He had also never been more scared than in the moment he saw her holding onto that bomb, its deadly green so strinking in contrast to the pale shade of her hand. He liked green, but that was before today, now he despised the color, simply because of the death it had represented in mere seconds. He was never more terrified than in those few minutes. He was relieved when he knew she was safe, and more than a little heartbroken by her admission that she no longer had the same feelings. But even though she said it straight to his face, the way she was when she left had him a little confused. It was probably the guilt that he was now taking her place in a life and death situation that caused her to falter and crumble.

Not that he blamed her for any of it, he really didn't, knowing he kinda deserved it actually.

Having had more than his fair share of whiskey, Sam felt the alcohol level course through his veins as it began to numb the pain. His usual way of finding sleep these days since he let her go. He couldn't sleep without her next to him. Couldn't close his eyes and not wonder where she was, if she was okay, or replay bitter-sweet memories of her in his mind. When night fell, his mind moved to 'Andy Autopilot', whether he was in the mood for it or not, she just seemed to take over, his thoughts, his dreams, his nightmares probably following todays situation.

It had become his routine, half to a full bottle of whiskey every night to just fall asleep. Tonight was no different.

The soft knock on his door pulled him from his self wallowing miserable thoughts as the sound reverberated off the hallway walls.

Dragging himself up and opening the door expecting to find Oliver standing on the other side, Sam's breath was stolen away by the sight of a rather disheveled looking Andy standing on his doorstep.

"Um...you wanted one promise, but you didn't say...". Andy shifted around from foot to foot as she let her words be swallowed by her teeth clamping down on her lip.

Sam leaned back to look at the time on the wall clock, making it to be around midnight, or so it looked in his blurry vision.

"Andy you don't need to know any of that, I said what I meant to say...".

"No you didn't. You were gonna say something when they came for me, I just wanna know what it was Sam".

Sam moved to the side letting Andy walk into his house before he moved over to grab his glass and swallow the rest of the light hued liquid in the glass.

Andy raised an eyebrow as she rolled her eyes. Sam moved to the kitchen pulling out a glass for her and filling both half way before sliding hers over the counter towards her.

"Sam...".

"Look Andy, I get it. I screwed up and there is no going back on that. The thought of you dying today scared the crap out of me okay, but actually seeing you standing there holding that bomb, that kinda just made my heart stop. I don't want forgiveness, or...or...look I know you're working some sort of notice and the one thing I wanted you to promise me was that you wouldn't turn in your badge, give up what you love doing. I wanted you to promise me that you would keep doing it, and stay so passionate about it, and just stay alive doing it long enough to retire someday".

Sam had moved around the counter to stand in front of Andy, his eyes drilling holes through hers, into her very soul as he spoke. Andy watched as Sam swallowed, his words fading to a soft breeze across her face as he spoke the last words.

"Ho...how'd you know?". Andy whispered, her eyes darting to look between his as her vision swayed with the amount of wine she had consumed.

"Are you working notice? Did you turn in your badge, or something?". Sam huffed out the question, disbelief filling his face as his eyebrows knitted together.

Andy remained silent, her gaze dropping to watch her feet as she wiggled her toes inside her shoes.

"Why'd you do it Andy?". Sam bent down enough to recapture her gaze as he spoke, drawing her attention back to his eyes.

"Sam you said you couldn't be a cop and be with me, well you know what? I can't not be with you and be a cop. I don't know how to do it okay! Its just not the same, it...". Andy knew she shouldn't have come. Her lies flowing so freely, well her words were the truth, she just let him believe what he wanted to. When it came to her badge, it was more of a something, rather than her turning it in. But he didn't need to know that, couldn't know that.

"I don't know how to do that Sam, I really don't...".

Andy's words died off as Sam's mouth stole them away when he closed the minuscule distance between their lips.

Andy didn't fight the effects his lips had on her as they grazed gently over hers before his hand found its way to her chin on the unbruised side of her face, the other wrapping itself tightly tangling in her loose hair. When Sam pulled her forwards, she leaned in, not wanting to back away from the warm safeness his embrace wrapped around her.

She could taste the stronger tang of the whiskey on his breath and lips, its more potent taste outweighing the sweetness of the wine she had.

Maybe this was the way it was meant to be, maybe this is how they were meant to be, together.

Maybe tomorrow they could wake up, wrapped in the familiarity of the others embrace, and talk.

Maybe this would fix them, fix things between them.

She still had a few days before she had to leave, so maybe she could back out, maybe she could find a way to tell him, ask him to wait for her a little longer, although he had waited for her for over two years.

As Andy's mind set alight with the thoughts running rampant, she heard Sam let out a groan, which sounded more like a growl as he moved back just a fraction, before Andy reached out and pulled him back into her.

Andy hadn't been asleep long when she felt her body jerk itself awake. Images of Sam holding the grenade and watching them both explode jolted her awake as she heard herself let out a strangled sob from somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

She let her eyes run over Sam's sleeping face, seeing an almost smile playing out on his lips. Watching his chest rise and fall with each deep breath he took Andy let out a sigh of contentment to be here with him now.

He looked at peace, content even. His face wearing a far softer expression than the ones she had seen over recent weeks, whenever she would sneek glances his way.

Hearing a distant beeping, Andy slipped out from under Sam's arm going in search of her phone to stop the incessant bleep indicating a new text message.

Finding her jacket in the hallway on the floor, where it was so deliciously tossed Andy pulled the phone out to see the time a just after four am.

Opening the text, she let her hand drift up to her lips to hold in the sob that threatened to break free as she read it.

'Schedule moved to tomorrow lunch time. Be ready'

Andy had requested a place on a task force Luke was running, her way of running away from reality. It was supposed to be weeks at least before they left, after last night that was supposed to give her time to work things out with Sam, find a way to either back out, or let him know she was taking a UC for a couple weeks with Nick.

Now it was moved to tomorrow.

Or later.

Walking softly back to Sam's bedroom, Andy stood in the doorway watching him sleep.

How was she supposed to do this now? She wasn't allowed to tell him, and how was she gonna ask him to wait for her?

Needing time to think, Andy moved silently through the house collecting her scattered clothes, pulling them on as she retrieved them.

Standing in the lounge she pulled out her phone and called a cab, before walking back to stand in Sam's bedroom doorway and whisper a soft 'I'm sorry' before leaving his house, a fresh wave of tears cascading down her cheeks.

Andy spent the rest of the morning packing light, cleaning out the fridge and writing her landlord a letter that she was going on a long vacation, after she got home and had a shower.

Before she knew it, time had drifted to the time to leave for work, where she would see Sam, and have to face him with a reason for running off in the middle of the night, leaving him like she didn't care.

When she did, she still really loved him, even after all that was said and done. There was no-one that ever came close to making her feel the way he did. No-one had ever made her feel this much, or this much fear at losing them. And now she was gonna leave it all behind without an explanation.

Maybe that was the answer, making him think she didn't care. They still hadn't really talked, hadn't said where they go from here. He still believed her lie, maybe she should just reinforce it a little.

Her mind had decided what her heart didn't want to do, as she pulled her condo door closed and made her way to work.

It was unfair of her to expect him to wait for her again, he'd done it for almost two years, she wasn't even sure if he would want to wait, or be willing to wait. The time that she would be gone was undefined, undetermined.

Would he wait indefinatly?

No, it was wrong to make him wait, to ask him to wait. It wasn't fair to either of them, especially him, when he was home living his life.

It would be better to let him go.

So that's what she would do, let Sam go when she walked out of his life.

****Thanks for reading, don't forget to review & let me know what you think!

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the amazing reviews, the alerts & follows, I love hearing from you all!

Sorry I didn't PM anyone, work has been hectic & I have a spring cold!

Thanks to Kelly2727 as always!

Chapter 4

The minute Traci saw Andy walk into the locker room, she knew something was wrong.

Seriously wrong!

Her eyes found Andy pale and looking extremely tired and more sad than Traci had ever seen her, except for when she told her that Jerry was dead, and whatever was wrong, was a close second to that day judging by Andy's face.

"Andy, hey, you okay?". Traci said as Andy slung her bag to the floor before letting her shoulders sag in defeat as she gently shook her head, moving backwards to sit on the bench in front of the row of lockers.

"I kinda seriously screwed up Trace". Andy whispered not bothering to look up.

"Andy?". Traci sat down next to Andy on the bench as she knocked shoulders with her in playfulness.

"Wanna tell me about it?".

"I kinda slept with Sam last night, and I don't think it was such a good idea. Its just all really screwed up". Andy let the words tumble out at high speed hoping Traci would miss some important content of her sentence.

"But that's a good thing... It is a good thing right?". Traci's face expressed a little concern at watch Andy's face fall as she spoke.

"Nope". Andy said shaking her head.

"You know when I gave you the advice 'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else', I didn't mean get under the person you're trying to get over', if that's what you're trying to do" Traci said in a light hearted tone.

Attempting to break the tension with a joke.

But failing- miserably!

"I know, yesterday when Sam came in while I was holding the bomb, he told me he loves me".

"Seriously? Andy that's like...awesome! But I don't get why you look like this then?".

"I told him I don't love him anymore. And then I went over there and...I really screwed it up Traci".

"Ladies, we're gonna be late". Gail said passing them fully dressed making for the door.

"We'll talk later okay?". Traci said standing up as Andy nodded, knowing their talk later would never materialize.

Andy flew through the door into parade just as Best followed, sliding into her usual chair closer to the front. She could feel Sam's eyes burning a hole through her as he watched her. Well watched her avoid him and his intense gaze. She was partnered with Nick, no surprise there, they were slipping away together around lunch time.

As soon as Best cleared them to leave, Andy bolted for the door hoping to make her escape but failing the second she felt his fingers wrap around her arm as she heard Sam tell Nick 'I'm just gonna borrow Mcnally for a minute' before pulling her down the hallway towards the viewing room of an interrogation room.

Spinning Andy around as he closed the door Sam stared at her, his eyes showing a little of his hangover mixed with a little of the pissed off mood he was in.

"Why did you leave?". Well at least he didn't mince his words.

"What did you expect Sam?". Andy said as she folded her arms across her chest in hopes of creating some kind of barrier between them.

"Are you kidding me? Andy I don't get how you can spend the night in my bed, after yesterday, and I wake up to find you gone? And this... attitude?". Sam had a hand running through his hair, stopping short of ripping it out in frustration.

"Don't worry about it Officer Swarek, it was what it was". Andy whispered the only words that she could think of in the hopes of putting distance between them now.

"What?". Sam yelled taking a step towards her, his eyes flashing darker than she had ever seen them.

Sam couldn't believe his ears, not to mention the fact that she just addressed him as 'Swarek'.

"Sir, if you prefer to disregard, then we disregard it. It was what it was". Andy stepped past Sam, her hand hesitating on the door handle as his words filled the silence.

"And what exactly was it Mcnally?".

As much as Andy missed the way her name rolled off his tongue, her heart broke more for the words that were about to roll off hers.

"A one night stand Sam". Whispering the words, Andy pulled open the door and slammed it shut before hearing the sounds of shattering glass from behind her seconds later as she walked away.

Judging by the amount of glass she heard fall to the floor Andy knew Sam had broken the huge two way mirror between the viewing room and interrogation room. The glass she had seen men pound on, chairs thrown into and elbows knock without breaking, now heard crashing to the floor as Sam somehow managed to break it. Andy bit back the tears as she made her way outside, hoping that Sam was not bleeding to death from severing an artery in his arm or breaking his gun hand knowing he probably punched out the glass.

Ironic how the sound echoed through her, as though it was the amplified sounds of her heart breaking into tiny shards, more than ever it was now broken by her own actions and unforgivable words.

Oliver watched as Sam manhandled Andy into the viewing room, thinking it was about time the two hashed it out, especial after seeing them both yesterday, but arriving separately this morning.

He couldn't believe when Andy. Left yesterday and Sam let her just go, here he thought after Sam going rushing in there, something epic would happen, but apparently, he was wrong.

He heard the sudden raised voice before he saw Andy stalk out and slam the door before the sound of shattering glass instilled fear into him. Rushing through the door Oliver found Sam hunched over, both hands clad between his knees as he held down the gaping hole that now leaked a pool of his blood between his feet.

"Sam! What the hell were you thinking?". Oliver yelled before he called down the hall for a towel before pulling Sam's hand up to apply pressure to the seeping wound.

"You know you punched out a two way mirror? And this? This is your gun hand Sam, now a bleeding mess. Have you lost you're mind?". Oliver said pushing hard enough to make his point and cause Sam to wince in pain.

"And my heart". He though he heard Sam whisper as he wrapped the towel around his hand before leading him to a cruiser for a trip to the hospital.

Sam spent three hours having x-rays, getting stitched up and having a cast done over his newly broken hand. Never in his life as a cop had he really ever thrown a punch like that with his gun hand. That hand was always revered and protected. But today, after having Andy rip out what was left of his heart, he just couldn't control the emotions that ran through him.

His heart plummeted, his lungs stopped their intake of air and his mind just ceased to function.

All logical thought escaping him as the rage took over, before subsiding into devastation. There was no other word for it. Except maybe numbness.

And it was all on him, and him alone.

Every fiber of his body slipping into one single feeling- emptiness.

He felt the darkness creeping into his soul, the flicker in his eyes die down before extinguishing, fading completely.

Oliver waited for Sam to finish before driving him back to the barn, where Sam made his way straight to Franks office, tossed his badge on the table , muttered a few words and left.

Sam found himself seeking solace at the bottom of a whiskey bottle, probably not the best thing to do on top of all the shots and pain med's he had in his system, but he needed something to dull the pain.

This was so screwed up he didn't even know where to start. Maybe they should have talked first. Maybe they still could.

Calling a cab, he gave the cabbie Andy's address knowing he wouldn't make it that far if he tried to drive himself. Pounding on the door, he didn't care if the entire neighborhood woke up in the middle of the night coz of his good fist hammering her door.

The door was yanked open to the wide eyes of Gail standing staring at Sam with pity in her eyes, annoyance on her face.

"She's not here Swarek". She blurted out as if it would make him evaporate and keep quiet.

"Where is she?". Sam looked at his watch seeing it was a little after two am. If she wasn't here then where was she?

Gail moved into the condo and came back holding a short letter in Andy's familiar neat writing.

'Gail

Taking a break, crash at my place, already told the landlord.

Stay safe

A.'

"Where is she?". Sam said defeated.

"I dunno okay, that was in my locker after shift with her keys. Go home, sleep it off and ask Traci in the morning. Actually just grab the couch". Gail waved at the couch before walking away and returning with a pillow and blanket before leaving and slamming the bedroom door.

Finding a comfy position on the couch, Sam grew anxious. He needed to know she was okay.

Reaching for his phone he hit speed dial and waited for it to be answered.

"This better be good Swarek". Franks voice growled into Sam's ear through the speaker.

"Did she quit?".

"Sam...".

"Frank did she quit? I've already put in for my transfer, so it doesn't matter. Did she quit?".

"No Sam, she didn't quit. She's just...taking a vacation".

Sam knew better.

The minute he heard those words he knew she'd taken a transfer or a UC, he hoped the former rather than the latter. She wasn't cut out for that.

"Thanks". Sam said and hung up not waiting for a reply.

He was done with this.

Done with her.

He knew she was running because of him. Trying to escape the pain the same way he did with a whiskey bottle.

It was killing both of them, torturing them slowly, even if she had said she didn't love him anymore.

He thought back to last night.

She had said goodbye in her own way, knowing that she was leaving.

Her touches had been softer, lingering longer. Her kisses sweeter, more intense and passionate. It was her way of saying goodbye, and maybe her way of letting him go.

Either way it didn't matter anymore, he was done, and she was gone.

**** Okay, so it wasn't Nick, hope you're all happy with that! Don't forget to let me know what you think!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, thanks for all the awesome reviews for chapter 4! You guys so know how to rock my world! They were some of my fav reviews over the last 2 chapters, so thanks! Sorry no PM's again, so I decided to post another chapter instead!

Hope you will enjoy the rest of it!

Thanks to Kelly2727!

Chapter 5

It had been a little over six months since she left.

Six months of being someone else, with someone else's name, someone else's life. Pretending to be someone else with Nick.

Or pretending to be Nicks someone else, as they posed as a couple.

They had taken the UC before things with her and Sam had improved before falling apart to the point of self devestation.

That's what she called it, the name she gave it, simply because there was no other term fitting it.

Andy spent weeks crying on Nick's shoulder about the choices she made then, but today she was going back to see them face to face.

The thought exited her and scared the crap out of her at the same time. She couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed, wear her own clothes, respond to her own name. Most of all she couldn't wait to see the people from her life, although she was dreading seeing Sam after what she did.

Pulling into the parking lot, Nick gave her a smile before whispering a soft 'It'll be okay' before getting out the car.

Only Luke and Frank knew they would be back today, so they asked that Gail and Traci get desk duty for when they returned.

Just as a little suprise.

Andy stepped through the doors and looked up to see Oliver smile a sort of sad smile her way, even though his eyes lit up like a christmas tree.

Seeing Traci distracted with watching something in the street Andy snuck up behind her and smiled at Gail as she saw her approach, putting a finger over her lips. Andy wrapped her hands around Traci's eyes as Gail giggled a 'guess who' before she turned and saw Nick standing in the doorway, unsure of her reaction, before she took off running towards him.

"Oh come on!". Traci giggled.

"Uh-hu".

Andy let go and Traci turned around to jump out her chair and launch herself at Andy causing her to stumble backwards.

"Andy". She breathed out in relief as tears wet her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Trace, I couldn't tell you".

"Its okay, we kinda figured when Nick was missing too".

Andy took a step back and let her eyes roam the familiar room as sadness tugged on her heartstrings.

"Um...Gail, I need to...um talk to Andy?". Traci called out and pulled on Andy's hand before waiting for a reply.

Making their way to the locker room, Traci felt her heart skip a beat as she mussed over the words she was about to use.

Could she really do this?

Still holding Andy's hand, Traci pulled her down to sit on the bench, staring straigh ahead at the row of lockers that lined the wall, before she huffed out a breath and just opened her mouth to let the words tumble out of their own accord.

"Andy I know you just got back, but I need to ask you something and then tell you something okay? But you can't freak out on me... promise me you won't freak out".

Andy's brow dipped in worry as Traci turned to face her.

"Andy what really happened between you and Sam before you left?".

Andy felt panic set in. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought that something had happened to him while she was gone.

She was nervous about seeing him, but this just plain scared her.

"I um...told you Trace, before I left?". It came out as a question rather than an answer.

"Is he...um, is he okay?".

"Define okay?".

"Traci, seriously?".

"Okay, sorry. What happened the day you left Andy? He smashed a viewing room window with his gun hand. He took a transfer the same day. Oliver had to put him in rehab two weeks after you left for a total detox off the alcohol. He doesn't really talk to anyone here unless its about a case, he doesn't even really talk to Oliver anymore".

Andy felt sick to her stomach at Traci's words. Had she really done that to him?

"Andy there's been a lot of talk that he's becoming a loose cannon, he's reckless and careless and takes chances Andy. He's been shot twice in six months and he's still taking deep cover Op's".

Andy felt the world spin and grabbed onto the bench with both hands to stop from kneeling over. Her knuckles turned white from the amount of pressure her fingertips were applying to the wood to keep her upright.

That did not sound like her Sam...nope not hers anymore, just Sam, Andy corrected the thought as it flew through her mind.

"I...I.."

"Look its better now than it was, I didn't want to tell you, the minute you walked in the door, but I saw you looking for him, he's not here he took a permanent spot at Guns and Gangs, and I just didn't want you to hear it from somewhere else".

Andy nodded a small thank you, as guilt flooded over her. It was probably all her doing that he was acting like he was.

"Hey, you guys decent?". Oliver's voice loitered outside the room as he peeked in the door.

"I've gotta get back, I'll call you later?". Traci said before leaving the room.

"Glad you're back in one piece Mcnally". Oliver said as he slid into the room.

"Yeah". Andy mumbled looking at the floor as Oliver moved to sit next to her.

"She um...told you?".

"Yup".

"Its not you're fault. Its just the way Sammy is".

"Oliver, how can you say that? He was _NOT_ like this before I screwed up and screwed him over. This is all on me, I_ did_ this". Andy felt the tears threaten to take residence on her cheeks as she blinked rapidly in a bid to wipe them away.

"Andy, Sam is just scared. He doesn't do the whole love thing well. In all the years we've been friends he's never been in a relationship as serious as the two of you had. It changed him. But it scared him too. You know he grew up mostly in foster care right?". Andy nodded even though she didn't really know much about Sam's childhood.

"Him and Sarah were split up a few times, but they always somehow managed to stay in touch or find eachother. That was really hard on him. His dad went to jail and his mother started drinking, turned into a junkie, that's how they ended up in the system together. The last family they were placed with were not nice people. They were good on paper and never did anything physically to the kids but emotionally they were shut out or shut down. Especially Sam. You'll never see him really make physical contact with a woman except for Sarah, and you. And Noelle for a birthday hug. They weren't shown love in that house, no physical affection, no appreciation. It made Sam the detached person he is, its why he doesn't talk and why he's scared. He had it most of his life Andy, it defined who he is today. Can you imagine losing one of the only two thing you've ever loved?".

Andy sat stunned as Oliver's words filtered through.

She had guessed some of Sam's story from what he had told her, which was almost zero, the only thing she really know was how much he loved Sarah.

"Oliver I do know how that feels. I've lost it already". Andy let the words out on a heavy sigh.

"Hey, he's okay. We've spoken twice in the last two months and he's really okay, he's getting there".

Andy could only nod in reply.

"Hey its Zoe's 40th on saturday, we're having a cook out, you should come".

"Oh no...I um".

"Its okay, he won't be there. Really come, we can make it a welcome home party later, when all the old people fall asleep". Oliver joked bumping shoulders with her.

"Traci's coming". Oliver was pulling out all his powers of persuasion. He would just go invite Nash now.

"Okay, I'll come, just to keep you company when the old people fall asleep". Andy felt better at hearing Sam was doing okay. But her heart still ached knowing she was the reason he lost it.

Saturday came around quickly, Andy found herself looking forward to the cookout that now included Dov, Nick, Gail and Chris too.

She spent the week mostly with her dad, catching up and then some time at the Penny with everyone else. Her relationship with her dad having grown in a week more than it had in fifteen years. They were inseparable at dinner time now, electing to have meals out, or at either one of their homes.

Last Tommy knew, his daughter was dating Swarek and was the happiest he had ever seen her, glowing like someone truly in love. Then she disappeared and he got a call from Frank Best saying she was on an assignment but okay. Now she's home and she's a jumpy mess, her eyes void of any spark and her smile not quite lighting up her face. He knew it had something to do with Swarek, he'd heard the rumors, but didn't press his daughter for details. She looked too fragile and broken to delve into it.

Arriving at the Shaw household a little early, Andy and Traci were warmly greeted by Zoe who they had only ever seen a few times. Soon after arriving Zoe whisked them away for drinks in the kitchen while she buttered rolls refusing their help , they spent the better part of an hour just getting to know eachother over a drink, having arrived earlier than everyone else.

Zoe excused herself to check on Oliver while Traci rushed off to the ladies room, and Andy waited in the kitchen.

Oliver stood watching the burgers sizzle on the grill when Zoe made her way over to stand frowning at his side.

"He's such an idiot". Zoe let her melodic voice carry the words out as Oliver took a sip of beer before his eyes caught sight of a familiar truck pulling into the driveway.

"Oh crap". Oliver sighed as Zoe turned to see a flash of two toned, blonde and dark brown hair making its way over towards them alongside Sam.

"Yeah, oh crap". Zoe sighed as Sam stopped in front of them and introduced the petite woman as Angela.

Oliver and Zoe both cast worried glances towards the house expecting Andy to make her appearance too suddenly.

Diaz and Epstein arrived as introductions were made, followed by Gail and Nick.

"Hey Sammy don't you wanna just help me with something?". Oliver motioned towards the shed as Zoe turned to Gail and Angela before mumbling something and literally running towards the house.

"Um... Just so you know, she's here". Oliver whispered as they walked away.

Sam just stared at him in confusion. "Who?".

An eyebrow raised in Swarek fashion.

"Um Mcnally?".

Sam paled at the mention of her name and ran a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as they rounded the side of the hedge.

"Here?". Sam huffed out the words.

"At my house, _here_ Sam. You didn't say you were coming not to mention the plus one".

"I dint know she was here or back okay, or I wouldn't be here. Now everyone is gonna think I'm rubbing it in her face". Sam was pissed and showing it.

"No Sam, they won't! Its just...she's just really...fragile".

"Its fine, I'll get Angela, make an excuse and we'll leave before she even knows we were here...". Sam looked like he wanted to say more but kept his words from forming a sentence.

Sam rounded the hedge, walking back towards the group of new arrivals as he looked up to see Angela making her way over to him. As she reached him, Sam felt a pair of eyes ghost over him, causing him to look slightly to the left and up to see a pair of brown eyes, framed by brown hair, staring at him from behind the glass windows of the kitchen.

Andy stood staring at him, as he saw her, her fingers let go of the green bottle she was holding as it slipped from her fingers. Sam heard the sound of glass smash before he saw movement behind the window as Andy suddenly stepped away from his line of sight. He heard the sound of a door close, followed by two car doors slamming before an engine gunned to life and rumbled off into the distance.

He felt the urge to run after her, before he felt Angela's hand snake around his arm pulling him from his train of thought. He noticed Zoe come out onto the steps and stop, cross her arms over her chest before shaking her head.

She was not happy!

He really didn't know she was back, or even here. If he did he sure as hell wouldn't be here right now.

"You're such an ass Swarek". Gail purred out before turning and following Zoe into the Shaw house uninvited.

"Andy, I'm so sorry I swear I didn't know". Traci said looking at Andy apologetically as she drove them away.

"I know, its okay. Really I'm fine. He can do whatever he wants, we aren't ...whatever". Andy said staring out the window.

She recognized Angela when she turned just enough to follow Sam's line of vision before she felt Traci pull her away from the window.

She wasn't angry, really she wasn't. It was just like she was reminded of all the bad things that happened between them.

The second her eyes saw Angela, Andy felt sick remembering the words so harshly cast her way 'I can't be a cop and be with you' when he arrives with a cop from thirteen. Funny the irony in that. Maybe he should have added, 'only with everyone else but not you'.

Sam felt his breath inhale and hold, refusing to escape as he heard she was here.

In a way he had been waiting for this moment for six months, but dreading it just as much.

When he found out that Collins was suddenly missing too, he put the pieces together and found himself suddenly insanely jealous. Even though he decided the night she left that he was done with this and her, he couldn't help but feel that he was being punished by hearing Collins obviously left with her.

Collins being given the chance to do a UC with Andy, whereas him, the UC junkie never got the opportunity.

He even wondered long and hard if they were just friends or if there was a little more to the story than they were letting on.

The thought sent a shock of hurt through his chest, making it feel like it was constricted by a heavy weight. The thought of Collins putting his hands or lips anywhere on or near Andy caused Sam to throw his half empty beer bottle at the tv one night, effectively making him need a new one.

The memory of Gabe and Edie had flashed through his mind, the way she leaned in and kissed him before wiping away her lipgloss with the softest of touches , it made him wanna hunt Collins down and do really bad things to him.

Things that would make them lock him away for a very long time. For the rest of eternity.

But seeing Gail here today and Collins with her, he knew he had been wrong. Dead wrong. Seeing Andy's face through the glass, her eyes flashing sorrow as she let them drift from him to Angela and back again, also told him something else.

She had lied.

She had lied when she said her feelings died with his words, and she had lied when she said it was what it was, throwing his words back at him before she left.

Someone that doesn't feel anything does not have that amount of pain flash through their eyes so unguarded and unmasked.

That only left him with the question of why she lied, when he played an open hand and lay all his cards down on the table. He had told her that day that he loved her, that he was truly sorry for the asshole he had been.

But who was he kidding right now?

Only himself.

The second he saw her, all the feelings that were buried away came rushing back, they never diminished, never wavered, never went away. They were just hidden.

He had a good thing with Angela, but in the three weeks they'd been dating he found himself comparing her and them to Andy.

He knew it was wrong, but it just happened.

And he wasn't quite ready to give that up just yet, or give up trying.

Taking Angela home, Sam couldn't help but drive past Andy's condo after dropping her off. Seeing the lights on he made the rash decision of pulling over before he found himself knocking on the door, this time at a more respectable hour.

He heard the feint mumbling behind the door before it swung open once again to reveal Gail on the other side.

"Again Swarek? You just couldn't resist could you? But you know what, she's too clever to be hurt like that again. She's not here". Gail did the whole staredown thing with him, her icy eyes unnerving him a little.

"What?". Sam had to find her, before he changed his mind.

"She's gone Swarek. Came home packed up and left. She called the landlord to lease to me now, so she's not coming back".

Sam felt his heart slow down to the pace of ceasing to beat, before he turned and walked away.

At least he had the sense to not say anything to Angela, although the thought of her at the moment did nothing but make him hate himself a little more.

Driving away, he knew this was the last time he would leave this building, or even be here, drive down this street. It was time to close the chapter of Andy Mcnally before it really destroyed one of them beyond a little broken.

***** So let me know what you think!

I know you probably really hate me right now, but there's a lot more to come, so hit the little box that says review, and tell me... Thanks!

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow, I defiantly have the best readers in the world, so thanks for all the awesome reviews & alerts! **

**Welcome to all the newbies too, & thanks to the regulars! You guys know how to make my day! **

Thanks to Kelly2727 too!

A/N; doing a time warp here, but I think it time...so here goes!

Chapter 6

_**Three years Later;**_

Slipping the note to Luke, Nick looked hopeful as he walked away.

He was getting married to Gail in two weeks and knew she wanted Andy there. Although the two had never been the closest of friends, Gail and Andy formed a tight bond when Andy let Gail stay over before Jerry died. Leaving her Condo to Gail to take over when she left, was something Gail never expected. No one had ever done anything like that for her before. Usually people only did something for her because she was a Peck, and they wanted something in return. They never did anything just because they could, or because it was in their reach.

Gail also found a new kind of respect for Andy once Nick told her about their UC when he came back.

He figured Andy took a permanent spot on Luke's task force, so he was gonna try get her here, even for just a few hours.

It had been three years since she left. For three years he had watched Gail and Traci and even Oliver, Chris and Dov wonder how she was, almost everyday.

Where she was.

If she was okay.

Gail was the first one out of their group getting married, besides Traci, and Andy just had to be a part of it.

As Nick walked away he thought about Jerry and Traci and their sad ending. He remembered someone mentioning an envelope that Jerry left with Swarek and Oliver, for Traci in case anything ever happened to him.

_Swarek. _

Just his name was enough to make Nick a little pissed at how he was the reason Andy left and never came back, never wrote, never called. He had ripped their tight little group apart, making it weaker.

He was stupid enough to let her go the first time. He was a total ass for letting her go the second time. But when he stood there after she left Zoe's 40th, even after Gail told him he was an ass for letting Andy go again, despite having been there with a date, Nick didn't think Sam deserved to be loved like that by someone like that.

Andy was special, and although Swarek had broken through her defenses, he had just ended up breaking her in the end. And himself. Nick saw it that day written all over his face, much like the day Andy held on to that grenade, Sam truly loved Andy, but he was too much of a stubborn ass to try forgive himself and try fix what he broke.

Catch what he let go.

Thinking of the envelope, as he shook the morbid thought from his mind, he wondered if everyone did it, it wasn't something that anyone openly discussed.

Approaching Oliver at his desk, finishing paperwork, Nick stopped and asked.

"Oliver, I know Jerry left an envelope with you guys before...um, you know for Traci, does everyone do that?".

Oliver smiled at the responsibility that Jerry was still a part of so many years after his passing.

"Yeah, pretty much. I have mine with Sammy and Frank. I also have Sammy's...".

Oliver turned the words around as him mind muddled over the idea, as he leaned back in the chair, a sad smile covering his face.

Sam had given him an envelope before he left on the Brennan case, and when he came back, he exchanged it for another, and over the years after that he had never changed it again. He knew Sam's had a will and a letter for Sarah in it usually, not wanting to leave things like that with Sarah herself, it would just scare her more than she already was.

Oliver couldn't believe he never thought of this before. Since Mcnally, Sam had only changed envelopes once. He should have changed it again after they broke-up, shouldn't he?

Pulling out his phone he sent a quick text to a number Sam used on occasion to check in and find out if Sarah was okay.

He'd been in deep cover since about a week after Mcnally left again, but would make the effort at least twice a month.

Hitting the green button, Oliver sent the text, knowing he wouldn't get a reply for who knows how long.

The reply was almost instantaneous, and caused Oliver to smile like he won the lottery.

Sam's reply to his question of 'do we need to change the envelope?' Had come back as a simple 'nope'.

Meaning whatever was in there would still apply.

"You should do one for Gail". Oliver smile before standing up and making his way to the coffee machine, a spring in his step.

He would be taking a peek into that envelope when he got home tonight, a pack of wild dogs wouldn't keep him from doing it.

Luke opened the note, briefly reading over the words before sliding the paper into the shredder, erasing the ink with a loud noise that lasted less then ten seconds.

Maybe this would be a good thing this time round, maybe it would work out this time.

Luke thought back over the years pertaining mainly to memories of Sam and Andy, as he swung his chair around. Andy was doing okay under, but she wasn't the same person he once knew. She'd lost her spark, her passion dwindling to almost the point of halfheartedness. The few times he had seen her since she was last in Toronto she seemed almost too into her UC cover role, like she was using it as an escape from her own life, her own pain.

It was sad really, she was one of the most lovable people he had ever met, only she didn't trust easily, or actually ever. The people she loved and trusted let her down or left her, so that was something she naturally carried with her. Sad baggage.

Until she met Swarek.

They all saw it coming back then, even him, but funny how the one person that Andy loved unconditionally and trusted completely was the one to break her.

He had heard the rumors of Swarek not doing too well after the first time she left, but he seemed to have moved on when he heard of Sam making an appearance at the Shaw house before Andy left the last time, but after that, Swarek just seemed to drop off the radar.

Maybe having Andy back here for a while they could pick up the pieces coz he knew that Andy was still regretting her decision to leave permanently, and she still carried a torch for Sam, Luke could see it in her eyes, their flicker was missing, the light that used to dance in them was gone as soon as Sam was out of her life.

Picking up the phone he sent a text, simply telling her handler she needed a break, he was to give her an indefinite vacation.

Andy stood staring at Luke as she saw him pull up at the meeting site.

"You?". Andy was a little surprised when she heard that she was getting leave and someone would be by to pick her up. She never expected Luke to be the one enforcing it, when he was running the task force.

"Yeah, you haven't had a vacation in three years, you're gonna burn out. Besides you have an event to attend". Luke said handing over the red and silver envelope over as she slid into the passenger seat.

Andy took the envelope and opened it with a curious expression.

"What? Seriously?". She couldn't help the shriek of joy she let escape. It was the first time she felt happy in...like three years.

"I've given you a month off, that's a week away, use you're time as you wish". Luke said as he pulled away, letting Andy leave the UC apartment she was using behind.

"So where to?" he asked as they stopped at a red light.

"Um, my dads". Andy said after a moments hesitation. She didn't know how she'd find everyone when she went back to Toronto, the three hour drive there was going to be enough to set her on edge, and as much as she missed everyone, she missed her dad the most.

Andy spent the next three days sleeping. Her dad literally had tears in his eyes when he opened the door to find her standing behind it with a small duffel bag, indicating she wasn't back permanently. That thought broke his heart, she could see the sadness in his eyes everytime she looked at him.

The fourth day of being back, she decided to surprise the happy couple and let them know she was back. Luke had told her Nick asked for her to be pulled out as he knew Gail really wanted her at their wedding, it was probably why she had been putting it off for so long.

Hopes dashed that Andy would be back soon, prolonging their nuptials.

Knocking on the door at the address Luke had given her, Andy waited with bated breath for it to be opened, and was relived when it finally did.

Nick stared at her blinking rapidly as if he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Hi". Andy whispered as Nick turned to see where Gail was.

"One second". He whispered holding up a finger, before walking away calling Gail. Less than a minute later they came walking down the hallway, Nicks hands over Gail's eyes as they stopped in front of Andy.

"So, I had a surprise delivered for you, I hope you don't think its too much". Nick said as he smiled at Andy who struggled to stifle a giggle.

"Really? So is it something big?". Gail purred as she smiled excitedly.

"Uh-hu".

"And shiny?".

"Nope"

"Um...what's it feel like?".

"Um, soft and warm, and...fleshy".

"Eeeww that sounds disgusting!"

"You'll like this one, I promise...". Nick said as he lifted his hands from her eyes to watch Andy smile and Gail step back into him.

"Andy?"

"Hey". Before Andy had a chance to breath, Gail was squeezing the air and circulation out of her in one hell of a tight hug.

"You got me Andy". Gail said not letting go.

Later, after ordering pizza and catching up over beer, they were all loafing in the lounge, catching up on what Andy had missed when Nick excused himself to bed, giving them some girl time.

"I still can't believe he got you here. I know we've never been friends like you and Traci, but what you did for me, I could never forget that. You didn't even ask any questions. No-one has ever been that selfless with me, besides Jerry, thank you Andy".

Andy smiled a sad smile at the mention of Jerry. It bought on a flood of sad memories, memories she left to escape.

"So, you'll be here for Saturday right?".

Andy nodded. It was the only reason she was here. She didn't know how long she'd stay, but she wouldn't miss it for the world.

"Um...is...".

Andy didn't really wanna ask, but this time she wanted to be prepared.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, my brother came up with the idea of inviting all our TO's, my mother loves the idea and she sorta did the invites. But I've done the table arrangements, so you won't be anywhere close by".

"Its okay, really it is, it was a long time ago, I just didn't wanna have a repeat of Oliver's".

"I'm just really glad you're here! Stay the spare room is made up". Gail clung to Andy's hand as she spoke. Andy just nodded.

It felt weird to be here, like this with Gail, but it felt good. They felt better than they had when she left. Gail had seemed to find some calming peace, less of the ice queen, more a person demeanor about her. What ever Nick was doing, he had done good.

Andy fell into sleep dreaming of how her visit to Traci would go in the morning.

After a week of catching up with everyone, Andy was exhausted. But she reveled in the feeling of being home.

Saturday morning arrived, rushing around for hair and nail appointments, making sure her dress was still in a wearable condition. Gail had chosen a Romeo & Juliet theme, and most of the attendees would be wearing dress blues, but their partners would be wearing their civilian clothes, Andy no longer carrying a badge didn't have dress blues anymore, so she opted for a simple black knee length dress, and a pair of killer heels.

It was an open back strappy dress, that she bought especially for this, with a little help from Traci.

The venue was a very up market place, and with the wedding being Superintendent Peck's daughter it was bound to be dressy. Happy with her reflection in the mirror, Andy left her old room at her dads to wait for Traci.

Her nerves were shattered, her stomach churned, her brain went into self preservation mode and caused her breathing to increase and her pulse to take off like it was super charged.

This was the moment of truth, this was the day she would come face to face with her past, face to face with what she had let slip away because she chose her career over him, making the biggest mistake of her life by letting him go after he had said what she had always known, but always hoped to hear. And she would be forced to face her lie, the thought made her shudder.

She was ready to do this, she had to do this, she would do this.

Oh who was she kidding? She was terrified of doing this!

**** Thanks for reading! Hope you'll review, even if its to guess how their meeting will go, although its already written.

On a happy note; just 4 more sleepies before I get Season 3!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the amazing reviews for chapter 6! You guys really are awesome! Sorry about the getting her back & then 'Poof'!

But that's how my mind works.

Well here's chapter 7- so let me know what you think when you're done reading!

Linda P- here's one for you!

Thanks Kelly2727!

Chapter 7

The service was short and sweet, the happy couple choosing to do the brief version.

Afterwards the guests were ushered into the beautifully decorated hall adjoining the chapel , while the bridal couple was whisked away for photos.

Appetizers and champagne were served while they waited, Andy drinking more than she should in a bid to calm here nerves.

She had yet to set eyes on him, but she felt his presence, from the second she set foot in the chapel, it was lingering around her like an unseen second skin, just like it had always done.

Traci just watched her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk gracing her lips as Andy reached for the second glass, while the first one still had a rather large sip in it.

"_Do not say a word_". Andy mumbled between sips.

"I won't". Traci let out with a giggle as she stepped towards Andy as a photographer came around snapping shots.

Sam stood watching Andy from a far corner across the room. She was just posing for a photo with Traci when she looked his way, trying to keep her face from showing any emotion. But her big brown eyes flashed sadness.

Oliver chose that moment to step between them, Zoe nestled under his arm.

"You have_ got_ to stop doing that!". Oliver's tone was playful but his face was kept straight.

"Doing what?". Sam played the innocent card as he took a sip of his beer.

"Staring at her, we have a term for it, its called stalking, we usually arrest people that do it, so just stop". Oliver noticed Sam's eyes following her since she set foot in the chapel, only difference was, now he made no attempt to hide the fact that he was doing it.

Zoe excused herself, slipping away at that moment.

"I'm not". Sam said looking back in the direction he was forbidden to.

"Sammy, brother you just did it again. Nothings changed has it? That's why you won't swap out your envelope isn't it?".

"Ollie, seriously? You want to talk about this now? I haven't seen you in almost a year and this is the topic of conversation you choose?".

"Don't avoid the subject. Has it changed?".

When Nick brought up the topic of the envelopes, Oliver did what he had said he would, he went home and took Sam's out the safe and sat staring at it until Zoe found him that way.

"You know how wrong that is right?". She asked stopping in the doorway.

"Yup, but there's something I need to know". Oliver sighed looking up at her.

"Like?".

"Why he won't swap it out, they've been apart for years, breaking up on really bad terms, and I just wanna know what's in here that he doesn't want changed and why".

"Oliver, its none of your business. You saw them both here that day, that is what he's written in there,

Whatever's in there is between him and her, no-one else. And I swear if you open it, you will be back to sleeping on the couch". With that Zoe whisked herself out of the room. Oliver sighed, she was right, putting the envelope back in its resting place inside the safe, he swung the door closed on the secrets of Sam Swarek pertaining to one Mcnally.

"Nope". Sam didn't bother with the technicalities of covering it up anymore. What was the point? They all saw it before he admitted it, and when he did finally did admit it, it was too late, he had lost her by then.

"So just go over there and talk to her. She's changed too Sam, its not like you have anymore to loose is it?".

"Nope, not gonna happen". Sam said as he raised an quirky eyebrow.

"Sammy really? You gonna just let it stay like this? Until one day when its really too late and both of you are beyond repair, or you just waiting to whisper it on your dying breath?". Oliver's tone shifted from the friendly taunting to the most serious one as Sam slivered his eyes back to Andy before back to Oliver.

"Let's just drop it okay? Not gonna happen in this lifetime or the next, or even the one after that. This is how she chose to have things, before she left the first time, I told her _I loved her_, the day she was holding that bomb? Yeah that day, and you know what? She _still_ walked away. She told me she doesn't feel the same way anymore. She came back and then left again, this time permanently. What's changed in the three years she's been gone?_ Nothing_! I haven't moved on although I _tried_ my damnedest too, but it doesn't work coz they're not her. It doesn't work coz _I don't want it to_, and it doesn't work coz no matter who they are, what I feel for her is _still_ there, and it doesn't even come close to comparing to them. I finally told her that day and she left Oliver. Walked out of my life like it was some kind of insignificant inconvenience for her to stay, well you know what? She can have it that way, if that's how she wants it coz no matter what happens, nothings gonna change in the next three years, ten years or fifty years". Sam finished his whispered rant and moved away from Oliver back to the bar in search of something stronger, but not before casting one last glance towards Andy.

Oliver stood there speechless. Sam just let it all out there, wafting through the air as though his life depended on the words being admitted out loud. He looked between Sam and Andy and back to Sam.

_Sam was in way over his head. _

Andy had a sad expression on her face as she looked away from them back to some guy in a uniform that he didn't recognize.

The guy vaguely resembled that wrestler his daughters worshiped, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, he even had that toothy grin, as he towered over Andy, bidding for her attention.

_Man that guy was huge!_

Shaking the thoughts from his head, Oliver turned back to Sam, who had moved off again.

These two really needed to pull their shit together.

Walking back over to Sam, Oliver rested a hand on his tense shoulder before mumbling an apology.

He really had no idea.

"Just one more thing?".

Sam nodded, although his eyes were focused on his beer bottle.

"You should tell her how long you've felt that way...".

Sam raised a hand to cut Oliver's word off.

"You don't think I did that? I tried everything short of begging on my knees...".

"Let me give her the envelope".

"No! That was left for one day for when I'm not around, you give it to her now and I swear you will never see me ever again. That is the only time she gets it understood?". Sam had his face set in determination, which made Oliver even more set on giving it to Andy.

"Okay, let's stop here, before either of us decides to throw a punch, let's enjoy the rest of the wedding brother". Oliver turned to wave the barman over for two shots of tequila. Maybe if Sam had some liquid courage he'd do something other than something stupid.

Andy watched Sam watching her.

The minute she felt his gaze on her inside the chapel, the butterflies in her stomach returned to swooping flights as they zig zagged around. The feelings she had always felt came rushing back, settling in on her like waves of euphoria. The regret she felt for lying to Sam about how she felt that day was starting to eat her from the inside out as it set her stomach turning to the pace of causing sudden nausea.

Andy turned away from some random guy that was talking a mile a minute about who knows what, slipping her champagne glass into Traci's hand before bolting for the door. She needed fresh air, she needed room to breathe. The claustrophobic feeling of being confined in a room with Sam and probably well over fifty other people became too much as she felt the alcohol play its part in her lightheadedness.

She stopped only when she reached the stairs leading into the hall, her heels click clacking as they met the rough concrete that made up the stairscase. Feeling the relief of the open space and cool night breeze, Andy couldn't help but wonder why she was here. She came for a wedding, but was that the only reason? Her mind argued with her heart, one saying yes, one saying no as she stepped down to the bottom step before slowing down.

Sam saw her leave and cast a worried look towards Traci, who looked towards Oliver who handed Sam his beer and left behind Andy's retreating figure.

He found her pacing the broad step, her strides relentless.

"Hey, you okay?". Andy's head peered up, her eyes barely peeking out from under her fringe.

"Yes...no...I dunno? Why is this so hard? Is it even supposed to be this hard?".

"Nope, you're making it hard, you and him both. You complicate it, making it harder on both of you. Can we...um, go for a quick drive?".

Andy nodded knowing she was safe with Oliver, needing to get away.

An immeasurable amount of time passed before Andy saw them pull up outside Oliver's house, a questioning look on her face.

She followed Oliver inside and took a seat on the couch while he disappeared for a minute before coming back holding a large white envelope with her name written across the middle of the pale front.

"I'm gonna give you this against his request not to, and my better judgment. I've had this since a few days after Brennan, and even when I asked if he wanted to swap it out, after...you know, he said no. I dunno what's in it, but maybe this will help one of you, both of you? Its killing you both, destroying what was there, but you're both too damn stubborn to give in and work at fixing it". Oliver held out the envelope for her to take but Andy shook her head. She knew what it was, and wanted no part in ever knowing what secrets its contents contained.

"I...can't ..."

"Can't or won't Mcnally?"

"Both Oliver, its been three years, that changes things, changes people. Whatever is in there is no longer applicable...".

"Stop, I asked him in the week and again tonight, whatever he left in here still applies, Andy when it comes to you, nothing has changed with him, he still feels the same way. Remember the date he bought to zoe's 40th? One look at you and she was history, he broke it off the next morning. Trust me on this okay, you need to do this". Oliver still holding out the envelope let out a huffed breath as Andy finally took it and pulled open the sealed lip of paper, before pulling out sheets of paper.

Andy stared at the first page, a short hand written note from Sam, her eyes reading over the familiar scrawl, oblivious to Oliver leaving the room.

She couldn't believe what she was reading. There in his own handwriting, dated the day after they found him at Brennan's farmhouse were the sweetest words.

Andy

Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by how many times your breath is taken away, you take mine away so many times in one day its hard to believe I'm still breathing.

In case I never get the opportunity to say the words to you, I love you, more than you will ever imagine, and you give me everything just by breathing.

No amount of time that passes, or anything that ever happens will change that, ever.

Once you asked what was holding me back from taking a UC and I replied 'You, love working with you McNally, can't imagine my life without you in it', well that was the truth, even though I left.

Because I simply can't imagine my life without you in it, and hope the day will never come where I have to live like it.

If you're reading this, then it means something happened and I'm no longer around, so all I want to say is I have truly loved you like no other, and that I felt that way until I drew my last breaths, no matter what happens between today's date and the date you read this, it never changed, it never stopped.

Love always

Sam.

Andy shoved the papers back into the open envelope, not bothering to read the rest, and stood up to face Oliver, tears in her eyes, her pale skin now almost translucent despite the soft make-up she had on.

"All these years Oliver, this whole time, and he never said a word? He pushed me away and when he asked for a chance to fix it, I sorta told him that I didn't love him anymore? And I thought he was just saying it in the heat of the moment coz I could have died holding that bomb and that he said it out of guilt? For leaving me standing in the rain. I am so stupid".

"Andy he...". Oliver's words drifted into silence as he heard his phone ringing and pulled it out his pocket to see Traci's name flash on the screen.

"Hello Nash"

"Yeah she's with me"

"Okay I'll tell her".

"Okay so Nash says she's got your stuff and heading home, she'll meet us at your dads".

"Why is she leaving?".

"Some guys got into a fight, so she just decided to leave".

"Who?".

Andy couldn't shake the feeling that they were trying to keep her from going back.

"Just some guests". Oliver said as they stepped out the door after he went to put Sam's envelope back in the safe before Zoe saw it was open and he got the couch.

"Andy...".

"Who Oliver?".

"Sam and Luke".

*****So let me know what you think!

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the really awesome reviews for chapter 7! They get better with every chapter! **

**You guys sure know how to give huge compliments too, so thanks! **

**Thanks to all the regulars & welcome to the newbies! **

**Thanks to Kelly2727! **

*******A/N; okay so everyone keeps saying that they want Sam & Andy together like now- but this is bordering around 17 chapters, with a lot happening, (& none of it boring, & lot of unexpected twists) coz I just don't think they're there yet, but as always- they will get there! **

**Its sort of my 'evolution' of them project, so hope you'll all continue to enjoy it! **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Chapter 8**

**Andy was confused as to why Sam and Luke went for another round of retraining at a Peck wedding no less.**

**Had they both gone insane?**

**Neither were the physically violent type, so it was just really out of character. **

**Andy knew Sam had a temper, but he usually managed to keep the anger under wraps, so undoubtedly, there was no question in her mind that this was all him. She only ever knew of him losing total control once, one time where he could not keep the fury reigned in, could not keep that unbridled anger from making an appearance, and that was the day she told him that the 'thing' the night before was what it was, a one night stand. **

**But she only knew that, because she had heard it. **

**He waited for her to leave before giving in to the desire to let the anger become controlling, instead of controlling the anger. But at least he had waited for her to leave that day, she in some kind of twisted was, respected and appreciated that. **

**When Oliver and Andy pulled up outside Tommy's house, Traci was already waiting, and climbed out her car as soon as she saw the headlights pull up behind her. **

**Oliver barely had time to kill the engine, before one fuming Mcnally unsnapped her seatbelt and was out the car, thankfully not trying the fit the door on the otherside by slamming it. **

**"What happened?". Andy all but yelled stalking over to where Traci was now leaning up against her car. **

**"Nothing Andy". Traci tried to dismiss her attempt to be inquisitive. **

**She really just didn't wanna go there right now, or maybe ever. **

**"Trace!". Andy's voice had an edge to it that Traci had never heard, something she must have picked up over the years doing undercover. It was sort of ruthless, but held a tinge of concern. **

**"Okay, after you left Sam had a few too many and Luke walks up to him at the bar to get a drink and made some smart ass comment like 'I told you, you were an idiot' before Sam just lost it and punched him in the face yelling something like 'its you're fault she left asshole'. I dunno more than that except that things got heavy and the guys had to break it up, and pull them apart before Peck kicked them out. Gail loved the action though". **

**"What?". Andy shrieked turning to Oliver. **

**"You see Oliver, that's why it won't ever work, as soon as u start to care - you WILL get hurt, or someone else will". Andy snatched her bag out of Traci's hand before storming towards the front door, fumbling blindly for the keys in it. **

**"I've got her, you might wanna go check on Sam". Traci said before following Andy towards the house. **

**"Andy, it was gonna happen sometime, I think its why Sam left fifteen too, he has **_**always**_** blamed Luke for you leaving.". Traci said as she walked through the door, closing it behind her. **

**"Seriously? **_**He's**_** the reason I left Trace, not Luke, he just gave me the out I needed". **

**"I know, but Sam doesn't see it that way". **

**"Well that's his problem". Andy searched her bag for her phone, hitting the speed dial, as she bombarded into the lounge, visibly shaking as she held the phone to her ear. **

**"I am so sorry that happened!". She said the minute the line was picked up. **

**"So you heard?". Luke mumbled into the speaker, his jaw obviously not co-operating with speech. **

**"Yeah". **

**"He's right you know". **

**"Are you kidding me? He punches you in the face and you condone his behavior?". Andy was in denial of what she was hearing. **

**"Yeah, if I hadn't let you into the task force you wouldn't have left, you would have given him another chance and you know it". **

**"Luke...I **_**don't**_** know that and neither do you, aarrrggg...this just seems to be getting worse, can I be reassigned on monday?". **

**"Andy I don't think...". **

**"Luke don't think, just do it okay? I need to leave and never come back, me being here is not helping, its making everything worse!". **

**Andy slammed the call to an end before Luke could say another word, her mind was made up, she was done with it, him everything! **

**She was leaving and never coming back. Ever. **

**Andy looked up to see her dad standing in the kitchen doorway watching her with the most sad look on his face. **

**"Dad...I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore". Andy said stiffly as she looked at him. **

**He mumbled an 'I know' before he turned and walked away. **

**Traci left after a while, her dad probably asleep by now, and her? She was laying in bed wondering why she had ever decided to leave in the first place. **

**Things would never have gotten this bad if she had stayed and given Sam the chance he asked for that day. She couldn't even begin to fathom how one person could continuously screw up so many times, and so many lives. She didn't understand how she kept doing it, she just did. She left to make things better, she told the lie of a lifetime in order to leave, she chose her career over her heart to stop her heart from breaking anymore and just broke the few fragments that were left into smaller pieces until there was nothing left by coming back. **

**Breakfast smells stirred her the next morning, the aroma of bacon and eggs, toast and the sweet smell of blueberry muffins and hot coffee pulling her out of the fitful groggy sensation that was meant to resemble sleep. **

**"Hey kiddo". Tommy greeted as Andy stepped into the kitchen still in her pajamas, the need to eat overwhelming the desire to shower, she just washed her face and brushed her teeth before following the smell. **

**"Smells good". Andy said kissing his cheek, and sitting down at the kitchen table across from him. **

**"Yeah, thought I'd spoil you so you can have the rest of the day to say goodbye to everyone else". **

**Tommy said as he poured them coffee. **

**"Dad...". **

**"I know kiddo, I felt the same way with your mom, but I'm proud of you, you didn't start drowning your sorrows, you used them to feed your career". **

**"How'd you know?". Andy was shocked that he knew that much considering she hadn't told him any of the story of her and Sam or why she left to start with. **

**"I heard the rumors about Swarek after you left, I know the look of you being in love, so wasn't hard to figure out. Only thing is, you still have the same look Andy". **

**Andy stared at her dad with wide eyes, at hearing his statement. **

**When did he get so wise?**

**"Andy, the thing is, you've only ever had that look since Swarek, never before, and its still there". Tommy said just to clarify what he meant, before biting down on a mouthful of bacon, and a wedge of toast. **

**"I know". Andy said before sipping on her coffee. **

**After breakfast Andy did rounds past Traci, Nick and Gail and stopped by the barn to see Chris and Dov. After saying bye to Traci and apologizing to Nick and Gail for Sam and Luke ruining their wedding, which they countered with a thanks for free entertainment, Andy found herself making her way back to her dad to spend her last few hours with him. **

**He made dinner and set the table, before they sat down and just let the conversation flow over easy, comfortable topics. **

**Halfway through dinner, Andy looked up at Tommy when her grew quiet, noticing he had a strange look on his face, as his eyes stared ahead, seemingly drifting off into space, without blinking. **

**"Dad?". Andy called hoping to snap him out of his daydream when he suddenly just leaned over towards the left before slumping off the chair and hitting the ground with a loud thud. **

**Sam's phone was ringing, somewhere its shrill was pulling him out of the deep, alcohol infused dreams he was having. Reaching out for it he found it on the night stand next his head before peering out of one half open eye to see who dared to call him this time on a monday morning. **

**He never expected to see Callaghan's name flash across the screen. Ignoring the call, he let it go to voicemail. **

**Until it started ringing again and again, each call going unanswered, until a beep signaled a new message. **

**His curiosity taking charge, Sam listened and nearly dropped his phone when hearing Callaghan's words. **

**'Swarek...answer the damn phone. Its Tommy Mcnally, he had a stroke and they don't think he's gonna make it...I think...just call me". **

**Hitting the green button Sam called back without hesitation, now totally awake and fully sobered up after hearing those words. **

**"Its abou..."**

**"Where is she?". **

**"Over at General, she hasn't called anyone so...she called to cancel leaving tomorrow, but I thought...she needs you right now...". **

**Luke was having trouble finding the words he really wanted to say, his jaw still felt like it had been run over by a train, but he needed to say something. **

**"Um...thanks?". Was all Sam managed to mumble, unsure of what he was supposed to do or say right now. **

**"I'll wait for you before I leave, third floor ICU". Luke said before hanging up, telling Sam what he was supposed to do. **

**Sam pulled the phone from his ear to stare at it. Did Callaghan seriously want him to go over there? **

**Knowing he probably shouldn't, Sam was out of bed, grabbing jeans and a shirt before slamming his front door on the way out. He'd taken two weeks leave when he got the wedding invitation, hoping to spend it sleeping in his own bed, until the entity know as Mcnally showed up. Now it was gonna be two weeks drinking to sleep, and drinking to forget until this morning. Three days into his leave and it was the thought furthest from him mind, the drinking or sleeping, now the only thing on his mind was Andy. **

**Sam found Luke where he said he'd be, slumped down in a chair half asleep. He straightened up when he saw Sam approaching.**

**"Hey". Sam greeted as Luke stood up, his eyes drifting over the black eye and bruised jaw that was nestled under the blonde hair. **

**"They won't let me in, but he's hanging in there for now. She hasn't been out, so she doesn't know i called you, I just want you to know I think that she might just need you now, so you know, just be there?". Luke was straight to the point as he eyed Sam's dark eyes leering at him from two black ones. **

**"Thanks". Sam said holding out his hand for Luke to shake. **

**"Um...sorry about...you know?". Sam added as Luke moved his hand forwards. **

**"Don't worry about it, I deserved it. Shouldn't have let her take it, it was a stupid move, but she's a good cop Sam. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but she sorta never got over it, it drives her, its what makes her good at doing UC's but its killing her, she's loosing herself". **

**"I know". Sam said as someone stepped out the doors of the ICU. **

**Luke nodded as Sam turned to follow the nurse before she made it too far away, stopping her for an update on Tommy and looking for a way in. **

**The nurse refused to let Sam in, only telling him Tommy was still in a critical condition, that it was a touch and go situation. Sam thanked her before turning and making his way back to the chairs to find them empty, Luke having silently slipped out. **

**Sam sat for what felt like hours in those uncomfortable plastic chairs, feet up, feet down, legs crossed, legs straight. **

**He'd been into the ICU twice to get an update on Tommy getting the same answer the nurse had given him earlier both times. The third time, he found a different nurse behind the desk as he approached. **

**Asking for an update on Tommy, Sam felt his eyes wonder to all the closed doors lining the hallway, wondering which one led to the Mcnally's. **

**"Um... Tommy Mcnally? How's he?". Sam said still eying the doors. **

**"He's critical, I'm sorry it doesn't look promising". The nurse said as she visibly shuddered at having to utter those words out loud. **

**"His daughter? How's...how's she?". Stupid question Sam thought, but he couldn't help it from slipping out this time. **

**"She's holding up. Doctor was just in there, but its not good news, he said that it was just a matter of time, he doesn't think Mr Mcnally will make it through the night. He suffered a severe stroke and has a cerebral hemorrhage, either from the stroke or the fall". The nurse whispered. **

**"Can I see them?". Sam didn't hesitate in asking this time, when before he'd kept his distance, just being there if she needed them. **

**"Are you related?". The nurse asked, following protocol, although she felt she shouldn't. **

**"Yes". Sam said, following his instincts, he had to get in there and if lying was the key then he wasn't above doing it. **

**"Third door left side". She smiled as Sam nodded a thanks. Who was he trying to kid? He was here for the girl and there was no way they were related. **

**Sam found the door slightly open, and stopped outside as he heard Andy's broken voice drift out behind the white wood. **

**"Its okay, I know...I know its hard, but its okay...if you need to go. You don't have to stay anymore...you've been a great dad over the years and I love you, but if you need to go, I'll understand. You made me what I am today...thank you.". Andy's words sent a chill down Sam's spine as he listened to her voice silence into soft sobs. **

**"They...uh...they say if you really love something, let it go, if it comes back its yours to keep, so I know I should let you go...". **

**Andy's words slammed into Sam as he heard them. Suddenly the final pieces of the puzzle fell into place, answering years of unanswered questions. **

**His gut had been right, the day she stood there holding that bomb, she had lied. **

**Sensing a presence Andy looked towards the doorway to see Sam's sad face watching her through the crack of the open door. She audibly stifled a breath as her eyes met his, before his seemed to be searching hers for permission to enter the room, or even be here. **

**"Sam?". **

**"Luke". **

**He took her voicing her confusion at his presence as the permission he needed and stepped into the room. **

**His heart broke at the sight of her red, bloodshot, puffy eyes, her face void of any emotion other than harrowing sadness. **

**Sam pulled a chair from the corner of the room and sat next to Andy, leaving just enough space between them that he was still in arm's reach. **

**Silence engulfed the room, machines beeping and oxygen flowing the only sounds besides Andy's occasional sniveling. **

**"I need to um... Will you stay? I need to use the bathroom". **

**Andy broke the silence, her eyes still facing Tommy, her hands still gently stroking the one of his she held. **

**"Yeah". Sam stood up to move so Andy could pass, watching her kiss Tommy's forehead making him just wanna pull her into a hug and never let go. **

**Andy left the room, Sam still standing watching Tommy when the machines suddenly let off alarm bells as Sam stood to the side when the door swung open and nursing staff rushed in. **

**The doctor followed before holding up his watch to see the time and pulling out Tommy's chart and scribbling a note in it before calling his time of death at 3-17am. Turning to Sam the doctor mumbled a soft 'I'm sorry, he had a no resuscitate clause for certain medical cases', before Sam turned and left the room. **

**It was as though Tommy was waiting for Andy to set foot out the room before he left, wanting to spare her the pain of holding his hand and watching his last moments. **

**Sam moved out the ICU to lean against the wall waiting for Andy to come out the bathroom in the hallway after the nurse pointed him in the right direction.**

**The minute the ladies room door swung open, Sam pushed off the wall and turned to face Andy who stopped dead in her tracks the minute she saw Sam standing in the hallway. **

**He didn't need to tell her, didn't need to say the words, she knew. He took a few steps closer to her, not knowing what to do, what to say, how to react, so he waited for her to tell him or show him what she needed. **

**But she just stood there, staring at him as her bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes began to leak tears. Her body seemed to take over with soft ripples as she wrapped her arms around herself as she let soft whimpers escape her lips. **

**Sam still didn't know what to do, he could see she needed comforting when she wrapped her own arms around herself, but he was hesitant as to how she would feel if he wrapped his arms around her. **

**So he did the only thing he thought was the right thing in that moment and took another step forwards, holding his arms up next to him, letting her decide if it was what she wanted or needed. **

**Within seconds she crashed into him as her whimpers become full on cries of someone truly heartbroken. **

*****thanks for spending time here! & sorry, I kinda killed Tommy again, but with a reason, I promise! **

**So leave me another one of those awesome reviews? **

**Have an awesome day!**

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	9. Chapter 9

Wow, you guys keep getting better & better on you're reviews, so thanks! Really appreciate all the awesome ones you leave, so please keep it up!

Thanks to all the regulars & welcome to all the newbies! & all the guests!

Thanks to Kelly2727

Sorry about Tommy (again!) But it kinda had to go that way, so hope this chapter will make up for it!...

Chapter 9

Sam wrapped his arms around her, tightly, never wanting to let go. Not now not ever.

How had he ever been so stupid, when this felt so right?

If it were under different circumstances he would relish in the feeling, probably just self combust at the sheer happiness he was feeling right now, but it was only out of her need for comfort that they were in this position. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to enjoy the feeling of having her wrapped up in his arms.

Andy's tears wet his shirt as they dripped down, but he didn't care, he didn't mind. Her arms snaked out wrapping around his waist as she still shook and trembled, letting her broken heart leak the signs of sorrow in the form of tears.

Sam let her stand and cry, never letting his hold on her waiver or become less, instead he just tightened it, holding her in place until she was ready to step out of his embrace.

But she stood still, leaning into him, making no attempt to pull back or put any space between them. She sort of clung to him a little tighter when his embrace tightened, as though she thought he would back away.

When her sobs calmed to mere sniveling, Sam put his hands on her arms and pushed her back before looking at her and whispering "let's get you home" to which Andy nodded before he wrapped her under his arm and pulled her towards the doors.

She kept her gaze focused out the window the whole drive home, occasionally moving one of her hands up to swipe a stray tear away. The silence engulfing them, as each snuck away into their own thoughts.

Sam sneaking glances over at her ever so often, as his thoughts mainly revolved around her, and hers he knew were memories and images of her and Tommy's lives.

Sam stopped in front of Tommy Mcnally's house and killed the engine before putting a hand gently on Andy's arm to pull her from her daze, causing her to jump slightly from the unexpected contact, and from the heat of it as Sam's fingers just brushed her skin before pulling away.

She turned to him and tried to find a smile, but failed before turning her eyes to the house before they widened and misted over again.

That was all that Sam needed to start the truck up again before backing out the driveway and taking a left turn.

Andy didn't want to be there, and probably shouldn't be there alone, so Sam took her home.

That sounded so good in his head, the words Andy and home in the same sentence.

"Sam...I can...". Andy mumbled as she looked down at her hands before Sam just let out a sigh. A really loud sigh.

Causing Andy to look up at him, her lip trembling again.

"Its okay, Mcnally, I can take you anywhere you wanna go right now, to Nash's, a motel wherever, it doesn't matter".

Didn't she get that he knew her well enough to know that they didn't need words to have a conversation.

"Sorry, I ...I...".

"Andy don't apologize, I get it, you don't wanna be there right now, so I was gonna take you home and let you get some sleep, nothing else".

"I know". Andy said before adding "thanks" slightly under her breath.

Sam stood watching Andy sip the coffee on the couch, her unaware of his presence. She looked so broken and fragile and venerable sitting there. So lost.

She sat staring off into space, lost in some kind of memory or daydream or daze.

She was curled up, retreating into whatever she was remembering, but also like she was trying to momenterily hide from the world.

Although Sam had noticed that she came back stronger when he saw her at the Peck wedding, she was far from that sight now. She looked like the Andy she had been when he first met her, just without the defiance written on her face.

"Andy, you should get some sleep". She looked so tired too.

Damn Callaghan for working her so damn hard she looked like she was about to break.

"Yeah, I will. Thanks Sam, for...everything. You can head to bed, I'm just gonna sit here a while".

Her voice carried out softly, as though she thought a loud tone would cause more of her crumbling world to fall down around her, and she didn't look back at him either, probably unwilling to show him her tear stained cheeks that she probably thought would make him think her weak.

Sam pulled off the doorframe and moved to sit next to her, wrapping one arm around her, pulling the blanket he gave her when they arrived up under her chin, without uttering another word. Any contact with her was welcome, but comforting her when her father just died made Sam want to curse the universe for hurting something so...perfect.

Sam sat cursing himself after that thought crossed his mind, knowing he had done exactly that, and done the things he promised not to do, and didn't do the things he promised he would.

Like fight for it if things got tough, instead he walked away. Everytime since then, when she had been within his reach, he had stepped back and let her go, never reaching out or trying to keep hold of her, or them.

Maybe it was time he did.

The thought caused a small smile to tug on his lips, as he looked down to find Andy's eyes closed, her head leaning on his shoulder as she breathed softly.

That right there was probably the defining moment in their relationship for Sam as he sat watching her sleep. The most peaceful, calm, content expression playing over her face, as her hair sprayed out over his shoulder. The heartbreak she was undoubtebly feeling, seemed to drift away for a while as sleep took over and drew her away from the harshness of reality.

This was what he wanted, what he missed and what he was going to get back. The timing was off again with them, but when was it ever right?

Andy woke up to the soft movement of something under her hand, jumping she stared at Sam who had the stupidest grin on his face as she snatched her hand back from its resting place on his chest, next to the area she had obviously used as a pillow.

"Hi". She mumbled out as she felt a soft blush creep over her face before daunting thoughts and memories crept into her mind.

Sam watched as the memories turned her face from the momentarily happy, embarrassed expression to the one of returning sorrow as she remembered, her blush seeping away to be replaced by the paling look she wore last night.

"I'm so sorry" Sam whispered into her ear as he pulled her closer. And he meant it. He was truly sorry for Tommy but he was even more sorry for every wrong thing he had ever done to her, but mostly for breaking her heart so knowingly.

"Let's get some food in you, and I'll take you home". Sam said pulling away. If he didn't now, the words would come out, and now was the wrong time. It would be a while before she left with everything she had to sort out, and he would extend his leave, he was hell bent on having a talk before she made the decision to leave again.

He knew if she left now, she was never coming back.

Not this time.

But this time, he was not willing to let her go!

Sam made them omelets, neither really eating, and coffee before taking Andy back to Tommy's. Walking up to the door with her, Sam was fighting the urge to lean in and kiss her as she looked up at him with sad brown eyes.

"Call me if you need anything". Sam said when she swung the door open before turning and leaving.

Oliver got a call from Frank a little after 6am telling him that Tommy Mcnally had died after suffering a massive stroke, and that Callaghan somehow managed to get Sam over to the hospital.

Although it was sad news, the smile that tugged on his lips, showed his happy, blissful feeling that Sam and Andy just might be able to find some kind of common ground to stand on together, although it was marred by sadness, but that was what pulled them apart in the first place.

If Sam was willing to go over there after all their history (which Oliver just knew he would be, I mean this is Sam and Andy), and Andy would let him in just for a little while, especially now that her guard would be down, things would get better.

They had to.

Oliver being the true romantic he is, had never seen two more stubborn people than those two when it came to their feelings.

He found it so frustrating sometimes, that he wanted to lock them up in an interview room, turn off the lights, and leave them in there until they got over themselves. Or eachother, whatever way it went.

Mcnally was young, and sometimes naïve, but she had a good heart, and when she gave it away, or allowed it to be stolen, she let all of it go. There were no pieces that she would hang on to, she just loved wholeheartedly, she just needed to learn to **BE** loved the same way.

That was the one thing she needed to let go of and get over, she needed to let Sam in, and let him love her.

The thought of Sam, caused Oliver to sigh out loudly as he mulled over his broken friend.

Sam was a good guy, one of the most upstanding, guys he'd ever met, but he was also the most stubborn and hard-assed. Sam had all his morals in the right place, and usually his responsibilities, but when it came to Mcnally, everything just turned Sam upside down, including Sam himself.

Oliver had tried to warn Mcnally, he had tried to guide her in the direction she needed to go to meet Sam halfway, but she just kept back or side stepping where she needed to go in order to fix things.

He had tried to get her to understand more about why Sam was, well, Sam, but she just took off running instead. She was just too blind to see that Sam was so consumed by her, that the fear of actually having his feelings returned unconditionally, caused him to push her away and shut her down when she got too close.

Sam had dated in the past, but not ridiculously, he had just never met his match until she stumbled into his life. Never met the one that could or would ultimately tame him. She was in many ways his equal, she had the same passion about a line of work that could very well cost you you're life, she had the same caring nature for people, anyone she came into contact with, but she also had the same scared tendencies Sam had, they were both scared to be loved.

And scarred by their pasts.

Oliver wasn't quite sure they were ready when they tried giving a go at the whole 'together' thing years ago, but maybe now, they would be able to make it work.

Mcnally had grown up, a lot in the three and a half years she was gone. But she hadn't changed much, except for the fact that she now seemed a little harder than she was back then, maybe a little wiser.

Sam, mmm...Sam had let go of the hurt and anger that drove the wedge between them, he had accepted too.

Accepted that Jerry's death was just a way of life.

They had all lost friends along the way, but Sam had never lost someone that close to him, besides the few times that he and Sarah were split up in foster care, but she always came back, where as Jerry never would, because death was final.

Sam just didn't know how to deal with that, so he pushed Mcnally away so hard that she took off running before she hit the ground.

He knew a lot of what had happened between Sam & Mcnally back then, minor details from pieces of drunken ramblings when Sam drowned his sorrow after she first left. He just never let on how much he pieced together by his awesome cop skills.

He just didn't know how way over his head Sam was until his little rant at the Peck and Collins wedding. He also didn't know that some things never changed, although he had always suspected that Sam would never fall out of love or stop loving Mcnally, or love another soul as much as he loved her. He had the feeling that it was the same for her too.

Trying to explain that to Mcnally, and about why Sam is the way he is, coz he knew that Sam himself wouldn't, was hard. He couldn't find the right words to string together to phrase what he wanted to say, so instead back then, he told her some of Sam's story hoping she'd understand that Sam needed her, that she was good for Sam despite the fact the they were sort of at that moment in time breaking eachother.

After loosing Jerry, there was no way he was gonna stand around and loose Sam too. So he had his friends back, by trying to get through to Mcnally, to break Sam's resolve, coz truthfuly, she was and would always be Sam's only true weakness. He had honestly tried to talk to Sam and help him see that as long as Mcnally was breathing there would always be the chance that she would come home and they would work things out, but Sam couldn't seem to forgive himself for the words and actions that he let destroy what they had. Even though Oliver stressed the point that despite anything, Mcnally had to come home, coz THIS was her only home to come to.

But Sam just wouldn't let it go.

He wouldn't forgive himself and let it go.

Oliver was sure it was because Sam knew Andy hadn't forgiven him for it yet.

Even though they both seemed to be in a better place now, Oliver thought back to the day Sam bought his date to Zoe's 40th, and let out a low grumble.

Deep down he knew Mcnally only ever wanted Sam to put up a fight for her, coz that was the one thing she never had anybody ever do, fight for her, to keep her. He knew Mcnally needed that to get where she had to be to work things out with Sam, but that day, the look on her face had told him that she thought that Sam had finally let her go totally and completely, and that was just Sam's failed attempt at trying to get over her, on display for her to unfortunately see at the wrong time, not that she would stick around long enough to find that out later.

If she had, they would have saved themselves both years of misery.

Coz the fact of the matter remained twisted in their fate, their destiny was intertwined together, they just had to stop fighting it and accept that no amount of time or force of nature, or even any human entity would ever stop their paths from crossing, or their lives from being wrapped up in eachother's.

Over the next few days, Andy sorted out Tommy's funeral, and started tying up his affairs. It was a painstaking thing to do, but she was the only one that could do it.

She spent hours in the dark thinking over the hours she spent with Sam, why he came to the hospital and took her home. She contemplated calling and asking him straight out, but didn't want a huge explosion in her ear.

She was still mad at him for his lack of self contol at Gail and Nick's wedding, and for him blaming Luke for her leaving. Didn't he get that HE was the reason she left?

She was kinda mad at Luke for calling Sam too, when it was no longer his job to be there when she needed someone. He should have called Traci, so why he chose to call Sam was just beyond her right now.

But Sam came and that just confused the crap out of her. Why he would willingly sit in a hospital for her, for however many hours he had been there, when he so detested them, was just something she couldn't wrap her mind around, especially since they were no where near being the friends he had once so casually mumbled they should be.

Sam even took her home without her even having to voice her fear of going back into her dad's house alone, where he had the stroke that claimed his life mere hours before. Did he really still know her that well? Well enough that one look at her, and he would know without words what she was feeling?

But still missing the feelings that she really felt towards him?

Andy moaned! Her mind was on hyperdrive and running away with itself again.

She thought about how she felt about him being there, and felt the sadness creep in knowing it was all she ever wanted, but it only happened because of circumstances. She missed him, and cursed herself for uttering the stupid lie she had, instead of asking him to wait. That was after all where it all started.

She didn't want to set herself up for a repeat of getting her heart broken by Sam, coz that was one thing that she already never got over, having it done again, well there was no way she would ever come back from going through that again.

She was sure he would have waited for her back then, if only she had asked.

Especially considering he had told her that day that he loved her. Although she wasn't sure he didn't say it out of fear that she was about to die, before she read his letter anyway. But she knew that Sam was not someone to say something like that, just throwing them around or dropping them in conversation. If he said them, he meant them. That had been the one thing that had been holding her back, but now, knowing that she had been wrong, and that she had given up the best thing in her life, that caused a little selfloathing and some major regret to run through her.

Had he really meant what he had written? Or was that how he was feeling, still caught up in the high of finally getting the one thing he wanted then- her?

Tommy's funeral was arranged to be kept small, only a handful of people being told the details, including Sam, who received a text from Andy with the time and place.

He wasn't sure how to feel about the personal invitation when he saw how small she had decided to keep it, with mostly her friends, a few of Tommy's co-workers and his sponsor being there. Oliver and Frank were there too, having worked with Tommy, but Sam just wanted to think that he was there because she wanted him there.

Throughout the service Sam watched Andy wanting to hug her like he had the night in the hospital in the hallway and later on his couch.

Block out the pain that life was again letting sweep over something that was just so undeserving of it.

Her friends swooped down on her, keeping her closely comforted, but Sam felt the need to replace them. He kept himself at a distance, knowing that part of the reason her friends were so tightly bound around her was the fact that he was here. Once again they were trying to shield her from the possibility that he might just screw it up again. Although this time around, he actually got a smile from Peck...wait, its Collins now, and Nash, as if they saw what happened at the wedding as his way of atoning for his sins.

Over the next few days Sam thought about going over to see Andy, but kept his distance, letting her work through her grief. He took three days to go see Sarah before coming home and arranging to meet Oliver at the Penny, somewhere he hadn't been in what felt like forever.

It had been eleven days since Tommy's funeral and Sam was fighting the temptation to go see Andy even more than before. The urge to go over there and have the talk that was plauging his dreams and consuming his waking minutes, just barely seemed to be kept under his control.

Oliver arrived late, claiming a late booking as the reason as he slid into the chair beside Sam.

"So how's things?". Sam asked handing Oliver a room temperature beer.

"Good, you?". Oliver smirked knowing the answer would not be what Sam was wanting him to say.

"Fine".

"So is this a goodbye drink, coz you're leaving again?".

Sam raised an eyebrow at Oliver's question.

"Nope, why would you think that?".

"Coz Mcnally's planning on running, she put the house up for sale, so I though you...". Sam didn't wait for Oliver's words to finish before he was out the door.

Oliver's words echoing through his mind again and again on the drive over to the Mcnally house.

He could not let her leave, not this time, it was time to put up that fight now or loose her forever.

Walking across the lawn, Sam pulled the estate agents for sale sign out the grass before walking over to the door and banging on it with enough force that it surprised him it didn't fly of the hinges.

Andy pulled the door open and visibly paled at the sight of Sam holding the for sale sign in his hands, standing on the deck with his face a mix between panic and anger.

"Care to explain this?". Sam said waiving the sign in front of Andy's face before she stepped back and Sam stepped into the house, tossing the sign on the couch and slamming the door.

His eyes swayed around the room to find almost everything gone, a few boxes scattering the floor in the lounge, only heavy furniture still remained.

"Sam...I was gonna tell you, say goodbye...this time..."

"When, after you left? Were you gonna send me a postcard?". Sam's hand flew to his face as he pinched his eyes closed and ran his hand over them, letting the anger flow out of him before he screwed this up, again.

"Sam, I...". Andy couldn't find words, how was she supposed to say this?

Why was he even here?

He was there when she needed him, but right now there was no need for him to be here, nope, that was now sort of catagorized under wanting him here, but not wanting him here, coz that just complicated things and made them harder.

"Talk to me Andy, tell me why".

"Sam its not as easy as you think okay".

"Then explain it to me, coz right now I don't get it".

"I can't stay here Sam, I've got nothing left to stay for".

Andy whispered the words, her voice cracking as she looked away.

"Not even for me?". Sam was gonna get the truth out of her, no matter what it was, it was coming out, here, tonight, like this. He would give her nothing but the truth too.

"What?".

"I said...".

"I heard what you said Sam...I...just don't get it?".

"Would you stay for me? If I asked you too?".

***** Hope that made up for Tommy!

Hope you also liked Oliver's thoughts, and see a little more as to how I came up with the storyline going this way!

Hope you'll all leave another one of you're awesome reviews!

Thanks for reading!

_**Jelly Bean Jenna©**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Wow, there were so many amazing compliments in chapter 9's reviews, thanks I defiantly have the most awesome readers & reviewers! I also love the fact that you have given me the nickname 'Cliff Hanger Jenna' & 'The Cliff Hanger Queen' , thanks! **_

_**Welcome to the newbies, & thanks to all the regulars & the guests!**_

_***** Also a big thanks to whoever posted this fic under a Rookie Blue Tag on Tumblr, that was really nice of you! **_

**Thanks as always to Kelly2727! **

**Chapter 10**

**Andy stared at Sam, her composure slipping as she reran his words through her brain. **

**Tiny trembles began to take over her hands, as she felt her stomach twist in a wave of nausea due to the simple fact that he had said those words so wantonly, showing her he really **_**wanted**_** her to stay. **

**Why was this so hard? Why was hearing those words right and wrong at the same time? **

**Her breathing stopping completely before she began shaking her head, and letting her breath come out as a ragged sigh as her body functions began to return in minute fractions. **

**Whatever she thought he would say when she opened the door, **_**THAT **_**never crossed her mind. The thought of him ever putting up a fight for her was up until then, just that, a thought, that lingered in her sub-conscious up until she heard those words. **

**Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had always hoped that this day would come, but did he mean that? Did he really want her to stay? Did he even just say it out loud and bluntly, so straight to the point?**

**"Sam, I...". **

**She was taking small steps back, looking away, trying to find some way of escaping but this time drawing a blank. **

**She was backed into a corner and she knew it. **

**There was no where to run and no where to hide. **

**This time she saw the determination set on Sam's face. She knew he was about to put up the fight she had wanted him to, but should she let him? Could she let herself let him?**

**Would he even want to, if he knew...?**

**Andy's head was saying no, while her heart was screaming yes. **

**"The **_**truth**_** Andy, I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth this time, no lies, no matter what the truth is". **

**"No". Andy said the word more forcefully than how she intended it to sound, but it was the truth, she wouldn't do this all again, she couldn't. She wasn't strong enough to let history repeat itself. **

**"What? You won't stay if I ask you to stay? For me? Or you won't tell me the truth?". **

**"No Sam". Andy moved away to carry on throwing items wrapped in newspaper into an open box. **

**Having this conversation had played out in her mind a million times since she left, but actually having it was now terrifying her. **

**"Andy stop". Sam said pulling on her arm to force her to face him, spinning her around to reveal teary eyes. **

**She was blinking rapidly trying to keep them at bay, but it was a battle she was desperately loosing. **

**The thought that he put them there again, those sparkling tears, just seemed to spur on Sam's determination to get things right this time. **

**"Why not?". His voice was soft, but razor sharp as he let the words slip free. He stood watching her, taking the sight of her, this close and awake, in. **

**She had changed, her hair was a little longer than when she left, and her face had aged ever so slightly, but it was still soft, and up until now, still full of life, although her eyes were void of the Mcnally fire that once danced in them. **

**She still took his breath away. **

**Even with the glistening eyes, messy hair pulled back into an untidy ponytail, and dirty smudges across her cheek and chin, from the packing. **

**"Because Sam, I**_** can't**_** keep doing this everytime I come back here, I**_** can't **_**keep coming back here and leaving with a broken heart, I just can't do it anymore". Andy pulled her arm from his gentle grip before walking away. **

**The fact that she said **_**'leaving here with a broken heart' **_**gave Sam some hope that she would let him in. If she was leaving with a broken heart it meant that she loved with it enough to have it broken. **

**"Then **_**don't go**_**, stay. I was stupid to let you go everytime you left, especially the second time. I came looking for you but you were gone. The night I broke up with you was the **_**worst night of my life**_**, I drove for about six blocks before turning around, but when I got back to the Penny you were gone. I regretted those words the instant they left my mouth, but how could I ever take them back? Take back the hurt I saw them cause you? I would **_**sell my soul if it meant I could**_**. When I tried to apologize I couldn't get near you, but the day I saw you holding the grenade, I swear I thought the world was about to come crashing down. I meant it when I said **_**I love you**_** that day Andy, but you still walked away, I know that the task force was called up early, but that morning when you left I felt like I died inside, not because you said it was what it was, but because you said **_**goodbye**_** and I was too stupid to realize it then". **

**Andy stared at Sam as he spoke, her lip quivering between her teeth as she clamped them down on it. **

**"I know you lied to me too, Andy, I just don't get why?". **

**That caused her eyes to flash. **

**"When d-did I lie Sam?". Andy began to tremble a little more, did he really know she lied?**

**"When you said you didn't feel the same anymore. My gut knew it all along, my heart was too stupid to tell my brain to call you on it then, so I'm gonna call you on it now. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me, tell me to leave and I'll go, but this time I want the truth Andy, coz right now the truth is the only thing that will stop this". Sam let his voice raise just a little to exaggerate his meaning.**

**He also knew that the truth would make or break this, and them along with it. **

**But it was a risk he was willing to take, if it would right their world, it was his only option, the only choice that he had left. **

**Andy looked down before shifting from foot to foot. **

**"**_**You knew?**_**". She whispered without looking up. She was tired, tired of letting him believe the lie, tired of lying to herself. **

**"**_**Damnit Andy!**_** It was just a hunch at the time, but I ignored it and let you go, I only figured it out the night Tommy...I heard what you said to him about letting something you love go...it sorta all fell into place then, ...but I just don't get why did you did it?". **

**"Coz I was hurting Sam, and I already took the UC, how was I supposed to back out hours before I left?". Andy looked up at Sam in that moment and saw the pain run through his eyes as slivers of sadness followed, before she looked away, unable to watch it any longer. **

**"You want the truth?". Andy whispered to which she felt the air shift around her indicating Sam was nodding, and really close. **

**"Coz everything I love leaves me Sam, my mother, my dad...you Sam, you did it too, and what's to stop you from doing it again when you realize that this is not enough, that I'm not enough anymore?". Andy started sniffing as she walked away, leaving Sam's mouth gaping open. **

**Did she really think that? How could she even think that she would never be enough? **

**Life wasn't enough without her. **

**Nothing was. **

**"You wanted the truth Sam, and sometimes the truth hurts". **

**"Andy, seven years". **

**"What? Seven years what Sam?". **

**"You think it'll ever change? Seven years Andy, the first year when you joined fifteen, like halfway through the year, when you were forbidden because you were my rookie, the second you were with Callaghan, year three you were getting over him, year four you were mine, before I screwed up, years five, six and seven you were gone, it hasn't changed in over seven years Andy, you really have no idea do you? You really can't see how much I need you? How completely and totally in love I am with you?"**

**That was his biggest play. If that didn't break down the walls Andy had erected to keep him out, then nothing would. **

**If hearing him actually say the words 'I need you' and 'I am in love with you' after telling her how long he had felt that way didn't get her to drop her guard and let the walls crack and crumble, just long enough to let him in, nothing he could ever say or do would bring them down. **

**Sam's words caused Andy to freeze, her hands no longer aimlessly shifting stuff around. She read Sam's letter, but that went back to year four, from their time together, she didn't know it stemmed from before then. **

**"Sam...I...people change, you don't even know me anymore". Andy began fidgiting with some item she put down on the top of a sealed box for no apparent reason, her back still turned to Sam. She was trying to keep giving him an out, she was trying to give herself an out. **

**But Sam wasn't taking it, and he sure as hell wasn't about to let her take it either. **

**"Seriously? That's what you're gonna go with? Andy, you walk around the house with you're toothbrush in you're mouth. You laugh at my jokes when I haven't told it to the others yet, but you're actually laughing at me, you push the door when it clearly says PULL. You'll ask "what?" when you clearly understood and heard everything, you secretly love it when the wind messes you're hair up. You'll look in the fridge a 100 times without eating anything.**

**You sometimes have to call our own phone to find it, you check the time on you're phone without knowing the time five minutes later. You'll stand at the fridge section in the store without knowing what you're looking for, but you'll always decide on ice-cream, and you turn you're pillow around so you can go to sleep on the cold side, before you set the alarm earlier in the morning so we can stay in bed for longer. When we stay up late, you count how many hours sleep we'll get, and you actually tell me. You love blue, and hate red, especially red lipstick and red cars..."**

**"Sam, I get it". Andy huffed out, still not daring to make eye contact with him as she swept past him in a bid to flee. **

**"No you don't, you..."**

**Sam let his hand out to sweep over her arm, to stop her from walking away, but she just jerked her arm back as soon as his hand came in to contact with her skin. **

**He felt the shock of fire pull up his fingertips as his skin touched hers, and he saw the shock on her face when she felt it too. He knew she felt it, when her hand came up to rub where his hand had been as though she was trying to rub away the effect he quite obviously still had on her. **

**"Andy, you love intensely and passionately, you forgive but you don't trust completely. You understand what people say without having to hear the words because you listen to them. You have more patience and compassion in your fingers than most people possess in their lifetime. You don't expect anything from anyone, but you're more giving than what people appreciate. You do, before you're asked to do anything, and then you don't expect a favor back, you just give willingly...". **

**Sam paused to take in a shaky breath before he spoke again. **

**"I know you just felt that, and I know its why you haven't told me to leave yet. Its still there isn't it, why won't you..." **

**That stopped Andy from any physical movement besides breathing. Until she spun around, the defiant look he missed so much flashing over her face as she shook her fringe out of her eyes. **

**"Sam what do you want? Why did you even come here?". Andy's anger was flaring too as she turned to face him, her cheeks tinted with a red hue and her eyes casting a hardened stare at him. **

**She cut him off, because that was the way she used to be, she wasn't sure she was still the same person he was describing, so how could he even be sure she was? **

**But he was right when he said it was still there. **

**"Just a chance Andy, one chance to prove to you that **_**this is what I want, you, me, us**_**". Sam took a step forwards as Andy wrapped her arms around herself, a clear indication that he wasn't welcome in her personal space. **

**Her heart melted when she heard those words, they were all she ever wanted to hear, but how could she trust them? **

**More accurately, how could she trust herself enough to not screw those words up. **

**"After all this time? That's what you want? After you walked away you just want to come in here when its convenient to you, and ask for a chance to what Sam? Do it all over again?". Andy's foot began tapping the floor, Sam shifting his eyes down to it before letting them sliver back up to hers. She still had the bambi look, the one where she resembled the baby dear caught in the headlights, but Sam was not going to let her get to choosing the door and taking the out she was desperately searching for. **

**"No, its not like that okay! I made a mistake that night, I was scared, and I was scared because you love me back, I was scared because I always thought you'd be the one to walk away, so letting you go just seemed easier, when it was anything but. I always thought that you'd wake up one day and just decide that it wasn't worth it, that I wasn't worth fighting for, that this wasn't what you wanted, or that I was too old for you, or you to young for me. When we were suspended, you left, I thought you were choosing being a cop, over being with me but I was wrong then too, you were protecting me from loosing my badge. When I said I couldn't be a cop and be with you I meant it Andy, but I meant that you were worth more than the badge, and given the choice...you'd win hands down everytime. If you leave now, I will come for you, if you go I will follow you and I will not give up until I find you". **

**Sam watched as Andy's face turned to a look of total loss before it moved over to shock and horror at his last statement. **

**She gasped softly, was he really saying all these things? Was he really here baring his soul, when he had never before been able to open his mouth and let the words out? But that last statement, that he would come for her, that one scared Andy when she heard the same intensity cloud his voice that he had when he said he loved her. **

**"No! Are you crazy? Have you gone insane? That will cost you you're badge and that could also get us killed Sam, if I go, its not like I'm on vacation with pleasant carefree people, these people do bad things..."**

**"I know that, trust me. But I promise you that if you leave I will come for you". **

**Andy saw the honesty on his face, she was taken back by his sudden openness, after years of never revealing his deepest thoughts or emotions, except for once, he just let it all flow out, meaning behind ever word he said. She also saw the regret and guilt seep into him as he divulged his most hidden secrets. **

**But the spoken promise, that was just enough to make her eyes well up after she managed to push them into drying up, because right now he was telling the truth, and she believed him. **

**It chilled her to the bone, sending a wave of chills through her until she visibly shuddered at the thought of the danger that could put him in, them both in. **

**"Sam...". It came out as a sigh, wavering in defeat as she let it slip out. **

**"Just think about it Andy, that's all I'm asking? That and for you to stay". **

**Sam moved towards the door, his hands shoved into his pockets as he paused for a split second to take one last look at her. **

**This was him putting up the biggest fight of his life, the one thing he now knew she wanted him to do, but was it enough to convince her? **

**"I'll be at the Penny later, Oliver wants to meet up, so if you're free...". Sam let his words hang in the air, the open invitation there. Although Oliver might not still be waiting for him when he got back, having left without a word, but he was sure that Oliver said what he did to get the reaction out of Sam that he did. **

**Opening the door, Sam found Luke with his hand raised to knock. **

**Sam just nodded in his direction before moving down the steps and slamming his truck door before pulling away. **

**"How long were you there?". Andy asked as Luke closed the door, inviting himself in. **

**"Long enough". Luke couldn't help the smirk he felt cover his face as he looked at Andy's face flush at the idea of what he'd heard. **

**"So? Why are **_**you**_** here? I thought you were picking me up at 6am?". Andy motioned towards the kitchen signaling that he grab them each a beer. **

**"Um...I have some bad news...Andy you're**_** fired**_**". Luke mumbled as he opened the fridge and stuck his head in it. **

*****okay I did it again, but I know you all love it when I leave it dangling lol!**

**Let me know what you think in another one of those awesome reviews! Please?**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	11. Chapter 11

**I swear you guys get better & better on your reviews on each chapter, thanks they have once again totally blow me away! **

**Thanks for the compliments too guys, but that's all you, you feed my review addiction by leaving all those awesome reviews, & that makes me wanna write more, faster & better fic's just for you all! **

**Welcome to all the newbies! Nice to meet you, & thanks to Kelly2727 & all my regulars**

**Lots of Love/Hate for Andy, let's see if we can fix that... **

**Chapter 11**

**"What?". Andy shrieked out, not sure she heard Luke say those words, as she stopped dead in her tracks, red anger replacing the pale white of her face. **

**"Yup, I've decided you're fired, no more leaving, I..."**

**"Don't you dare finish that sentence! I've done everything right, everything the way it should be..."**

**Andy had her hands up to her head, pacing as as she made her arguments. **

**She was angry, really pissed off actually. She had NOT spent three years of her life, leaving everything behind, just to be fired, for no apparent wrong doing. **

**"Stop. You haven't Andy, that's the thing. With the job yes you have, but with you, you're life, Swarek, you haven't! Not even close! You've made some mistakes and so has he, but its time to let him fix it! He's suffered enough and served his time, so have you, so let him try, give him the chance he deserves". Luke couldn't help himself. He had to make up for his mistake of letting her leave to start with, the years of misery between the two being born out of his own selfish desire to get back at Swarek for being there when he so miserably failed at keeping something so valuable. **

**"What? So you're just gonna fire me?". **

**Was Luke really on Sam's side in attempting to make her stay? **

**"Andy, I shouldn't have let you join the task force from day one, not because you didn't deserve it, you did, but you deserved him more, you still do, and a chance at happiness, I'm to blame for this, so I'm gonna trade you back to fifteen in the morning. Trust me, its worth it". Luke abandoned the unopened beer bottles on the kitchen counter before making his way for the door. She had a lot to think about, a lot to think over. **

**"Luke...". **

**"Go get him, Andy". Luke said before closing the door behind him. **

**Andy grabbed one of the beers and twisted the cap off, taking a long sip. **

**A really, really long sip. **

**Was the universe against her going? Or was it just everyone in it? But why did it feel so good to be home, although it hadn't been a happy reunion, or a happy holiday. It was marred with sadness and twisted into more silent suffering. But it felt right, and felt good to hear Sam say those words again. **

**Although his timing had been so wrong the first time, the life and death situation they were thrust into the deciding factor that he used to first share them. Andy knew he meant them the day he said them, it was written on his face, but she doubted the long term truth of them because of the fact that he had said it when they were not even on speaking terms, not even friends, he chose to say them after he broke up with her. **

**Was that normal? **

**No!**

**But then again, neither were they, nothing about them or their relationship had been normal. **

**Besides, normal is boring. **

**And Luke firi...no trading her back, so she could have her shot at happiness? What was up with that? **

**Taking another long sip of her beer, Andy mused over all Sam's words, and his invitation to drinks at the Penny. **

**Slowly and cautiously, her mind drifted from the thought of drinks, to him asking her to stay, and giving him a chance. If that was what he wanted, then he was implying long term. But he knew her well enough to know that it would take her a while to let him back in, but he had waited for her before they were together. **

**This was his way of saying he would do it again, if it meant she would give him the chance, he would wait for her. **

**He had obviously heard she was leaving, and came to put up the fight she had always wanted him too, laying everything out in the open. No lies, no secrets, just the truth, whether or not she was ready for it, he let it all out there into the open. **

**It didn't seem like he was really asking all that much of her, maybe just for her to put a fight, like she had years before when she went back to the Alpine, like when she came back from North Bay, when he dropped off her stuff after telling her all she wanted was to keep being a cop and all he wanted was her, and she wouldn't let him leave, told him they had a chance to start. He wanted her reasurrance that it was still there, and that she was still feeling something. **

**Andy thought over his reaction to her her admitting she sorta lied when she said she didn't...**

**Her mind drifted back to the day she was holding the grenade, the memories playing out in faded images. **

**A gentle tug on her heartstrings, a clear indication that she would never really and truly let go of that day. **

_**"Andy, do you still love me?".**_** He had asked the question looking right at her, almost as if his eyes were looking into her soul. **

_**"Andy, that's all I want to know?"**_

**He had pleaded for an answer when she remained silent, a minute later, like their time was running out. **

_**"No Sam...I...".**_** Andy held his gaze, answering his question while looking him straight in the eye. But she never finished her sentence. She never finished what she wanted to say that day, then he had reached out for his radio and asked where ETF were before asking for someone to take her out. **

**She let him believe that she was trying to say no, that she didn't love him anymore when she had wanted to say that no, she was more in love with him because he came for her, came in there with her holding a live bomb in her hand because she needed him and even though they were in a really bad place, he was there for her when she needed him, and she didn't even have to ask him. He just was. **

**All these years, she never found the will to forgive herself for making such a simple, stupid mistake, and never tried to fix it by simply finishing that sentence. She had the need that night to know what he wanted her to promise, when she should have just told him the few words that would have changed their lives. **

**Was she really that stupid, and that dense?**

**When Sam had first said that he loved her, it scared her in the moment because it was as though he thought that she was going to die then and there, then it felt like he thought he was going to die when he let them take her out. **

**Andy let her mind graze over his reaction to her admitting her 'lie' again, only this time she remembered Sam didn't get mad, he didn't get angry, because he **_**knew**_** she didn't lie. **

**He **_**knew**_** she just clammed up when she heard those words because she had never expected to hear them, not to mention his bad timing, it just being all wrong. **

**When he asked her why she 'lied', it was his way of letting her know that she didn't, that he figured it out when he heard what she said to Tommy, that there was nothing for him to forgive her for, despite the fact that he may have believed that she had lied then, because he was scared too.**

**Scared because she loves him back. He said 'because you love me back' not phrased in the passed tense as you **_**loved me back**_**, he said**_** love**_** as in present tense. **

**She didn't lie. And Sam knows she still loves him. **

**The thought caused her to smile, she could finally let go of her need to find forgivness in herself, because she didn't lie, and Sam didn't need to forgive her because he knew, he just wanted the reassurance that what he thought he knew was the truth. **

**Andy sighed as she took another sip of her beer, everything just sounded so easy in her head, but how exactly was she supposed to convince him that even though Luke was trading her back, she wanted to stay. **

**She wanted to be here, and regretted the choices she made everytime she left. A million thoughts ran through her mind as her heart suddenly felt whole, but her stomach twisted into knots at her dilemma. **

**She had let go of her self inflicted, stupid fear, her need to run evaporated the minute she actually saw Sam, she didn't wanna leave, but circumstances played their part in finally keeping her grounded and here, so things could be fixed, she could be fixed and she could fix Sam. **

**Maybe it was the right time now. To do this, try them? She just needed to convince Sam of that, especially when he heard she was fired, coz his first thought would be- she's staying coz she doesn't have a choice. **

**Maybe drinks would be a good place to start...?**

**Leaving her beer unfinished on the counter, she headed for the shower. **

**An hour later Andy found herself staring at the outside of the Penny's door. She had been staring at it for the last ten minutes as though it was about to violently attack her. People swept in and out, seemingly unaffected by her lost, lingering presence outside the door as they arrived or left. **

**The door opened, loud giggles wafting out to Andy's ears as a familiar face stepped out and stopped in front of her. **

**"Hey, why are you staring at the door?". Traci said as Andy looked up nervously. **

**"Oh Andy, what are we gonna do with you?". Traci said as she pulled Andy into a hug at seeing her eyes mist up. **

**"No, its not, I got fired so I'm not leaving and Sam came over and had a lot to say, I'm still trying to process it..."**

**"You're staying?". Traci only seemed to hear the most important words as they filed out in a rush. **

**"Yeah, I think so". Andy stepped back and met Traci's huge smile with her own. **

**"So? Gonna go in there and fix it? He's had a few and keeps looking at the door, so I was wondering when you were gonna show, just didn't wanna jinx it". **

**"Really?"**

**"Yup, he's trying to fix it, give him the chance okay? He is so miserable without you, I haven't seen those Swarek dimples since you left, so go get me some eye candy". Traci gave Andy a squeeze before letting her go, not missing the exaggerated eye roll that floated out with a giggle. **

**"Okay, I can do this". Andy said before pulling on her jacket to straighten herself out as though she needed it before making her way inside. **

**Sam didn't see the door open, or notice her presence until she spoke softly from behind him as he eyed the tequila shot clutched in his hand. **

**"If I ever go missing, put my picture on a tequila bottle, not a milk carton? I want the fun people to find me". **

**Sam nearly dropped the shot glass as he heard her attempts to break the ice before sliding onto the bar stool next to him. **

**"If you ever go missing I will find you". Sam uttered before he realized that he turned her joke into a mushy promise. A very intense one. **

**To which Andy said a soft "I know" before signaling to Liam for two more beers. **

**"Hey". Sam said looking over at her, like some lovesick teenager. **

**He was lovesick, but way, way older, she just caused all rationality to escape him, so whenever she was in the same room, the lovesick sorta displayed itself. **

**"Hey". Andy giggled, turning to face him, her beer bottle clutched tightly in her fingers. **

**"So, where's Oliver?". **

**"He left just before you came in". Sam was keeping himself contained at the possible meanings of her presence here. **

**"Oh, okay". **

**The conversation was stiff, the mood somber and the air around them crackling with the chemistry they still had, just not in a tense or awkward way. It was just not right, not quite where it should be. **

**Well aware of all eyes on them neither was willing to just let go or get lost in the moment. **

**"So, you kinda got me fired". Andy whispered looking down at her bottle, having waited for Sam to finish swallowing his sip before he sprayed it everywhere, including all over her. **

**She had thought of a hundred different ways to say this, but decided on the 'let's blurt it out in honesty at the spur of the moment' approach. **

**So there it came. **

**She looked away just for a split second, before letting her eyes drift back to Sam to see him incredibly aggitated, with his jaw clenching. **

**"What? How... I didn't do anything I swear". Sam had his hands raised up pleading his innocence. **

**"No, actually you did". Andy was trying to keep the smile off her face, and a sharp edge to her voice. **

**"That son of a bitch, I'm gonna kill him the next time I see him". Sam slammed his bottle down on the bar counter loud enough to draw back any eyes that wandered away from them. **

**"Nope, you're gonna,...". **

**"No Andy, you've worked yourself practically to burned out and he fires you? You're a good cop, why the hell would he fire you?". Sam stared at Andy with a heated look as his tongue felt the inside of his cheek, frustration seeping from him. **

**"Because I really wanna stay, and so that the choice of staying or the job was made a little easier, so that I can stay, he's trading me back tomorrow". Andy let the mega smile that wanted to break free finally sweep over her face as the spark flickered into her eyes. **

**"You're staying?". Sam let his dimples flare, much to Andy's amusement remembering Traci's comment from on her way in. **

**"Yup". Andy nodded affirming her soft hint at her lack of will to leave now anymore anyway. **

**"Let's go". Sam said suddenly sliding off his chair, throwing some notes on the bar before grabbing Andy's hand and pulling her out the door despite her protests. The only words he had rolling around in his mind were the ones she said that were 'I wanna stay'. Anything other than that was collateral damage to deaf eardrums. **

**"Just take a walk with me, please?". Sam stopped when her hand slipped out of his, her feet planting her in the middle of the Penny's parking lot. **

**Andy walked over to Sam and the two fell in step as they made their way to the end of the block, each hanging onto their own hands. **

**Sam crossed the street, walking over the plush green grass of the park and disappeared into the lingering shadows of the badly lit open space. **

**"Sam?". Andy tried not to sound jumpy, but dark places just didn't work for her since she spent too much time UC blending into them. Hiding in them. **

**"What, don't you trust me?". Sam's voice in her ear caused her to jump, his presence so close to her, it almost went slipping away under the memories of her time away. **

**"Ass". Andy said as she swatted his arm before he began walking away backwards, hands stretched out in innocence. **

**Walking further into the park, Andy noticed they were approaching a tree, most of its leaves gone from its branches, the remaining ones shades of yellow brown red and gold. **

**Sam stopped in front of the tree as Andy took a step closer to see it filled with carvings, different sizes and words flowing in different directions, until her eyes found what Sam wanted them to see. Listed in rows, carved in the bark were a series of dates, where others had written words, Sam had carved dates. Andy remembered the date of the day she took him down, as she ran her fingers over the indented digits.**

**There was the day she was cut loose, the blackout, the date of the Alpine, the dates their suspensions started and ended, her birthday for every year over six years. The date she told Sam she loved him, the day she held the grenade,The dates she left and came back and left again wrapped around the broad trunk of the tree, Jerry's birthday and the date he died were etched slightly above hers, bearing an importance of their own. Andy walked around the broad tree, her fingertips gliding over the rough bark as her eyes took each date in. Her dad's birthday and the day he died once again filled an area just off centre of hers. There was even today's date, etched in the wood, a long area of open bark filling around it. So many dates over seven years filled the trees bark, forever carved into its splintering wood. **

**"Sam?". Andy meant it to come out strong and determined but it came out broken and faltered in a voice that wasn't hers. **

**"It started out as an 'adopt a tree' project, the department thought it'd be a good way to raise money, to fix up the park, so I bought this one". **

**Sam watched as Andy kept running her eyes and fingertips over the bark, until they froze when he said the how it came to be, but not really answering her question of why and what. **

**"I told you seven years...". Sam said as he saw Andy's eyes widen as she found the 'Sammy loves Andy' carved on the other side of the tree as she rounded it. The date under that was...during the six weeks between them breaking up and her holding the grenade. **

**"But its wrong". Andy said as she looked towards Sam for the first time since she saw the tree. **

**"Why?". Sam took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets as he felt his defense mechanism flare. His shoulders stiffened just a little, as if he was ready to put up another fight for her to see how right this was. **

**"It should say 'Andy loves Sam' right here". Andy said pointing to a bare unmarked area of the tree trunk. **

**"You mean that?". Sam couldn't help the question as her words freed themselves. Even though the dimples were on display, his smile just didn't seem to ignite the spark in his eyes. **

**"Yeah, seven years Sam, it doesn't just go away". Andy pulled her hand from the bark as she shifted around nervously. She felt like she was twelve. **

**"So why'd you do it?". Andy stepped over to Sam, as he kept looking around, the only sign of him being nervous was his eyes holding the slightest tint of it. **

**"Coz life without you isn't an option. This way you would always be here, no matter what. Like I said, I just couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I couldn't come after you then, you were UC, but I wanted to. I wanted to put up the fight then, I just didn't know how, or if you would be willing to let me, so I did this instead". **

**Andy was brutally shocked by Sam's declaration. Whatever she expected him to say, it was not that. **

**"The day...when I was holding the grenade, I didn't lie. I tried to say that I didn't feel the same way anymore, not that I didn't love you anymore, I let you think that coz I was assigned to leave and scared of what you were saying and coz in that moment I though I was gonna die, then I thought you were gonna die. And you came in there, no concern for you're own life, and you told me you loved me before taking the grenade and letting me leave, after I said that to you. That was the worst feeling ever Sam, knowing I let you believe that I didn't love you anymore, when in that moment I fell even more in love with you, if that's even possible. I just didn't know how to say it, or if I should say it. I was so scared, scared that if I let you in, you would break the little piece of me that was left. I wasn't scared coz you were there, but when I went out and left you in there, holding that bomb, I died ten times over, coz I was scared of losing you. Having you there, in my life wasn't enough, but it was something, even though you weren't mine to loose then...". **

**"Andy, I've always been yours. Even before you knew it, I was, even when you were gone, I tried to move on, but I couldn't, I didn't want to, its always been you, even now". Sam's reference to Angela made Andy wrap her arm around the tree, and lean into it as the memory fluttered through her mind as she pinched her eyes closed. **

**"Do not even go there, that was not even worth counting. I tried dating once, with her and my heart just wasn't in it, coz it ran away with some rookie". Sam said leaning into the tree on the other side, looking around the corner right at Andy when she opened her eyes to see where he was moving to. **

**Andy smiled at his words, they seemed to come so easily now, where before they had never come. **

**"I didn't touch her, below the face anyway, it just didn't feel right". Seeing Andy's thought cross her mind, his words were meant to reassure her. **

**"Sam I didn't..."**

**" I wanted you to know that". Sam said still eyeing her from behind the broad tree trunk, as she let his words roll around in her mind. **

**"Hey Sam, if you can catch me, I might let you keep me, tag you're it". Andy brushed her free hand over Sam's arm before she pushed off the tree springing away, towards the swings before coming to an abrupt stop, Sam slowing down as he saw her stop. He was wondering how she expected him to catch her when they both knew she would be gone before he blinked an eye, not just from the sudden dash she made but the fact that she was fast, and that she would outrun him if she tried. As juvenile and childish as her sudden antics had been, Sam's gut was screaming at him that there was some kind of bigger significance, a higher meaning buried somewhere in them. **

**Seeing her stop and spin around caused momentary concern to fill him as he jogged over to her before calling out to her, making no attempt to hide the concern dripping in his voice. **

**"Andy?". **

**"I'm done running, I want you to catch me this time Sam. The first time I left coz I wanted you to follow me, put up a fight, but you didn't, coz you couldn't. I get it, but when I came back and I thought you moved on, I gave up the fight I should have put up for you, and I'm sorry Sam, I never should have left". Andy said as she looked around the empty park shrouded in darkness, the only lights were lining the street a distance away, and the moon as it let its beams dance over her hair and cast shadows over her face, while her fingers hooked themselves into the back pockets of her jeans. **

**"Only if I get to keep you Mcnally". Sam said holding out his hand as he reached her. **

**Andy let her hand move forward, letting him twine their fingers together as he wrapped his over hers. The rough skin of his scar glistened as the silver light of the moon causing Andy to take in a sharp breath as her eyes saw it flicker. **

**"It wasn't you, my temper got the better of me". Sam said as he moved it away from her line of sight. **

**"Besides its like you branded me". A deep chuckle followed his words. **

**"What?". **

**Sam moved his hand back to reveal a scar across the top of his hand that looked like a kids crayon drawing of an A. **

**Andy ran her fingers over the broad lines of the scar before she felt Sam pull her closer. **

**"So, do I get to keep you?". Sam had the goofiest grin on his face as he waited for her answer. **

**Andy just nodded, before hiding behind a curtain of hair. **

**"Promise?". Sam was leaning down to capture her gaze as she avoided looking at him, nervousness making her flustered. **

**"Yeah". Andy whispered finally looking up. **

**"I know we have a long way to go, but we're gonna get there Mcnally. I'm not letting you go this time" Sam said pulling her a tad step forwards. **

**"I know". Andy sighed as she rested her head in the crook of his neck, her favorite place to snuggle in to. **

**"So...um, where do we go from here?". She whispered, before biting her lip. **

**"How about I take you home so you can get some sleep? We'll talk in the morning". Sam said as he let her go, before tugging her hand towards the Penny. **

**"Sam! That wasn't what I meant". Andy said pulling her hand free of his when she stopped. **

**"I know, but you're gonna think about it, and tomorrow we'll talk and you can tell me where you wanna go, coz we're gonna do this your way, however you wanna do it, at you're pace". Sam felt out of place, he was rambling like Andy usually did. He shifted around nervously as she came walking towards him mumbling a soft 'okay', wearing a huge smile. **

**"So ready to go?". Sam said holding out his hand again. **

**"Yeah, um, about that...I kinda think you'll have to take me home, coz seeing as I was leaving I kinda donated the beds to the orphanage this morning, and I am Not sleeping on that couch, so...". **

**"We are not going there Mcnally". Sam sighed as he let his hand slip free of her grasp as she kept on walking, the evil twinkle in her eye visible from the moon. **

***** so they're finally getting somewhere!

Let me know what you think, hopefully some of you have kinda forgiven Andy a bit lol!

***thanks for reading, have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks as always to all you awesome readers & for those of you that review- thanks for making my day!**

**Welcome to all the new reviewers & followers & thanks to all my regulars & Kelly24727! **

**Without saying anything else, here's more, hope you'll enjoy & review when you're done (",)!**

**Chapter 12**

**"Sam, you're such a perv! I meant **_**you**_** can sleep on the couch". Andy said holding out her hands as she faced him walking backwards, a giggle filling the silence that emanated through the dark park. **

**Sam could have sworn that in that moment, he was blushing. Not that he would ever admit to it. **

**They stopped by Tommy's and Andy grabbed some clothes before they returned to Sam's dark house.**

**Sam had been watching Andy since they left the park with the most amazed look on his face. It was as though he was in total and utter disbelief that she was there, or that she was willing to give him a chance to right their world. **

**He had a permanent smile on his face, his eyes seemed to glow with the spark Andy had seen absent since Jerry had died. **

**That thought alone, put the spark back in Andy's own eyes. **

**Andy moved to change in the bathroom, a slip of black catching her attention in the mirror as she pulled off her shirt. **

**She would probably have to show him sometime, maybe one day. **

**When the time was right. **

**When she came out the smell of freshly brewed coffee assaulted her senses, Sam had remembered that she couldn't sleep without her nightly bedtime coffee that most people avoided coz they actually wanted to sleep when the went to bed. **

**Andy found Sam sitting on the couch, a look of conflict playing over his features. **

**"I can always go to Traci's or find a motel Sam". Andy said when she noticed he became aware of her presence in the room. **

**"No. Why would you say that?". **

**That question was accompanied with the dimming of that spark in his eyes, and a droop in his smile. **

**Sam motioned for her to sit next to him, her coffee waiting for her on the table in front of him. **

**"You look...like you're, I dunno, unsure, uncomfortable with me here". Andy shifted to move forwards and grab her coffee, as Sam swept over as her lips puckered to take a sip he swept it out her hand, causing her to sag her head as though he was whipping away the last sip of coffee she would ever get. **

**"Andy, look at me". Sam tilted her head up and sideways to face him, a frown on her face. **

**"Why would you even think that?"**

**"Your face Sam, you look like you're second guessing yourself, like you don't want...". **

**"Do not go there Mcnally! I am not second guessing myself, or you being here! I've never been more relieved to have you here than I am right now, I've missed having you here, but knowing you're here is enough to get me some sleep. Just having you under the same roof is enough for now, so don't overthink it". Sam was flashing his dimples, and Andy felt the blush creep up her cheeks as he spoke. Even after all these years, he still knew her pretty well. **

**Until his smile fell, and his face turned serious. **

**"Andy, if you're having second thoughts...". **

**Sam didn't want to even think that as a logical thought, never mind say it, but he did, he knew he had to. **

**"No! No, I wanna be here". Andy said shaking her head so he would understand that she meant it. **

**"Can I...um, show you something?". Andy asked, her face moving to a worried look as she fingered a strand of her loose hair. **

**Sam nodded, not quite sure what she wanted to show him, as he watched her face change to be graced with a look of determination, mingled with the slightest hint of worry. **

**Andy stood up and waited for Sam to do the same, shifting around between her sock clad feet, as though she was contemplating changing her mind. **

**She whirled around and pulled her hair around to the side of her neck, pulling the top of her shirt down just a fraction, showing Sam her back as she waited with her head hanging slightly down and to the side as nervousness cursed through her. **

**Sam just stared at her neck, not seeing anything, he stepped a little closer before seeing the sliver of black that lay nested against her pale skin peeking out from where she pulled her shirt away. **

**Sam took hold of her shirt, pulling it away before he saw her hand flutter down leaving the material clad in his fingertips. **

**What met his eyes was never something he expected Andy to ever do. Never in a million years. **

**She had gotten herself a little black ink done up her back that ran down as far as he could see, so maybe it wasn't so little. **

**Letting go of the material, Sam let his hand slip to the bottom before pulling her shirt up and bending down to get a better look. **

**Wow. **

**That was the only thought that ran through his mind as he caught full sight of her tattoo. **

**It ran from just under her shirt line to just under her shoulder blades, it first appeared to be a rose but on closer inspection Sam saw it was more like vines that ran the length of the tattoo, crossing over eachother as they swept around her vertebrae. There were what appeared to be thorns delicately etched along the vines, alternating in color between a bright blue and a soft purple. Two black roses clung to the vines, one at the top, the other at the bottom, each baring a number delicately inscribed in them in the same vibrant blue. **

**Sam leaned in to see that the numbers were familiar, his badge number filling the top rose, hers the bottom. **

**Whoever did the tattoo on her was skilled, making something so simple turn into a work of art, as it was left to stain her skin. **

**Tracing a finger over the vines, Sam was in awe that she had actually done it, but what he really wanted to know was when she had it done, how long it adorned her skin. **

**"When...when did you get it?". **

**Trying to find his voice, was a little harder than he first anticipated, but it came out eventually. **

**"I saw you once you know, when I was under, you know when I left the last time". Andy was avoiding answering the question directly as she felt Sam's fingertip ghost over where she knew the ink was. **

**"Andy, that doesn't answer my question". Sam left his fingers resting on her skin as she stepped out of his personal space, shrugging the material free of his hand so it would slip back down to cover her. **

**"After I saw you". Andy flicked her hair back over her back as she still stood facing away from Sam. **

**"Andy!". **

**" 'Bout a year after I left. I was up here, picking up a delivery with my 'boss' when you pulled the car in front of us over. We were on our way back out, and you were on traffic duty, looked like a search and seize op for Guns and Gangs, you weren't in uniform, and for a split second you looked towards us, but I don't think it registered that I was in the car. I went home and my mood was bad, like seeing you left me in a really bad place, so my boss offered me a 'freebie' to fix me up, but the other girl that worked with me, Anna, she kinda threw a fit coz the boss never offered her a 'freebie' so he didn't force me, but she was helping me out. She later told me that she knew I was a cop, and what I was doing but she wouldn't burn me, we were waitressing in this dump. She asked why I was so rattled, so I sort of told her, about you, leaving out the fact that you were a cop, and she took me to this place and told me to pick one, said I'd always have you with me then, so the guy designed this and I got it done. To them it was just random numbers. I gave her all the cash I could get my hands on a week later and told her to leave. She was just trying to earn a living to feed her kid, and she was right, you were always with me after that. She joked about it, saying you were my rose, coz every rose has its thorns". **

**Andy smiled at the memories of Anna and getting the tattoo done. **

**Sam sifted through the memories, until he found the one she was referring to. He was on a search and seize that day, they were looking for a delivery that was picked up and headed back to be resold. **

**They were looking for a guy and two woman, and they had received a tip that the package was picked up and on the road out of town, hence the search and seize. **

**It kinda felt really weird to know now that he was actually looking for her, well her UC persona anyway. **

**"I um, did see you that day". **

**Sam's words snapped Andy around to face him. **

**"What?". **

**"You were in the silver mercedes, but every woman I looked at after you left sorta warped into you at some point so I just put it down to another illusion". **

**"Its nice though". Sam said waving his hand around in the air, "the tattoo. It suites you". **

**Andy smiled at his approving words. **

**"Okay, so get some sleep, we'll talk more in the morning". Sam said holding out a hand before walking her down the hallway and stopping outside his bedroom door. **

**Andy felt like a sixteen year old outside her front door after her first date, she also found herself hoping she would get a goodnight kiss. The thought caused another wave of pink to tint her cheeks as Sam stepped forwards to give her a kiss on the temple before she let go of his hand and stepped into his bedroom. **

**"Night Andy, sweet dreams". Sam whispered as she moved away, her hand pushing the door closed slightly between them as she whispered a 'night Sam' before closing the door practically in Sam's face. **

**What the hell is wrong with me? She thought as she rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. Again. **

**He was right there, she could have just leaned in a little, and she would have had her goodnight kiss. **

**Sam stared at the door, wondering when he lost the nerve to just lean in and kiss her. She was right there, lingering like she was expecting a goodnight kiss, or waiting for one. **

**Or wanted one. **

**Sam huffed at his own idiocy. **

**He did it again. **

**Let her get away, this time without a goodnight kiss. **

**Sam leaned forwards and let his hand rest on the doorframe, his head hanging low as he fought the urge to knock or just barge in and claim a kiss. **

**Andy's hand still lingered on the door handle as she stood staring at the painted wood, the seconds that were ticking by seeming to freeze. **

**Yanking the door open, she jumped a little to find Sam right there, where she left him, holding the doorframe up, his head hanging. His head whipped up as soon as the door's motion caught his attention. There with wide eyes stood Andy with a really amused look on her face. **

**"This is not working is it?". She whispered her toes curling up as she let them slide around in her socks. **

**"Nope". Sam said pushing off the doorframe, his dimples threatening to come out in full force as he let his tongue run over the inside of his cheek. **

**"Yeah, I didn't think so". Came out on a giggle as Andy looked at the floor to hide her very visible red tinted cheeks. **

**Andy held out her hand, Sam's eyes darting between her hand and her face, trying to gouge a reaction from her, she shook it lightly like she was becoming impatient standing there waiting for him to take her hand. **

**"Andy...". **

**"Just to sleep Sam. I have had one nights decent sleep in nearly four years, the night we slept on the couch, and I'm really tired, I could seriously do with another but...". **

**"Really?". **

**"No Sam, I'm making it up". Andy huffed out, disappointment taking control of her face before she turned and walked away, climbing onto Sam's bed, pulling the covers up over her and rolling to face the other way. **

**Seconds later she felt him lift the covers and slide in behind her, laying miles away. **

**"Yeah me too". Sam mumbled. **

**"You what Sam?". **

**"Haven't had a good nights sleep in like four years". **

**Andy rolled over, panic on her face as she lifted her head to look at him, her eyebrows frowning as she thought over the right wording. **

**"Yeah the night we slept on the couch, you slept and I spent the whole time watching you sleep". Sam let the words come out with dimples on show as he tucked both hands in behind his head and continued to stare at the ceiling in the dark. **

**"Why?". Andy scooted a little closer to Sam, he wasn't even sure that she knew she was doing it, but he didn't mind. So he pulled his arm out under his head and held it up, a silent invitation for her to tuck herself in under, his shoulder her usual pillow before. **

**Andy didn't hesitate to move closer after that, she lay down, her head resuming its old sleeping position in the crook of his neck, his shoulder her pillow. **

**"I missed you, having you there like that, it just kinda took my breath away. I spent the hours you slept watching you, remembering how stupid I was to let you go, thinking that if it was the last time I got to have you so close I sure as hell wasn't gonna waste it by sleeping". **

**Sam felt Andy's lips curve up into a smile against the skin of his neck. **

**"That is like the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, but seriously, who watches someone sleep? Its just like creepy". **

**"You've done it". **

**"No-way! How would you know that?". Andy lifted her head to see him when he answered. **

**"You were awake?". **

**Sam nodded, he woke up often to her watching him sleep. **

**Andy flopped back down on his arm, a sigh escaping her lips as she did so. **

**"Sam, why did you leave me, at the Penny that night?". **

**"Remember what I said the day you were holding the grenade? I meant every single word, I kinda got scared with what I was feeling, I have never had such an intense feeling revolving around one person. I seriously thought that after a while it would, I dunno... lighten up, but everyday it got more and more intense. Then when Jerry died, watching him like that, watching you and Nash, I got scared that one day it would be me going through what Nash was and I couldn't face that. The thought of it was enough to scare me into pushing you away, coz I was selfishly scared for my own heart being broken one day". **

**Andy stiffened as Sam spoke, but he wrapped his arm around her a little tighter, pulling her closer. **

**"I know I ended up breaking your heart instead, and I have never been more ashamed of my own behavior, but it was like my defense mechanism kicked in and self preservation took over". **

**Sam took a deep breath before continuing, "Sarah and I spent most of our lives in foster care, my dad went to jail when I was about four, and her mom, well she was so against being stuck with another man's son, she started drinking to forget, she would pretend I was a figment of her imagination or something. Sarah went to a teacher at school and told her what our home life was like, she in turn told the authorities and we were removed. Sarah tried so hard to keep us together but it didn't always work, so she started running away everytime they split us up, that's how she ended up on the street when she was attacked. After that, the system tried to keep us together, but it wasn't always possible". **

**Andy fought the urge to cry over the images of a broken child that ran through her mind at his words. **

**"Sam what do you mean another mans child?". Andy said lifting her head again. **

**"My dad married Sarah's mother. My mom ran off and left me with him when I was a couple months old, and never came back. Sarah IS my sister, always has been, always will be, only thing is we're not even related". **

**Sam's revelation stunned Andy speechless, she just stared at him her face blank. **

**Their years apart seemed to have healed most of their pasts, them letting some of their own baggage fall away on their journey. **

**Sam had his tongue loosened, he seemed more able to talk, open up and let it all out there, Andy, felt like she had grown up. Having left some of what held her back behind her somewhere along the lines. **

**"I didn't...I didn't know that". Andy murmured before settling back down. **

**"Only Oliver and Jerry knew the whole story, and now you". Sam gave her a light squeeze. **

**"That day, when I said I love you, I really meant it, its never changed, its just always been there. I'm sorry I pushed you away, but I promise I'm never gonna be that stupid again, I'm never gonna let you go, I really am gonna keep you this time". **

**Sam turned to face Andy as he spoke this time, he wanted her to understand, to know he was telling the truth. **

**"Sam...I was stupid too, I let my baggage run my life, and then I ran when I got scared too. I was hurting and once I started running I just couldn't stop, I didn't know how to fix it, take back what I said. I never want to do that again ever, so this time I promise I won't, no more running, no more overthinking it, no more not talking". **

**"Good to know, coz I don't wanna see you get your heart broken again". Sam whispered as he let his lips brush a kiss over her temple, half into her hairline. **

**"Now we need to get some sleep Mcnally, we have a lot to do in the morning". **

**"We?". And said slightly confused as Sam lay back down. **

**"Yup, we need to sort out your transfer back, sort out the rest of Tommy's stuff, I saw boxes marked St Marks, I assume that's the orphanage on Grove?". Andy nodded as he carried on. **

**"Then we need to do one of two things, either we go get you a new bed, or we move your stuff here?". Sam closed his eyes, avoiding seeing her freak out. **

**Sam mentally slapped himself with his choice of words, while he waited for Andy to totally loose it. **

**He said 'move your stuff in' not you, your stuff. **

**'Smooth Sammy' he silently cursed himself, while waiting for the wrath of Mcnally to billow out of her as he felt her stiffen. **

******okay, so kinds short, but posted, so hope you'll review anyway! Needed it to flow that way & also to line up how serious Sam is about keeping hold of Andy this time round. **

**Have an awesome day, wherever you are!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna© **


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews on 12! They really make my day, so wickedlovely19 for having her day made better, thanks, & bebesmom Luke firing Andy making her day thanks, & to all of you awesome people for making mine, extra big thanks! **

**Welcome to the newbies & first time reviewers, & thanks to all my awesome regulars & Kelly2727! **

**And to the guests, thanks too! Although I have no idea who you are! **

**A/N; to the reviewer that asked if I was 'trying to make Sam look like a masochistic saint and Andy look immature, weak, and psycho', nope, I wasn't really- the idea of this fic, is Sam & Andy are both flawed, but their flaws make them perfect for eachother, and they are human like us, they make mistakes & screw up, just like we all do, but they try to fix it, and find forgiveness, for themselves & eachother. Life is messy & complicated, & my point is that they are making it that way for themselves, so in order to fix it they need to let it go & move on. Sam is a little egotistical, and Andy is a little insane, in this fic, but they sorta fix it along the way, coz they both learn their lesson from the mistakes they made, which is more than I can say about real people I know, coz its human nature to just not learn! **

**Anyway enough with that, time for some more awesome reading- so hope you enjoy & review! **

This chapter is dedicated to all my regular readers & reviewers, thanks for sticking with me in my crazy FF world, you guys are awesome!

Chapter 13

Sam had been wanting to say those words since she told him she was staying.

Staying just wasn't good enough though, he wanted her, here.

He had said that they would take things at her pace, but that just wasn't moving fast enough after all the time they had wasted.

So he pulled a Mcnally and blurted it out, just trying to lessen the tension by allowing his brain to misjudge his words and use 'you're stuff' rather than 'you', but hey, she had to come with her stuff right?

Sam felt Andy tense under his arm as he heard her breath hitch and get stuck as she inhaled deeply shocked by what he said.

Silence ensued, as they both lay frozen.

"Andy?". Sam couldn't wait for an answer, he had always been patient when it came to her, but he was done being a patient man.

"I...can I sleep on it?".

Sam sighed in relief, she hadn't said no, so the possibility that it would be a yes was there, he just had to make her say yes, show her that he wanted this, her here, that she wanted to say yes.

"Yeah sure". Sam said rolling over to face her, her head lifting so that she could rest it on his arm.

"On one condition". He added with a smirk. Since he was going a hundred miles a minute, why crash and burn now?

"What condition?". Andy saw the wicked look cross his face as his smirk turned into a fully fledged grin.

"I get a goodnight kiss, and you get to sleep on it".

Andy let out a fit of giggles at him actually voicing the urge he had to kiss her right now.

He really had changed in the form of opening up.

"Deal". Andy let out slightly breathlessly as she held out her hand, for him to shake. But Sam just shook his head, before saying "I think I'll seal this deal with an actual kiss" as he leaned in.

Andy woke up just as she remembered going to sleep. She was still curled up, her back nestled into Sam, his arm holding her tightly, his fingers twining around hers.

How she had ever slept without this she would never know, but it felt awesome to wake up like this.

She was still indecisive about what Sam had said last night, but it just felt really good to wake up like this.

"Hey". She said turning over to find Sam watching her sleep.

"Sleep well?". Sam asked pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Yup, better than in forever".

"I'm gonna get us some coffee on, grab a shower and then we'll go see Frank and Callaghan about your transfer, and then go drop the stuff at St Marks". Sam slipped out the room before he asked if she'd decided. He wouldn't ask, she'd tell him her answer when she was ready. Although he wanted to know right now.

Three hours later, after grabbing showers, coffee, breakfast and signing her transfer papers with a smile, Andy showed Sam which boxes to load for the orphanage.

Twenty minutes later, they came to a stop outside the old run down building, and climbed out the truck just in time to see a blonde little boy around five make a dash out the front door towards the busy street.

Dropping the box he picked up off the back of his truck, Sam made a dash to wrap his arms around the crying child and sweep him up before he managed to run into the traffic.

"Whoa there buddy, where's the fire?". Sam said turning the kid around in his arms to face him.

A lady well over fifty and another child ran out just as Andy rounded the back of the truck to see Sam whispering soothing words into the child's ears that calmed his crying down instantaneously.

"Oh thank god". The woman huffed out as she reached Sam to see the child safely wrapped in a hug.

"Johnathan, you scared me, don't ever do that again okay". The little girl said as she walked over to Sam and held her arms open, the little boy shifting around to climb from Sam's arms to hers.

The girl looked close to ten, maybe twelve, but her voice sounded going on thirty.

"Thank you Mister". She said to Sam as she took Johnathan before walking back inside.

Andy watched as sorrow crossed Sam's face at seeing the two children. Her heart broke for them, and Sam knowing he was plagued by memories of his childhood bought on by what had just taken place.

"Sorry about that, he got a little upset and tried to run for it". The older woman said as she regained her breath.

"Its okay, um, I'm Andy, I've brought all the stuff over, so where can we put it?". Andy motioned absently to the boxes, watching Sam as he took a deep breath before picking up the box he dropped.

"This way, I need you to sign a contribution form, if that's okay?". The lady said motioning towards the entrance of the shabby building.

"Mcnally I...um I got this, you go ahead". Sam said, needing a minute to collect himself.

"Okay". Andy said before walking away.

"I'm Janice, we spoke on the phone, I'm so sorry about your dad". The woman said as they stepped away, Andy catching sight of Sam putting the box down on the lawn again.

"Thank you. Most of its his stuff, I hope you can use it. I've got the movers bringing the rest of the heavy stuff later, hope that's okay?".

"Wow dearie, thank you so much". Janice smiled with tears in her eyes at Andy's gifts.

"So um, I hate to pry, but why did he run out like that? I mean he's what five?".

"Yes, turned five last week. Its difficult to place kids their age together, most people want a baby or just one, we found a home for Natalia, but they can only take her, so he will have to stay here until his time comes".

"That is just so sad! What happened to their parents?".

"They died about two years ago, car accident, on their way to work, luckily the kids were at school by then". Janice just shook her head as she pulled forms out of her desk drawer.

"They've been here for two years?". Andy couldn't even comprehend that idea.

"Yeah, its sad really, they're such beautiful, loving children".

"So why can't the family take both?". Andy sighed as she heard little running footsteps in the halls.

"The people that are taking Natalia, they're good people, their only son died a few years ago, he was nine, got run over outside his school. Mr Muller doesn't earn a great living, but they manage, Mrs Muller has multiple Sclerosis, so she can't work, they can really only afford to take one. They have a small apartment on the east side of town, and I know they would take Johnathan too, but they can't afford to, and don't have the space". Janice sighed out the words, sadness brimming over that the kids would be split.

After signing the forms, Andy made her way out to find Sam still on the lawn, this time with Johnathan, his tiny frame peeking over the top of the box to see its hidden contents.

Andy smiled as she watched Sam reach into the box, and Johnathan eagerly shake his head, before Sam pulled out a leaf's cap and put it on the boys head before he took off running past her excitedly.

Sam stood up and shrugged as he noticed Andy watching him, a content smile now in place of the conflicted look he had earlier.

Walking over to Sam, Andy's mind was running wild with ideas, she wasn't overthinking, her mind was just working to fix everything.

"How'd you know that was in there?". Andy asked as she came to a stop.

"I didn't, he wanted to look inside, so I told him we'd see the surprise together and we just got lucky".

"Smooth Swarek". Andy said as Sam closed the last box before picking it up and moving towards the house.

Andy watched Sam walk away, before her mouth took over.

"Sam wait". Sam stopped and turned to face Andy, who had a bewildered look on her face. He could tell that her mind had been working overtime, she had that look on her face.

The look of...well Andy, when she had the most insane idea cross her mind.

"Did you mean what you said last night?... About the bed and moving thing, coz I really just need to know that you meant it..."

Andy was rambling as she shifted around nervously, Sam slightly taken back by her sudden urge to do this here and now.

"Slow down Mcnally, we've got all day". Sam said walking towards where she stopped before putting the box down at her feet.

"No Sam, I have the most amazing idea, a way to help these kids, I can't let them be split up, but I need to know you meant it, that you want this, coz if I do this, we do this, there is no going back, ever. I'm ready to do this, but I need to know you're ready to do it this time, that you won't walk away".

Andy had stuck her hands into her back pockets as she spoke, a clear sign that she was opening herself up in this conversation.

"Andy, I meant what I said, all of it! If you're giving me a chance, I'm not ganna waste it, I'm not gonna let you go, but if you're not ready for that step, then we wait it out until you are, no matter how long it takes, I will wait until you're ready". His words were soft, but caused Andy's smile to widen.

"Okay".

"Okay?".

"Okay we're gonna do this, but first, I've gotta tell you something I really wanna do". Andy bit her lip as soon as her words were done, making Sam slightly worried about what she wasted to do if it was causing hesitation to spill from her.

"Andy? It can't be that bad, you know you can tell me anything right?". Sam took hold of Andy's arm, pulling her hand out her pocket, before holding onto it, tightly.

"Okay, I wanna give away my dad's house, my house". Andy sped the words out before looking down, anticipating an explosion from Sam.

"Okay". Was all she heard from him before looking up to find a huge smile on his face, dimples bared to the world.

"That's all you're gonna say? Okay?".

Sam nodded before pulling her closer, just a fraction.

"Yup, coz if you give away you're house, you're gonna need a place to stay, so...and I heard Natalia found a home but Jonno is staying?".

"Jonno?".

"Yup, his friends call him Jonno".

"He told you that?".

"Yup".

"So what do you think if I let the family taking her stay in my house, so they can stay together? The only reason they're not taking both is coz they can't afford to, but if they stay there free, they'll stay together, we can fix it up a bit maybe paint it out, its only a two bedroom, but we can change the dining room into an extra bedroom, or the sunroom...".

"Andy, slow down, you've gotta speak to them first, I don't even know if it'll be allowed, or if they'll want to".

Sam was always her voice of reason, but this time his reason was to stop her from setting herself up for more heartbreak.

"You're right, sorry". Andy felt her blush return, but she felt like a kid on christmas morning.

"So you don't think its like a weird idea or something?". Andy said as she let go of Sam's hand and nodded towards the box, hinting that he should take it inside.

"No, I think its the best idea you've ever had, and besides, it gets me you, so there is no way I'm against it".

"Sam!". Andy swatted his arm playfully as they walked back into the house.

"What?". Sam smiled at her, this was probably his second proudest moment of her. The first was still the fact that she so willingly was prepared to trade her life for that of a child the day she took the grenade.

"Janice, can we talk?". Andy said coming to a stop in front of the woman again.

Two hours later, they left St Marks. It took them that long to convince Janice that they were serious about letting the Mullers move into Tommy's house, free of charge. It didn't surprise them that she was doubtful, and put up a fight about it, coz people just don't do that. Janice finally gave in and gave the Mullers a call to arrange a meeting, a few days later, once Andy was able to sort things out.

When they drove home, or wherever Sam was taking them, Andy stared out the window, her face creasing slightly as her thoughts spread out over her face. Andy was nervous about where her decisions were leading her, towards co-habitation. That was a really big step for her. Especially so soon.

"You're doing it again". Sam said as he pulled up outside Tommy's house, snapping Andy out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry what?". Andy mumbled, not really focusing on what he was saying.

"You don't have to do any of this Andy, if you're not ready...".

"Sam, its not that. We still have a lot to work through, I just dunno if I made a rash decision in the heat of the moment, you know. Trying to fix those kids...".

"Andy if you had said, 'let's take the kids home' instead of 'can I give them my house', I would have still said yes". Sam mumbled as Andy froze on the top step, dropping the keys as she heard his words.

"Seriously?". Andy turned to face Sam as he came to stop behind her, his hands in his pockets.

"Yup. We're ready for this now. Before we weren't. I was too stupid and to scared, you were too untrusting and hesitant. You were just starting out your career, I should have waited a little longer. I get that now, but then, then it was just too much, too out of control. I don't regret being with you then, I just don't think we were ready. But we are now".

Andy thought over his words and realized he was right. A large amount of their relationship had been based on the forbidden, on the adrenaline of the moment, on the fact that each wanted what they were then not really allowed to have, and the simple fact that everything they had been through was mostly dangerous situations, her getting shot, the laundrymat, the blackout, the Brennan case, the grenade. Suspension, Jerry, they were all tied to the same thing. There had never been a just Sam and Andy, never been normal.

"You're right". Andy said bending to pick up the keys, to hear Sam dangle them out in front of him, she hadn't even noticed he picked them up.

"But, isn't it...I mean don't you think that we're doing it all over again? I mean me moving in... Sam?". Andy didn't even know where the sudden panic was coming from. The moment she saw Sam with Johnathan, digging in that box, she knew she was ready, she knew this was what she wanted to do, so what the hell was wrong with her now?

"If you're not ready for that, then I'll wait. I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer. You have time to change your mind. This time we're gonna do things the normal way. We're gonna go on dates, we won't be working together, so that will give us some space, we're gonna take one step at a time Mcnally. And we're gonna talk". Sam said, noticing that Andy took a tiny step towards him.

He returned it, by taking one towards her, holding out his hand, waiting for her to take it.

"You're serious, aren't you".

"Never been more serious".

"Okay". Andy said, her hand finding its way to his before she saw the dimples come out.

"So that's a yes?".

"Yes Sam". Andy felt herself being pulled forwards a little more before hearing a loud knocking on the door and a groan from Sam.

The movers arrived and soon emptied Tommy's house, packing up years of Andy's life into the back of the truck.

"You do know how awesome you are, don't you?". Sam whispered in her ear as she watched the back door of the truck close.

"Yeah?".

"Absolutely! So what now?".

"I guess I've gotta start on my stuff now, and the boxes I'm keeping. I'm back at work after re-certification in three days, and then we wait to see what the Mullers say".

"Okay". Sam said before stepping out the door.

"I'm gonna go do some stuff, and grab some dinner so I'll be back here at about six, to pick you up?". Sam said, a cheesy grin all over his face.

"Okay". Andy said, rolling her eyes before closing the door.

As she turned away, she heard a knock, and opened the door to find Sam standing on the doorstep.

"Forget something?". Andy said leaning on the door.

"Nope, you did".

"Huh? No I didn't".

Andy thought hard and fast and she was sure she didn't forget anything.

"Really? So I don't get to give you this?". Sam said leaning in towards her, almost touching his lips to hers, before pulling away, muttering 'okay' and leaving.

Andy could have sworn her heart stopped. Did he really just do that to her?

"Not funny Sam!" She yelled after him, to see him turn around and shrug, wearing a wicked smile before she closed the door.

Looking at her watch, she saw it was four hours before six would arrive and he'd be back, it was going to be a long four hours, she sighed before making her way to grab an empty box and start packing.

*****okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave bu using the little box underneath here - .͡▹

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews as usual, you guys make my day & blow me away! **

**We're nearly at the 200 mark, so thanks, you guys deserve something, so I'll give my readers all an awesome award! **

**This chapter is for everyone that has ever reviewed, and all my regulars!**

**Thanks to Kelly2727! **

**Chapter 14**

**Sam sent Andy a text saying he would be by at seven thirty, he was still really busy and was sorry for being late, but he had to finish before he came for her. **

**In a way Andy was relieved, the extra time would be enough for her to finish packing and grab a shower before he was there. **

**Sam arrived twenty past seven, wearing the smuggest look Andy had ever seen. He just looked so impressed with himself, that she could feel it ignite the room when he stepped in. **

**Not that any exra fuel was ever needed to ignite anything, there was way more than enough of that. **

**"What did you do?". Andy was just too curious to curb her own words. **

**She could feel the anticipation dripping off him, but this was so different than ever before. There was an undertone of...uncertainty lingering behind his eyes, almost as if he wasn't sure about something. **

**"Nothing". Sam said motioning towards the door. **

**"What do you wanna take now?". **

**His tone was flat, but held so much excitement that he was failing to contain, Andy nearly let out a giggle. **

**"Just these". Andy waived at two duffle bags and the pillow clutched under her arm. Seeing Sam eye the pillow, she rolled her own, before stepping out the house leaving him staring after her. **

**The drive over to Sam's was filled with friendly banter, before he pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. **

**Grabbing her bags, he handed her the keys, before walking up the steps to stand and wait for her to open the door. **

**Once in the house, delicious aromas assaulted her nose, as the smell of food made her stomach grumble in apprehension of tasting what smelt that good. **

**"I thought you were grabbing dinner?". **

**"Not today". Sam said heading for the bedroom, bags in tow. **

**"Okay". Andy mumbled following behind to stop short when she came to the doorway. **

**The entire bedroom had been rearranged, the bed moved over to the window, and a second set of drawers stood next to Sam's. **

**Sam slung the bags onto the bed and turned to see Andy lost in thought as she looked around the room. It was much lighter, where he had darker curtains, they were a different shade, now they were black with silver and gold lines running down the length. The bedding was a different shade too, more of a creamy brown/gold color to match the curtains, with black and silver pillows tossed carelessly all over the bed. **

**"You were really busy". Andy said adding her pale blue pillow to the collection on the bed. **

**"Yup". Sam said, smiling in return of her approving smile before pulling her hand and leading her towards the kitchen, motioning for her to sit at the island while he moved around grabbing plates, opening beers and setting about dishing up. **

**Andy watched in awe as he went to work. He really knew how to make a kitchen look good. **

**"Sam, that smells really good, but pizza would have been fine". **

**Sam stared at her, shocked that she had no clue whatsoever. **

**He had never seen her more clueless in fact. **

**"Where's you phone?". He asked eyeing her through half closed lids. **

**Andy retrieved her phone from her pocket to wave it around, showing a dead screen. **

**"I kinda can't remember where I packed the charger, so its kinda flat". **

**"Oh, okay so I know pizza woulda been good, but we have to eat, I need to show you something". Sam said sliding a plate over to her. **

**He had made lasagna and garlic bread with salad, so who would wanna say no to that? **

**An hour later after dinner and dishes, Sam grabbed his truck keys, pulling Andy out the door. **

**He watched her as he drove, recognition setting in, as she realized that he was taking her back to the park, where he carved on a tree for her year after year. **

**Getting out the truck he walked around to Andy, who reached out for his hand, surprising him, as she clung to it as they walked. **

**Stopping in front of the tree, Andy noticed a new carving etched in the wood, a familiar date. **

**Today's date. **

**"Happy birthday Andy". Sam said as he leaned over and gave her temple a soft kiss. **

**She had been so preoccupied with life, she had forgotten her own birthday. Clamping a hand to her forehead she let out a soft giggle at her own stupidity. She hated celebrating her birthday, but she had never forgotten it completely, although over the years she had wished that she could have. **

**"I forgot my own birthday". She giggle out. **

**"I know". Sam said pulling her back towards him after she had stepped away. **

**She suddenly found his hand right in front of her face, as she opened her eyes, and took her hand away from its resting place on her hairline. **

**"Sam?". Andy asked, questioning the tiny silver velvet bag that hung from the tip of his finger, as though he was taunting her with it. **

**Andy reached out and took the bag, just as her face flooded with red, partially at her stupidity and partially at her surprise. **

**"You didn't have to...". **

**" But I wanted to". Sam cut her words off, as she gently pulled the drawstrings of the bag open to reveal a gold charm bracelet, as it flickered in the moonlight. **

**Lifting it out slowly, Andy gasped at the fact that there were so many charms attached to the bracelet. **

**"Sam..."**

**"Not another word okay?". Sam mumbled as he took it from her fingers. **

**"This disc has your badge number on the front, mine on the back" he said pointing to the plain gold disc dangling at the one end. **

**"Tiny handcuffs, and a key, a car for the cruiser, coz they didn't have one, a gun, all work related. Then the sun, the moon and the stars, coz that's what I wanna give you, a cross for Jerry, and one for your dad, a heart, coz I know I stole yours, and another coz you stole mine, a three for the years we took to get it right, a set of teddy bears for you and Nash, a bell for the Collins and Peck wedding, a clown for my stupidity, a dog named Boo, and a tiny little promise ring, with the promise to love you until you say yes". Sam ran his fingers over each tiny gold charm, mapping out their relationship as he explained their meaning, while the bracelet lay resting across his open palm. **

**"A dog named Boo?". Andy rolled her eyes at that, choosing to focus on the one thing she could away from the seriousness of what Sam was actually saying here. **

**"That's the one you choose to debate about?". Sam said knowing full well that her mind was deflecting from the very last charm. **

**"Yeah well, why Boo?". **

**"I have no idea". Sam said chuckling softly, it sort of just came out. **

**"Okay. Thank you Sam". Andy said dropping the conversation as she leaned over to kiss his cheek, when he turned his face slightly and planted his lips to hers, causing a small squeak to come out from her surprise. **

**"Sam we're in the park". Andy mumbled after an immeasurable amount of time had passed. **

**"So?". **

**"We can get arrested for...I dunno, public indecency or something". Andy giggled out breathlessly. **

**"Mmmm, you, me, a cell...". Sam words died on his lips when Andy punched him in the arm. **

**"Okay, okay". Sam said as he pulled Andy's arm up to clip the bracelet around her thin wrist. **

**"So, I um... Kinda went to see the Mullers too". Sam said taking a small step back in case Andy freaked out. **

**"Why would you do that?". Andy said as she turned to start walking back towards the truck, her heart plummeting slightly by the words that could follow. **

**"Andy, wait, its not bad news". **

**Sam called out before she stopped, her face slightly lingering between happiness and expectation. **

**"They kinda said no at first, that it would be hard for Mrs Muller, so I took Jonno with me and went to see them. I told them that you only wanted the kids to stay together, and when they saw him, it was like their hearts melted. They agreed, but there are a few terms to them agreeing, so we need to talk about it, and let them know by tomorrow, so they can give notice on their apartment, its the first of the new month so...". **

**"Sam just say it". Andy's face filled with curiosity and fear at the same time. If that was even possible. **

**"They will only agree on condition that the children be removed together, if Mrs Muller gets too sick, so I kinda agreed to that...". **

**"What?". Andy shrieked out in disbelief at hearing that the kids would be removed again and thrown back into the system. **

**"Sam, why would you even say that? After..."**

**"Because I agreed that we would take them". Sam sorta yelled back, his voice firm and loud to convey his message across to her, standing three feet away, really pissed with him right now. **

**"You what?". Andy's voice came out broken and wavered until it spilled into stunned silence. **

**"Andy, I know I should have spoken to you first, but when they said that, it just kinda came out. I know its like totally outrageous, but in that moment I could actually see us doing it. Not now, later, if and when its needed. They said that any person willing to give up a house for people they didn't know, to keep two kids they didn't know together, would be the type of person that they would want to raise their own kids, so they called Janice and told her they accept on that condition, that they would even pay the rent they're paying now to you, if it meant the kids would be together if they couldn't keep them anymore. I'm sorry if I jumped the gun on this, but I know that this time its gonna work between us, that there is no going back, coz I don't wanna go back, and yeah I never had the five year plan thing going, but now, now I've got the whole lifetime plan going, so when I said that I said it because I really believe that there is the chance that we will be okay if that time comes, and that we could do it, because I wouldn't wanna do it with anyone but you, and you with kids... I know you were scared of having kids before, scared you'd feel the need to run like you're mother, but seeing what you're willing to give up for two orphans, that just blew me away, you let that fear go somewhere along the lines, and the picture of you raising kids with me, our kids, other peoples kids, that was one picture I couldn't let go". **

**Andy stared at Sam with one thought running through her mind- Wow. **

**Had he really just said all that? Did he really do that when they threw the offer on the table. Was he really willing to do that? And do this, them, longterm? **

**Andy let out a long sigh, as she bit on her lip, how could she say no to that? Especially when he was being that brutally honest. **

**"Sam...". **

**"Don't say anything now, okay, sleep on it". Sam said holding out his hand which she unconsciously hesitated to take before walking them back to the truck. **

**They drove in silence, and for the first time they were together in the same cramped space, and it was awkward. It was unnerving and unsettling. **

**Sam felt like a total ass again, this time for ruining her birthday, and for putting pressure on her when they were finally just finding their footing. **

**Andy kept sneaking glances towards Sam as he drove, her heart and her head at war with eachother over the answer she suddenly found herself wanting to blurt out. Her heart was screaming yes when her brain was whispering soft No's in the background. **

**She wasn't ready, they weren't ready. **

**Arriving home, the tense atmosphere moved with them from the truck to the lounge when they walked in, Sam lingering in the hallway, while Andy loitered towards the bedroom. **

**Andy went into the bathroom in silence, grabbing a quick shower before throwing on her pj's and making her way to bed to find her coffee standing warm and waiting next to her side. The small gesture made her smile, as her heart's screaming began to drown out her brains logic. **

**Sam grabbed a t-shirt and boxers and nodded towards the bathroom, in silence, the awkwardness following them around as though it was stuck there between them. **

**Sam came out the bathroom to find Andy had fallen asleep, too tired to wait for him to finish showering to give him the decision he didn't know she made. Leaning down he gave her temple a soft kiss, before brushing a stray strand of hair from her face and whispered 'I love you' in her ear before grabbing a pillow and heading for the couch. **

**Andy woke up to her hand finding emptiness when it unconsciously went in search of Sam even though she was wrapped deep under the effects of slumber. **

**Her head popped up and her eyes open to find him and his pillow missing. **

**Moving into the lounge, Sam's soft deep breathing told her he was asleep, as she let her eyes adjust to focusing in the dark. She found him sprawled out on his back, one arm under his head, the other attempting to keep hold of the blanket that was slipping off. **

**Andy stood for a moment taking the sight in, the sight of him peaceful and content, which was a rare sight. Even though he was sleeping on the couch for some unknown reason, he looked kinda happy. **

**Stepping silently over to the couch, Andy lifted his arm as gently as she could before prying the blanket loose of his grip, lifted it up and slid in next to him. **

**The second her head hit the pillow, Sam rolled on to his side and smiled at her as he moved back so she could find a space on the couch. **

**Andy turned to face him and smiled back, for no reason other than she could. **

**"Hey". She whispered, embarrassment flaring up her neck and cheeks. **

**"Hi". Sam mumbled back, still looking at her in search of an explanation as to why she was sneaking around in the middle of the night, and why they were whispering when they were alone. **

**"Sorry to wake you". Andy said closing her eyes for just a second to gain her bearings. **

**"Its okay. You okay?". Sam whispered back, his arm slivering out to wrap around her and pull her closer, coz although she was right there, she was still to far away. **

**"Yeah, I'm sorry about earlier. It just feels like everything is moving too fast...". Her words made Sam pull his hand back as though she had caused his skin to burn. **

**"I didn't mean it like that Sam". Andy said opening her eyes the instant they lost contact when his hand retreated from its resting place on her back. **

**Sam waited for her to continue, knowing she had more to say, but let his arm move back to where he had it seconds ago. **

**"You know when you're on a Ferris wheel, you know you're gonna go up and around? Its kinda like that. You know its gonna happen, but you still get all shaky and nervous inside? But you go up, and you totally love the feeling? That's kinda how I feel right now". Andy groaned at her own interpretation. That just sounded so stupid. **

**Sam shifted up a little so he was looking down at her before he took his turn in seeking reassuring words. **

**"Andy if its too much too soon, I'll back off, I told you I would wait, and I meant it. I love you, and now that I actually have you back, I'll do whatever it takes...". Sam's words were suddenly just swallowed when Andy leaned forwards to steal his words with her lips. **

**When Sam felt Andy slip her hand to the end of his shirt, he literally broke their connection by almost jumping upright and off the couch before noticing Andy's panic stricken face peering at him in the darkness with wide sad eyes. **

**"We're not going there Andy, no matter how much I want to right now, its not gonna happen". Sam whispered as he reached out and took one of her hands before gently squeezing it. **

**Remembering the last time they were this close, Andy felt a wave of guilt replace the slight rejection she felt as the memories washed over her. **

**"Sam if this is about what I said about it being a one night stand...". Andy saw the sadness creep into Sam's eyes as she verbalized the memories, bringing back a twinge of hurt with it. **

**"No its not, not totally anyway. I get that when you said it, you needed to put something between us long enough so you could leave, but its not just about that". Sam looked away, almost as though he was feeling really embarrassed. **

**Andy sat up, her one eyebrow lifting enough to be seen in the darkness as she sat pulling on Sam's jaw with a feather light touch to turn him to face her. **

**"Then what's it about?". **

**Andy watched Sam closely, his other hand moving up to run through his already pillow tousled hair. **

**"You were under as a semi-junkie when you were gone right?". Sam's tone shifted slightly to hold a teasing edge to it, and Andy knew she was setting herself up for a hard fall when she nodded. **

**"Okay, so last time I checked, junkies aren't to religious about their birthcontrol regime, so I don't suppose you acting as a junkie were either then, so nope, so not gonna happen". Sam let go of Andy's hand as she flopped back down on the couch, in a fit of giggles as Sam lifted her legs and stood up. **

**"Bring my pillow when you come to bed". Sam grumbled before walking towards the bedroom. **

**Andy finally let the giggles subside, as she got off the couch, grabbed Sam's pillow and went back to bed. He was right, but just the way he said it, well it was cute and funny. And for bad-ass Sam that was just so wrong. **

**Throwing his pillow at him, Andy climbed in under the covers whispering a soft 'I can't believe you said that' under her breath as she lay down. **

**"Shut up Mcnally". Sam grumbled again. **

**"Sam seriously?". **

"What is wrong with me saying that?".

"Nothing, it was just...wrong. We've never actually had this conversation". Another fit of giggles escaped Andy's lips, which caused a growl to resonate from Sam in return.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I actually woke you up for a reason by the way".

That perked Sam's attention, as he turned to face her again, this time more space between them.

"Okay so I know I was supposed to sleep on it, but you did the right thing by saying what you said. Once the initial shock wore off, that you actually said something like that, I totally agree with you, when you say we're ready to do this. And I'm sorry I kinda freaked out when you said we'd take the kids if we needed to, but you know what? It'll take time before that happens, so by then, we'll be in a better place". Andy let out a long sigh as soon as the words were out.

She was thinking them, so why couldn't she say them as easily.

"Sam?". Andy was beginning to wonder about his silence as it wore on.

"Yeah?".

"Thank you". Andy said before rolling over and snuggling back into Sam.

*****okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave bu using the little box underneath here - .͡▹

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	15. Chapter 15

_**As always thanks for all your awesome reviews! They really make my day! **_

_**Welcome to the newbies & thanks as always to my regulars, & Kelly2727. **_

_**Chapter 15**_

_**Andy returned to work two days later, wondering what Sam would be doing about Guns and Gangs now that she was back. **_

_**The thoughts of Guns and Gangs alone was enough to make her heart shudder. **_

_**The questioning thoughts always lingered in the back of her mind, but she kept them pushed down, not wanting to upset the peaceful balance they seemed to find. **_

_**The Mullers had agreed to the deal Sam and Andy put on the table, and gave their months notice for their apartment, while Andy's lawyer drew up a 'free living agreement' including clauses the Mullers insisted they add regarding the children, namely that should Mrs Muller become too ill from the MS, the children would be placed in Sam and Andy's care. **_

_**Sam had extended his leave by a few extra weeks and was contemplating quitting, but kept the thoughts to himself, not wanting Andy to blame herself. Life was how he always wanted it, but in a few days he would be back to work, not knowing if he was coming home that night, or leaving for a UC. The thought of what that would do to Andy, as he watched her walk into the Fifteen made his decision easy. **_

_**Transferring back to Fifteen would be easy enough, he was already a detective, and he was sure Frank would sanction it willingly. **_

_**He spent some of his free time at Tommy's house fixing up a few things and painting for the Mullers to move in while Andy was at work. He even called Sarah and let her know he was dating, although he wouldn't call it exactly that. He just didn't tell her it was with Andy again, coz he wasn't sure she would handle the news too well after Oliver called her down to co-sign on the rehab forms in the little block labeled- forceful rehabilitation that required a family member to sign. He knew she sorta blamed Andy for his situation then, although it was his fault too, especially considering that he should know better. **_

_**Sam called Frank who agreed to the transfer and Sam went back to work refusing to take any other op other than manning the wires or interrogation until his transfer was signed off. Until his boss told him he had to wrap up all his open cases before that would happen as some of them had been in the works for over two years and handing them over would result in them falling apart. **_

_**Sam reluctantly agreed, and only told Andy that he was wrapping a few major cases up so she wouldn't worry if he came home late or didn't come home at all. **_

_**He even went so far as to promise her that he wouldn't leave in the middle of the night on a UC, and looked her square in the eyes while playing with the palm of her hand when he finished the sentence with the words 'I promise'. **_

_**That alone was enough to make Andy's eyes sparkle before they misted over and she whispered a soft 'I know' in return, because she knew that this time he meant it, he wasn't going anywhere. **_

_**Time drifted by, as the new month drew closer, and the Mullers and the two children moved into Tommy's house. Sam was working himself into the ground just to get the cases over with, and Andy, well Andy was secretly studying for the detectives exam. **_

_**Her taskforce assignments had earned her the right to be offered the opportunity which she willingly accepted, but kept a secret wanting to surprise mostly Sam when she was done. **_

_**There were days when she desperately wanted to blurt it out because her heart was weighed down by the fact that she was keeping something hidden away from him, keeping a secret, even though she was sure he would be proud of her because she knew that he would worry less if she wasn't working the streets. **_

_**Things with them were good, better than ever, and moving forwards. They were getting to that happy place they both so desperately wanted to reach but didn't know how. **_

_**And this time it was easy. **_

_**Time seemed to evolve from one month to two, then to four, with Sam wrapping up his last case, before he would surprise Andy with letting her know he transferred. Andy had a week and a half before her last exam, and hopefully her promotion to detective. **_

_**Life was just difficult at the moment, with both trying to keep secrets. At least they were good secrets. Sam wanting to do nothing more than tell Andy he was out of Guns and Gangs and never going back, he knew she would find comfort in the simple idea that he would always come home. **_

_**Sam came home from work one night, his mind far away, his face clouded over in worry. He had been acting kinda weird and distant for a week or two now, and Andy couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering him. **_

_**"Andy we need to talk". He suddenly blurted the words out, sensing her reading him. **_

_**She just knew there was something off, but never called him on it, and Sam was worried that she would think it was because of them, and slam those walls up to keep him out. **_

_**That was so not gonna happen! **_

_**He wouldn't allow it, ever. **_

_**"I'm on my last case, but I...I've gotta go away for a few days, three days max, but I promise it'll be the last time ever". Sam whispered the words into her hair as he came to stand behind her in front of the stove where her hands faltered at stirring the pasta sauce, and her whole body went rigid. **_

_**"Its not UC, I promise, the guy moved his op, so I've gotta go down there, just for the prep for the bust, that's it". **_

_**"You're going on the bust?". Anger radiated off of her as she sidestepped Sam's embrace before switching off the stove and walking off. **_

_**"Andy...". **_

_**"No Sam! You came to me and you promised on your own that you wouldn't do anymore UC's or busts or anything like that, I never asked you to promise that, but you did". **_

_**"Andy, look its my last one, my last case, I'm transferring back to fifteen". Sam couldn't let her believe he broke another promise, or leave with her thinking he would do it again, or leave with her mad at him. **_

_**He heard her gasp, before her face broke out into one of the biggest grin's he'd ever seen her wear. The sight was just breathtaking. **_

_**"Seriously?". **_

_**"Yup, I didn't wanna tell you, but I can't leave with you mad, and thinking I broke a promise again". He saw her face fall at the mention of the word 'leave'. **_

_**"When?". **_

_**"Tomorrow, they wanted me tonight, but I said they could only have me from tomorrow, coz you get me tonight". Sam added a wiggle of the eyebrows just to break the ice. **_

_**"Last one?". **_

_**"Last one". **_

_**"Promise me Sam!". **_

_**"I promise Mcnally, not going anywhere after this". **_

_**Andy couldn't fight the tears that threatened to take over. He was really trying, and really fighting for her this time. **_

_**But in the back of her mind she knew she would have three sleepless night, three worrisome days. **_

_**The hours sped by, soon dusk turned into dawn as Sam's time to say goodbye drew nearer. **_

_**Andy spent most of the night tossing and turning, undoubtedly having bad dreams over what could go wrong. **_

_**Sam spent most of the night watching Andy toss and turn, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Not pleasant thoughts. **_

_**He got up before Andy woke up, grabbed a shower and put coffee on before making her some and going to wake her up to say goodbye. **_

_**This just felt so wrong. **_

_**"Promise me one more thing Sam". Andy suddenly spoke causing him to jump the slightest when he didn't know she was awake. **_

_**Sam nodded as he put the cup down next to her on the bedside table, as she sat up, her hands fiddling nervously. **_

_**"Promise you will not be stupid, and you will not be careless Sam". **_

_**Okay, that shocked him a bit. **_

_**"I promise". Sam said bending over to give her one last kiss before he had to leave. **_

_**"I love you". Andy whispered, causing Sam to smile against her lips. Over the months since she had been back, it was the first time she had actually said the words to him. She said the carvings on the tree were wrong, it should have said 'Andy loves Sam', she had made references to the words, but she had never actually said them to him, since before he left her standing in the rain when he broke up with her. **_

_**He had on occasion said them to her, most of the time when she was sleeping, he would lean in and whisper the sweet nothings in her ear, until he got used to saying them to her when she had her eyes open, everyday. **_

_**"Do you mean that?". Sam said back, his heart breaking just a little at the fact that she said them now because he was leaving. **_

_**"Almost eight years Sam, never stopped". **_

_**"Almost eight, Mcnally and counting". **_

_**Sam repeated the words, lost in the moment. **_

_**Andy just rolled her eyes, as she pulled away. He was really so adorable sometimes, like know when all reality escaped him. **_

_**"I love you too!". Sam said before giving her another last kiss goodbye before he turned and walked away without looking back, knowing his resolve would break if he did. **_

_**Sam left tuesday, he was due back friday, and tuesday and wednesday just dragged on forever for Andy. She spent time with Nick and Gail after work on tuesday, with Traci on wednesday and alone at home on thursday when she was off rotation. Off on friday and saturday too. **_

_**Well mostly off. She had her detectives physical friday at six pm, but that would be in and out. **_

_**Friday finally crept around, with Andy waking up to a text from Sam saying he would be home friday night, by eight at the latest. He was really trying, even added an I miss u and lots of love at the end. The thought made Andy smile all morning, right up until her physical. **_

_**Leaving the doctors office, on a high, she was in peek physical condition, Andy caught sight of a truck exactly like Sam's across the street, parked outside a florist brandishing a closed sign, before she caught of him actually walk out the store, with a woman before he gave her a kiss on the cheek, a hug goodbye, got in his truck and drove away. **_

_**Andy stood there, watching as her world came crashing down around her when she saw something she obviously wasn't meant to. **_

_**Brushing away the tears she stared blankly at her phone when she dug it out her pocket, deciding what to do. **_

_**Go home?**_

_**Call Traci or Gail?**_

_**Call Sam?**_

_**Go kill Sam?**_

_**"Aarrrgggg". Maybe it wasn't what it looked like, maybe it was something else. **_

_**Andy unlocked her phone and sent a quick text. **_

_**' Still out of town?'. **_

_**Before she jammed it back into her pocket and hailed a cab. **_

_**In the cab, after giving the cabbie, her home address Andy felt her phone vibrate with a reply knowing the moment of truth had came, where she would know if he was lying or not. **_

_**'Yup, should be back by 7-8' **_

_**"Son of a bitch". Andy suddenly yelled, causing the cabbie to swerve slightly as the guy nearly had a heart attack. **_

_**Driving past the Penny, Andy looked up, to see Sam's truck parked right there, before she yelled at the cabbie to pull over, threw way to many notes at him, and slammed the door once she was out the car. **_

_**Andy stood across the street, and pulled out her phone, hitting the speed dial before she chickened out. **_

_**"Hey". Sam's reply was almost instant. **_

_**"So you're still out of town?". **_

_**"Yeah, I'll be...". **_

_**"Are you sure Sam?". **_

_**Oliver watched as Sam paled while listening to whoever was on the phone. **_

_**"Yeah, I'm sure". Sam hated lying to Andy, but with this, there was just no way around it. Turning back towards his drink Sam stared at it and then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, he knew something was wrong. **_

_**"So there is no way I'm seeing you sitting next to Oliver at the bar of the Penny now Sam?". Andy's voice was suddenly in Sam's ears, and not through the phone, but rather in the air behind him. And fuming. **_

_**He dropped his phone from his ear, and turned to find her staring at him, with wide watery eyes and a crap load of hurt written all over her face. **_

_**"Andy...". **_

_**"Don't you dare Sam. I saw you earlier, so don't even bother okay?". Andy had leaned in closer to whisper the heated words in his ear not wanting to cause a scene. **_

_**That wasn't her style. **_

_**"I would have at least expected you to be straight with me, if this wasn't what you wanted, you should have just said so Sam, you didn't have to lie about it!". Andy pulled back a little as her voice grew louder, and her eyes began to overflow. **_

_**"Andy... Wait...Andy". Sam called after her, but she was gone by the time his body reacted from his brains message to move. **_

_**"Brother, you are in so much trouble". Oliver chuckled out wearing a huge grin. **_

_**"What?". Sam couldn't believe that, that had just happened and Oliver was smiling about it. **_

_**"And I don't mean the Mcnally kind, no this is more like...the Mcswarek kind". **_

_**Sam shook his head as Oliver turned back to his beer, shaking his head and laughing. Regaining control of himself Sam was out the door in time to see Andy weave her way through parked cars of the Penny's parking lot. **_

_**"Andy". Sam took off towards her without giving it a second though, and managed to catch her before she reached the pavement on the other side where she could hail a cab in the street. **_

_**"Go away Sam". She shot the words over her shoulder just as his fingers wrapped around her arm, yanking her to a stop as Sam moved around her. **_

_**"Andy, its not what you think, please let me explain". Sam's face was covered in serious panic as he took in her features. **_

_**"Really? I saw you with her Sam, before I sent the text, and you lied about where you were, even when I was standing looking at you. Do you have any idea...". **_

_**"Wait, you saw me with who?". **_

_**Sam wasn't quite getting where this was going, but he had a really bad feeling about it. **_

_**"The woman at the Florist Sam, and you know what? She can have you, I'm so done with this". Andy tried shaking Sam's hand off and stepping around him, but he wouldn't let her. **_

_**"No! No, you've got it all wrong Andy, I promise it wasn't what you think". Sam was trying to get her to look at him, but she wouldn't, everytime he put his fingers on her face to turn her to look at him she cringed away. Literally. **_

_**"Seriously? I've been here before Sam...". **_

_**"Stop Andy okay, its really not what it looked like, its...". **_

_**Andy tried moving away, but again Sam blocked any attempt she made to escape. **_

_**"Its what Sam?". Her voice rose enough to draw attention of people arriving at the Penny across the parking lot. **_

_**"Can you explain it to me then? Coz I know what I saw Sam, because I...". **_

_**"Come with me?". Sam's tone was pleading. **_

_**"No Sam, I don't want to be anywhere near you, so you can just... whatever okay". **_

_**"No, Andy please? Just do this for me? Five minutes, that's all I need". **_

_**Was he for real? **_

_**"Five minutes?". **_

_**Sam nodded, he needed her to believe him. She had too. **_

_**"Thank you". Sam reached out for her hand, but she pulled it away, casting him a gaze in warning. **_

_**They walked apart to the truck, before getting in, and Sam pulled out in the direction of their house. **_

_**Pulling into the driveway, Andy was out the truck, slamming the door before looking down the darkening street as the street lights flickered on. Swiping away a loose tear, Andy felt her heart break a little more when she looked over at Sam to see him looking at her with a remorseful look on his face. **_

_**"Five minutes Andy". Sam sensed she was fighting the urge to take off down the street as she looked up and down it. **_

_**Andy nodded, before moving towards the house, as Sam bounded up the stairs and opened the door she swore she locked when she left, without using his keys. Sam disappeared into the house leaving Andy to wonder into the darkened house on her own. **_

_**She made it just inside the doorway before she looked up to see the woman from the florist, with a younger teen, standing in the lounge smiling warmly at her as she stepped through the doorway. **_

_**She did not expect that. **_

_**"Andy, Kim Sarah's cousin, and her daughter Melissa, guys that's Andy". Sam said smirking from where he was leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen. **_

_**"Sammy, we're done, so we're gonna get going, call me in the morning. Nice meeting you Andy". **_

_**The woman excused themselves and left leaving a bewildered Andy still lingering just inside the front door, as Sam just casually waved them a goodbye. **_

_**"My five minutes up yet?". Sam asked leering at Andy from under his lashes. **_

_**"Sam...". Andy sighed it out, knowing she had screwed up again. Royally. **_

_**"Andy, do I still have time left?". **_

_**"Yeah". Andy whispered before Sam pushed off the door frame and held out his hand towards her. Andy swept across the floor, letting her hand gently drift to his, before he twined their fingers in a tight grip and pulled her through the house towards the deck and back yard. **_

_**"Close your eyes". Sam whispered as they stopped in front of the closed door. **_

_**"Please?". He added when he saw her roll her eyes. **_

_**"Trust me okay?". Andy closed her eyes as she felt Sam lean forwards before hearing the door swing open and Sam gently wrap his hand around her upper arm before gently pulling her out onto the deck. **_

_**"Andy, before you look, I was away okay, and I lied about coming back tonight, I was back this morning at six. I feel really bad about lying, and when you thought the wrong thing, I swear my heart stopped. So this was why I lied". Sam let his words trail off, waiting for Andy to open her eyes and look. **_

_**Moving to stand next to her, he kept his eyes on her, waiting to see her reaction when she opened them. **_

*****okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave bu using the little box underneath here - .͡▹

I'd love to hear you're ideas on what Andy will see when she opens her eyes!

Thanks for reading!

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for taking the time to read up to this point, and leave such awesome reviews! Sorry life has been in the way, so I haven't sent out PM's again, but I read every single review! & they make my day, so please keep them coming! **

**Loved the speculation all of you had, about Sam's surprise, so let's see...**

**Thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727, welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 16**

**Andy opened her eyes to see the back yard looking like something mystical, something you would only ever see in the movies. **

**Sam had worked some Swarek magic, there was no doubt about it. **

**She gasped as her eyes focused and she let them roam over the once open space. **

**Now the edges were lit up with fairy lights, that ran right around the yard to where it joined the house, they were on the walls and the hedges even the stairs to the deck. There were bigger garden torches lit up around the yard, with a few chinese lanterns hanging where there was space to hang them. **

**There were more garden torches in the centre of the garden that seemed to be in some sort of formation, only they weren't alight. **

**Sam stood watching Andy, as amazement took over her features and her face softened, even to the point where he could see the tears glistening in the soft lights. **

**Sam held one finger to Andy, signaling for her to wait a second when she finally turned to look at him, before he walked down the stairs backwards and pulled a lighter from his pocket. **

**Weird considering he didn't smoke. **

**He stood watching Andy from the corner of his eye, as he lit the lighter and held the flame close to the first torch. The flame was lit up immediately, and suddenly it jumped, lighting up the torch next to it in a flicker of red, orange and yellow, before moving on to the next and the next. **

**Sam stood back, but kept his eyes firmly trailed on Andy as she watched the flames light up. He shoved his hands in his pockets, but his eyes never left her. **

**After about two full minutes of Andy staring at the burning torches, and Sam staring at Andy, she stepped back a little as if she was ready to flee. **

**Her feet seemed to be faltering in finding a path away. **

**Spelled out in words, lit by the torches, Sam had posed one simple question that at this moment terrified Andy so badly that she just burst into tears before running into the house like a whirlwind. **

**Sam watched as her face contorted into one of pure anxiety before it morphed into shock and then she bolted. **

**Sam took off after her into the house, to find her trying to yank the front door open but it seemed to be getting stuck on something and closing everytime she tried to pull it open. **

**Her foot was jammed to close to allow it to swing open, and everytime she yaked it towards her, it ricocheted against her foot and closed. But she kept trying desperatly to open it, and didn't even seem to register the fact that her foot was in the way. **

**"Andy?". Sam put his hand over hers on the door handle, willing her to look at him. She was freaking out and he had no idea why. **

**When she looked up, Sam felt his heart break, her tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes reminded him of the times he had put that look on her face and those tears in her eyes. **

**"Andy, please talk to me?". **

**"S-sam..." Her words were incapable of forming as she choked out a sob instead. **

**Not knowing what else to do, Sam pulled her hand off the door handle, and pulled her into him, crashing her into him as he wrapped his arms around her as she let go of her tears. **

**"Andy...I...". **

**Andy pulled back stepping out of his embrace shaking her head violently as if she was venomously denying something. **

**"No Sam...". But the words just wouldn't come out. **

**"Andy, please tell me what's wrong, I can't fix it if I don't know. If you're not ready for this, then say so, I will wait until you're ready to say yes". **

**"No Sam, I...I kinda really screwed up, and this kinda screw up can't just be fixed, and this...". **

**"Andy please just tell me?". Sam was moving towards her very slowly, hoping that his slow movements would not spook her. His face covered with concern as he tried to get her to relinquish her secret. **

**"Sam...I...I went for a detectives physical, before I came out and saw you across the street, and I was really happy, and even though I didn't know how you'd handle it, somewhere at the back of my mind I kept thinking that you'd be really happy too, like over the moon happy, and then I saw you, and everything went to crap, and you did this, and that...". Andy was waving her hand towards where the back yard was. "And I've kinda been waiting for this moment, like forever, and now that its finally here, I... Don't think I can do this, I don't think I can do this to you, coz I somehow made a screw up along the lines". **

**"Andy, what screw up did you make? Coz right now I have no idea what you're talking about". Sam still kept inching closer. **

**"Sam...I'm pregnant, and no I won't marry you, coz I know that...". Andy looked up to see Sam's reaction to her words as she let them slip out. **

**She watched him stop dead in his tracks, as the color drained from his face, his mouth flew open to vaguely resemble a fish out of water, before he slammed it closed and his jaw began to clench. **

**Sam knew he should have shown her how ecstatic he was when he heard her say those words, he was, truly, but the fact that she had referred to it as a screw up, just kinda pushed all happy feelings out of the way before over loading his system with a little fear and a whole lot of hurt. **

**"Andy...". **

**"No Sam, just don't say anything okay, I know you're not ready for this, I'm not ready for this, and what you did outside, that was before you knew, so I don't expect you to still want that to apply, so we can just disregard it, but no matter what happens I'm not...". **

**"NO!". Sam's voice suddenly rang through the air loudly, effectively cutting off Andy's words and letting her recoil backwards just an inch. **

**"Andy if you say you aren't planning on keeping the baby, you better stop that sentence right there, or so help me I will not be held responsible for my actions". Sam's voice was loud and forceful, causing Andy to back up a little at his sudden outburst. **

**Andy stared at him, was that really what he thought she was going to say? **

**"W-why...why would you even say that Sam?". Her voice didn't manage to hide the sadness that crept into it as her words filtered out into the air around them. **

**"You said you screwed up, I'm assuming that's what you're referring to?". Sam's face was still set in stone, although his eyes gave away his brimming anger with it flashing through them. **

**"I don't expect you to pay for my mistakes Sam, I don't expect anything from you right now, yeah my timing with this sucked, but that's the mistake, I didn't mean...No! How could you think I meant the baby was the mistake? The screw up?". Andy's voice still came out small and broken as she spoke. **

**"What? I thought you meant that, when you said you screwed up, before you said you... I am so sorry". Sam said stepping tentatively towards her, a really sad look across his face. **

**Things just got heated and sorta spiraled out of control on their own. Talking still didn't seem to be their thing. **

**"Stop. Andy, we don't do things the normal way, never have, never will, but hearing you say those words, it was the best thing I've ever heard, and if you had said them to me when we were on suspension, or three months ago, it would still have felt the same, it was like the most earth shattering thing, I swear I've never been so in ecstasy, so in heaven, with two words. Ever, thank you". **

**Sam waited hesitantly for Andy to respond to his words. **

**"Sam...". Andy didn't know which way was up and which way was down. **

**And she actually felt sick, as in literally. **

**"Andy, before you say another word, I want you to know that this does change things okay, a lot, even the way I feel about you, coz I think I just fell in love with you all over again, or even more, or... I don't even know how to say the words to what I'm feeling right now. But I still want you to think about what I asked you outside, and I know my timing was a little off here too, but it feels right, it felt right on tuesday when I left, and you said those three little words that I've been waiting months to hear you say again, and I want this, I want you, and I really want the baby, and I know this isn't what you signed up for when you agreed to give me another shot, and I've taken liberties with getting you to move in here, and with signing us up for those two kids, but this, this is so much more precious, thank you". Sam stopped in front of Andy, lifting her chin so he could see her face, as he noticed her eyes were still leaking. **

**"Thank you?". Andy tried to sound strong, but she was a little confused as to why Sam was saying thank you right now. **

**"For this". Sam said as he let his fingers brush over her stomach. She shifted her eyes down to his hand, before letting them sweep back up to his face where she noticed the mega watt dimpled grin adorning his lips. **

**His other hand came up to let his thumb sweep across her cheek, brushing away the few lingering tears. **

**"So no disregarding my question, no making it go away, its still there, if not now then when you're ready, I love you, and I don't care how long it takes, I will wait coz I know someday you'll say yes". **

**Andy was having a hard time keeping herself in check. Her emotions were running wild as the happiness slammed through her at hearing Sam's words. **

**She wasn't 100% sure he'd be happy about the baby, or the timing but hearing those words, they seemed to sweep the doubt out from under her feet as she saw the truth flash in his eyes as he spoke. They looked the same as they had the day she was holding the grenade, when he told her he loved her for the first time. **

**"Sam...I dunno what to say, I...". **

**"Don't say anything Mcnally". Sam leaned a little closer, one hand now firmly resting on her stomach, the other still resting on her cheek. His lips were a breath away from hers, when he stopped and held his face, waiting for her to close the distance. **

**This was all her decision now, her choice. He once told Oliver that they were so far apart coz that's how she chose it, how she wanted it, but now he could see he had his head so far up in the clouds with that thought that it was in actual fact him that forced the wedge between them and kept it there, keeping the gap between them open. **

**Sam closed his eyes, letting his breath flutter out over her lips, before he felt her move and crash into him with the grace of an elephant. Never had he been so happy to be bombarded by her than in that moment. He felt her arms wrap around him, pulling him impossibly close. **

**"So you're not mad?". Andy still needed the clarification of the situation to be reinforced. **

**"Andy if I knew hearing those words from you would feel this good, I would have knocked you up like almost seven or eight years ago". Sam chuckled out. **

**Andy pulled back with a mortified look on her face, did he really just say that? **

**Sam's words caused her to blush furiously, before she suddenly felt the weariness settle in on her. **

**She knew Sam believed that this time they would last, for forever and a day, and she was beginning to see that he was right, she was starting to believe that too, but getting married coz you're pregnant, that was not what Andy wanted, she did not want to be 'that girl', married coz she got 'knocked up'. But she could see the hurt flurry through Sam's eyes as he said he would wait, before she saw the honest sincerity replace it. He would wait once again for her, this time until she was ready to say yes. **

**Sam pulled away holding out a small box in his hand, before taking one of hers and gently putting the black velvet in her hand. **

**"Sam...I don't... I can't take it now...". **

**She couldn't. **

**"Okay, then when you're ready to say yes, it'll be around". Sam said smiling with mischief as he stepped away and left the ring box on the top of counter nearest her. **

**There was no sign of hurt, just disappointment, and a rather large amount of it, as she watched him point towards the phone. **

**"I've gotta call Sarah, and then Oliver, if you're...um okay with that?". Andy could see that Sam was literally bursting to share the news with the others closest to him, so she nodded before he stepped over to the phone. **

**Leaving Sam to his own inhibitions, Andy stepped back out onto the deck to watch the flames of the garden torches flicker in the light breeze. **

**Sam called Oliver before calling Sarah, watching Andy's every move silently seeking out any visible difference on her, but finding none. **

**He understood why Andy wouldn't say yes now, and he didn't hold it against her, he loved her a little more for it instead.**

**But while telling Sarah his awesome news, he thought of ways to break Andy's resolve on it, he had to because he wanted nothing more in the world than to marry her. Well except the baby. **

**He also knew that had he asked a little sooner he would have had a yes, but it didn't matter, he was still going to get it... eventually. **

**Watching Andy as she stared into the yard, as Sarah screamed in excitement in his ear about becoming an aunty, Sam couldn't help but let out a frustrated groan as he pulled the phone away from his ear to soften the damage his sister would inflict on his eardrum. **

**Andy turned to see Sam walk out of sight, a worried look on his face as he moved out of her line of vision. **

**The first thought that crossed her mind, was that Sarah was not happy. The second was that Sam was not happy. The latter caused Andy to break out in goosebumps. **

**Walking back into the house, Andy heard Sam's voice drift out from the kitchen, as he spoke to Sarah. **

**"...No, Sarah look its complicated okay, and I get why she said no, but I want this, and she's right. When she's ready she will say yes". **

**Silence followed as Sam listened intently to whatever Sarah said in his ear. **

**"I don't care what you think, this is about **_**her**_** and what**_** she**_** wants. I've waited for this for a long time and there is no way I'm letting her go, because it always been her Sarah, so I will wait as long as it takes, and if it means that I have to wait another fifty years for it to happen, then I'll wait. It doesn't matter if the baby is born a Mcnally coz I'm not married to its mother". Sam had his eyes closed as he spoke, not noticing Andy standing close enough to hear his conversation, or see the torment it was putting her through. **

**It was obvious Sarah was a little less than happy that Sam's first child was possibly going to be born under another name and the Swarek name. **

**"Sarah, she won't. This time she won't run, I won't let her, but she won't because she doesn't **_**want**_** to". Sam felt her presence and turned to face her with a look of dread filling his face. She wasn't supposed to hear any of this conversation, he would tell her about it later, but the kinder version. **

**To his surprise Andy stepped forwards and motioned for him to hand over the phone. **

**Sam sighed and reluctantly held it out as Sarah continued to babble incessantly on the other end. **

**Andy lifted the phone to her ear before mumbling a soft "Hi its...um Andy" before rolling her eyes at her subtle way of introducing herself. **

**How else was she supposed to say it? She had never met Sarah, or even spoken to her on the phone. **

**"Um okay, so I know you're not exactly thrilled right now, and I have no idea why, no I take that back, actually I do, but that's besides the point. I am having this baby, and I'm keeping it, I won't marry Sam now coz right now, that's not really important, even though I really want to, because this is what I've always wanted, he's what I want, its just complicated, but I will one day, because I love him, I really do, and I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that this is where I belong, where I should be because this is where I **_**wanna**_** be, and where I will be, and I have no intention of running away this time coz Sam's sorta made sure that I won't, but most of all I won't run coz he deserves this, and I know he wants this and so do I, just so you know that. I screwed up a lot in the past, and I can't promise that I won't ever do it again, but I promise that nothing will ever make me feel differently about Sam, ever, and that means that this is worth fighting for, coz I can never make up for everything I did in the past but I can try, by staying. And the baby will always be a Swarek, no matter what happens, Sam deserves that, and so do you, so please don't be mad at him, rather stay mad at me, and share this with him". **

**Andy ended her little rant rather breathlessly as she handed Sam his phone back, and whispered a 'I need to use the bathroom' before walking away defiantly. **

**Sam was speechless. **

**He stared at his phone before hearing Sarah calling him and snapping out of his daze. **

**"Sammy, seriously? Is she always like that?". Sarah let out on a huffed breath as Sam put the phone back to his ear, a grin spreading over his face. **

**"Yup". **

**"Well...I dunno what to say. I never expected that, but I can tell she meant it. She really seems to want this". **

**Sam was having a hard time guessing Sarah's take of Andy, she had surprised him too, but it was reassuring to know that she finally believed in them, and saw them having a solid future together. **

**"Yeah, she does". **

**"So if you feel that strongly about it, convince her to say yes. And bring her home soon, I think I'd like to meet her". **

**Sam's eyebrows shot up at that remark. Sarah had only briefly met Oliver and Jerry, years ago, as she still had a fear of people she didn't know. Never before had she asked to meet anyone Sam had been dating, not even the girl he dated for over five years back in the academy. **

**It was a big step for her to welcome a stranger into her house, and the thought made Sam's heart burst just a little more. Andy was a fixer by nature, its what she did, its who she was, and if that little speech got her a golden invitation into Sarah's personal space, then he had the feeling that Andy was gonna fix Sarah just a little more than she was. **

**"I will. But not before she says yes". Sam couldn't help but poke the sore point. **

**Hanging up Sam went in search of Andy as she still remained missing. Finding her curled up in bed, already asleep, Sam smiled at the content look she had on her face. Very few people ever stood up to Sarah, she was as hard a person as what he was, but having seen Andy put up a fight for him, to Sarah no less, that was just dumb founding. She really wanted this, and he would make sure that this is what she got. **

**Sam went to extinguish the garden torches and lock up before stopping in front of the ring box still resting where he left it. Picking it up he went back into the bedroom before leaving it next to Andy's side of the bed, where she would wake up and see it. Where it would be a reminder that he wanted this too. **

**It didn't really matter to him, she was here and she was staying. **

*****thanks for reading, leave your thoughts in a review!

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


	17. Chapter 17

**Sam took his transfer back to fifteen the same week that Andy did her detectives test. They told Frank that she was pregnant, but wanted to keep it quiet until after her test as she was only 4-5 weeks. **

**That would give her plenty of time to move to desk duty if she didn't make the cut. **

**Andy told Traci and was attacked with a tearful hug as Traci excitedly shrieked in her ear. **

**As always, thanks for spending time reading this! & leaving those awesome reviews! **

**Thanks to all the regulars & Kelly2727!**

**Welcome to any newbies!**

**Hope you enjoy! **

**Chapter 17**

**Sam started packing Andy snacks for work, siting health as the reason and not her impending weight gain, and everytime she opened the lunchbox, there sat the ring box. Every morning she woke up, the box was staring at her from her bedside table. **

**Even when she got out the shower, there it was nestled on the basin's counter. **

**Once Sam asked her to grab the milk out the fridge when he made coffee, and there on the shelf in front of the milk was the velvet box. That set Andy off into a fit of giggles, as she mumbled a soft 'seriously' before taking it out the fridge, walking over to Sam, put it in his hand and said 'no' again. **

**Sam just smiled and returned her sentiment with a reply of 'I won't give up'. **

**This carried on for six weeks. Everytime Andy looked there the ring box was, a silent promise that Sam was not giving up. Andy told Traci about Sam's proposal, to receive a disapproving look that made her feel shameful, while a shrieked 'are you insane?' Filled her ears. But after a lengthy chat Traci understood Andy's reasons for holding back. **

**As her bump grew, so did Sam's tendency to touch it. He slept with his hand on it, and would sit with his hand on it if they were watching tv. He even brushed his fingers across it whenever they were in conversation. **

**Andy often wondered if he even knew he was doing it. **

**Andy woke one morning, soft rain pattering down against the window as Sam's voice drifted through the remaining grogginess as slumber lifted. **

**She lay still, paying attention to Sam's words as they filtered through her ears, while his fingers drew random patterns on her stomach. **

**"One day I'm gonna tell you how lucky you are to have the best mommy in the world. She's gonna make sure you're healthy, and stay up with you all night when you're sick, doctor your knees when you fall, and she's gonna teach you to love just like her, and to be kind and gently, and she's gonna protect you coz she's gonna be a detective just like daddy, and she's gonna love you no matter what you do or how naughty you are, coz she's Andy Mcnally, if she can love your daddy so much, you better be prepared to be smothered with love, coz there is no better feeling than hearing her say it, and feeling it with everything she does". **

**Andy felt Sam's breath flush over the bare skin of her stomach as he spoke. **

**"You are gonna be spoiled rotten, coz that's what your mommy is gonna do, and daddy is gonna have to buy an extra gun, coz if you're a girl and you are as beautiful as you're mommy is, daddy's gonna shoot first and ask questions later. You'll be picking locks by the time you're ten, coz mommy is awesome with that, but daddy will teach you to drive, coz your mom kinda sucks at it, just don't tell her I said that, and you're gonna talk and ramble and have her allergy to silence, coz daddy loves it, and I really can't imagine you being quiet, and I don't want you to be. Aunty Sarah is gonna spoil you on birthdays and at christmas, and uncle Ollie is gonna teach you to grill bad chicken, and your Aunty Traci is gonna teach you that no matter what happens in life, you will be okay, uncle Chris will try teach you to do everything by the book, but you'll be defiant coz you're a gonna be a rebel just like us. You're uncle Dov will teach you that car chases are always awesome, and aunty Gail will teach you that you need friends, uncle Nick is gonna tell you that its better to be a cop, than join the army. And daddy is gonna tell you everyday how much he loves you and mommy". **

**Andy felt the tears prick the back of her closed eyelids as she listened to Sam's words. The only person he didn't mention was Jerry, and he probably would have said something like 'that saving a life is worth trading your own', or that 'losing at poker was worth spending time with your friends'. **

**Andy felt cold air sweep over her, as Sam backed away, before pulling the blankets over her, and heading for the shower. As soon as the water was running, Andy sent Traci a quick text before bouncing out of bed, and heading for the kitchen to put coffee on. Sam now had her drinking decaf, but hey, it was still labeled coffee. **

**Sam found Andy daydreaming in the kitchen sipping on her coffee, while his waited in the silver cup, ready for him to grab and go. **

**She heard him rush out the shower to answer a call about a suicide of a teen on Riverside Drive, and knew he want to leave as soon as possible so he could be back to pick her up for her doctors check up at 11. **

**Sam smiled as he kissed her goodbye, promising to not be late before he left. She smiled as she watched him go, and although he found it kinda weird, he smiled back. She usually had a longing look cross her face whenever he left, but today she looked happy, and he wasn't worried, he assumed it was due to the fact that they were going for her first scan and her detective results would be out today. **

**Sam left the scene of the suicide, a lot of sadness and anger coursing its way through his veins. A teen hung himself coz his parents wouldn't stop fighting, their relationship shifting from love to anger and hatred. They both drank and things often turned violent in a household that should have been a loving environment to raise children in. Now the parents would be planning their only child's funeral, because their focus had been on hurting the other, rather than raising their child. Sam read the kids suicide note and felt his heart break, the child was pouring out his heart, but it was too late, the fifteen years of his life snuffed out by his own hand to escape the pain. **

**Sam had called Traci and told her to stay away, the kid was around the same age as Leo, and a mother should never have to see that, even if its not her own child. **

**Sam cursed the system that was supposed to stop this from happening, supposed to help kids like this find a better life, or bring a family back together, as he drove back to the barn. **

**His mind drifted to the two kids that now had a future together because Andy was so selfless, and then their unborn child grazed through his mind. **

**The kid would grow up with two parents, that was basically the only blood relatives it would have. It would have an aunt in the form of Sarah, but they weren't technically blood related. There was an abundance of aunts and uncles in the form of their friends, and cousins in Sarah's two kids, and the kids of their friends. **

**There would never be a grandparent, or a real blood line aunt, uncle or cousin, but Sam did not find the thought sad, depressing or even a little wrong. The ties that bound them to others were stronger than any blood ties that could be forged, and Sam felt a sense of pride sweep through him, their child would be more blessed than any other child he would ever come across. **

**Another thought tugged at his heartstrings, if the time ever came when they would have to make good on their promise of taking two kids into their own home, he knew that the kids would be accepted into their circle fully, as if they were tied in by blood. They would be loved and cherished, spoilt, but raised to value life, and kept on the right path. The thought make Sam really happy, but sad at the same time, they were just two of hundreds that would make it out of they system okay. Not all the kids did, and today was proof of that. **

**Arriving back at the barn, Sam headed straight into his office before slamming the door and slumping down in chair. Cases like this, involving kids were always hard, but when there could have been a different ending to the story, it just pissed Sam off so much that it rattled his core. **

**Looking up his eyes met an unwelcome sight as he sagged out an exaggerated sigh. **

**That, he was not expecting. **

**Nestled squarely in the centre of his desk was a stack of hard covered books, with an envelope propped up against the small black ring box he left for Andy. **

**Hesitating for just a second, he reached out and snagged the envelope before taking a calming breath to still his nerves before ripping it open, no use prolonging the inevitable, he thought as he picked up the box, and unfolding the folded note. **

**'Dear Sam' was scrawled across the folded paper, causing Sam to almost let out a dry laugh. **

**Lifting the paper Sam let out a sigh of relief as his eyes consumed the words. It wasn't a 'Dear Sam, I can't do this note'. **

**Instead it read a few words. **

**'Dear Sam**

**I kinda read your envelope, the night of Gail & Nicks wedding, that's why I wanted to run, coz it scared the living crap out of me. Thanks for finally catching me & keeping me this time!**

**I've left my envelope, for one day, but decided to give you this instead, so happy reading!**

**Love always and a day**

**A'**

**Sam felt his smile take over his lips, as the fear and panic ebbed away into heartfelt satisfaction. **

**She was really planning on staying. **

**Pulling the pile of books over, Sam took a closer look at the top one and noticed that it was what appeared to be an ordinary diary, the large, hard back kind. Opening the top one, Sam noticed the date to be the year he took the Brennan case and went UC. **

**Paging through the first few pages, he noticed that the dates that graced each individual page were empty, until he found the page for the date he left. **

**Andy had briefly scribbled a note across the page, saying that she hoped he would be safe and that she was kinda pissed that he left. **

**Sam turned the pages, and let his eyes run over words that were becoming more frequent over the pages, notes to him, some about her day, even one that simply had an 'I miss you' scrawled across the entire page. That one was dated the morning after she first ran into him at the Alpine. **

**Her small sentiments grazed over their relationship, all the way into their suspension. **

**Everyday for the duration of their suspension, she had written him a note, telling him how much she wished he was there with her, and listed the things she did or saw that reminded her of him. **

**Sam paged through the first book before retrieving the second, it spanned the year after, right up until the day he broke up with her. Dated that night she had scribbled a short message about how she didn't hate him, even though he broke her heart. **

**Sam followed suite with the other books, as he had done with the first. Pages and pages of notes over the years filled the books, messages to him, tiny hand written endearments that spanned across the years, day after day, week after week. **

**Special dates in their lives were documented in her hand writing, birthday messages, christmas wishes, and happy new years, even the occasional valentines day, with three words at the end of every single entry she had written in- Love Always, Andy. **

**Sam paged through the most recent book, and came across a date a few weeks before he proposed, she had written how scared she was that she would mess things up again, how consumed with fear she was that there would once again be something that would descend on their lives that would rip them apart, because this time there would be no going back, no recovering from it. **

**Sam smiled at her honesty, even though he should be worried that she was overcome with the edgy side of fear that kept their relationship lingering on the edge of staying the same and moving forwards. **

**Paging back a few weeks, in typical male fashion- reading backwards by reading right to left, Sam found the dates around the time she decided to give up her house for Johnathan and his sister to stay with the Muller's, and found a heartfelt message to himself by way of Andy saying 'thanks for believing in me, and that I can do this'. **

**Scribbled under that was an added note, this time in blue ink instead of the black ink she always constantly adorned the pages with. **

**She had written ' Kids with you, now that a thought that scares me, but the only thing is, I can actually imagine it'. **

**Sam let out a another strangled sigh as his eyes took in the words, the was now the exact reason why she wouldn't marry him, even though she had said she would one day, and that she wanted this, to him, it wasn't soon enough. **

**Remembering the soft velvet clad in his hand, Sam put the book back down on the dark wood of his desk before bringing the box up to eye level and letting his fingertips run over the top. **

**If Andy wasn't writing him a 'Dear Sam' letter before disappearing, why exactly had she left the box with the books. Sam was feeling edgy and nervous about her reason behind that, and knowing his options were limited, he set the box down on the table and was holding his breath as his hands moved to gently pry open the lid. **

**Andy stood watching Sam through the glass door of his office, he was so lost in paging through her books that the whole world seemed to disappear from around him. **

**She heard his office line ring, but he showed no indication of even registering that there was a call coming in. **

**She watched as his face turned from the stoic look she had seem him sit down with to the soft, adoring expression that would grace his face whenever he spoke or looked at her. It was almost like he was picturing her saying the words to him verbally. **

**She stood for ages, contemplating knocking to get his attention, but she didn't wanna spoil the moment he was so lost in. She watched as a goofy grin spread across his lips, no doubt in her mind that he was reading about her chickening out of sky diving until she got the call about the time and date of her tribunal. **

**He seemed so absorbed in her world that she just didn't have the heart to disturb him. Checking the time, she saw they were still safe for making it to her appointment on time, so she left him to succumb to her words, until he set down the last book and she watched his brows furrow as thoughts plagued his mind while his fingertips clung to the ring box. **

**As Sam moved it to the table, and leaned in really closely to get a better view, Andy knocked on the door causing him to fumble with the box and almost drop it. **

**Andy opened the door as a mega dimpled grin spread over Sam's face. **

**"Um...hi?". Andy said stepping into the room as a furious blush crept over her face. **

**"Hey". Sam said as he jumped out of his chair and striding over to her in big steps as if he expected her to evaporate. **

**"So, um...read anything interesting?". Andy managed to stammer out, her hands nervously clutching eachother behind her back. **

**Sam let out a chuckle at her term 'interesting'. He had indeed. **

**"Yup". **

**"And?". **

**"What?". **

**"Did you read today's entry?". **

**Andy was sure Sam and her were riding different waves at the moment, surely he would have had a different reaction if he was on the same one, right? **

**"Today's? Nope". **

**"Aarrgg. Um...okay, I'm gonna go tell Traci we're leaving now, so I'll meet you outside?". Andy let her words rush out before she slipped a kiss on to his cheek and left the room, leaving a slightly stunned Sam standing in the middle of the room, a bewildered look on his face. **

**When Andy was out of sight, Sam returned to his desk and picked up the top diary before skipping pages to today's date. **

**The simple words caused Sam to drop the book, onto his desk with a load crash before reaching hastily for the ring box to flip the lid open and its contents missing. **

**Andy had written "The first day of the rest of our lives" in her neat, flowing handwriting. And the ring was missing, so Sam had a few thoughts bombard his mind. **

**A) she was referring to the baby and somehow lost the ring. **

**B) she lost the ring and was happy about the baby. **

**C) she had not lost the ring and was still happily referring to the baby. **

**Sam mentally shook himself straight before snapping the box closed and going in search of Andy, a clear sign of his impending madness the fact that the same thought ran through his mind twice, just in reverse the second time. **

**Sam didn't have to go far to find her, leaning against the truck, basking in the sunshine, he found Andy right where she said she'd be. She had her ankles crossed and her hands in her back pockets, hiding them from view. **

Sam made his way over, smiling widely as he neared her. She returned his smile, an edge of nervousness lingering in her blush.

"Hey". He whispered it just softly enough for her ears.

"Hi".

"So, ready to go?". Sam said opening the truck door for her to climb in as she nodded.

He made his way around after closing her door, his eyes catching sight of her lost in though as he opened his door.

"Something you need to say?". Sam couldn't bare the conflicted look she wore, and decided to break the silence before she blurted out the wrong thing.

"Um...yup, just a teeny-tiny little thing". Andy said holding up her thumb and forefinger to stress her point.

"Okay, so spit it out". Sam said waving his dimples around to assure her it was okay.

"Okay, so I kinda lied when I went to see Traci". She pulled an envelope out of bag and waived it under Sam's nose.

"Well, I did go see her, but I went past Frank to get my results, you know for my D's exam, and then I went to see Traci to ask her something, and I don't want you to be mad coz I asked her first, but I had too, to know it was okay".

Sam's brows furrowed slightly before he raised them and snatched the envelope out of her hand, to get an exasperated "No" from her lips before he could open it.

"No?".

"Yes, No! You know what I mean." Andy giggled out at her conflicting answer.

"Okay, so I've been thinking about, you know, naming the baby, I know its early, like really way too early, but this just kinda feels right, so I had to get Traci's permission".

She was babbling and she knew it.

"Okay...". Sam didn't get where this was going.

"So I was thinking I have the perfect name, it won't matter if its a boy or girl, coz it'll be a while before we find that out, but I really want this name". Andy just kept side stepping the point, sam could see she was more nervous than she had been in a while.

"It's kinda perfect, we can maybe change the spelling, maybe do it with a G, or ie, instead of a y, or whatever, but it'll still be the same".

"Okay, I'm lost, so maybe a little help here?". Sam felt like he was doing the fifth grade spelling bee.

"I want to name the baby... Jerry". She let the words spill out as anticipation flew over her face as she waited for his response.

Sam just stared at her, moments passing buy in silence, as her words sank it.

Andy began to fidget.

Sam began to fidget.

Sam grabbed Andy's hand, pulling it closer, the newly added jewelry on her left hand, warm to his touch.

"Seriously?". Sam whispered as she finally looked up at him, her lip being teethed as she nodded.

"I know, Jerry for a girl, but we can spell it G-E-R-R-I-E if we have to, I just really, really wanna do this".

Sam's already wide smile, widened even more.

She was serious.

Moving his free hand to her stomach, he let his fingers brush against the material of her shirt before whispering

"Hey Jerry or Gerrie, are you ready to see what your mommy's exam results are?". Sam said waving the forgotten envelope around.

"No Sam, not today. Tomorrow. Today is about us, tomorrow can be about work". Andy raid reaching out for the envelope.

"Nope, not gonna work tomorrow either, I got a call from Mr Muller, they want us around for dinner, so I said that we'll be there at seven. Mrs Muller is not doing the best, so they want us to start spending time with Jonno and Natalia, so I said its okay, we'll be there. And we get to introduce them to Jerry or Gerrie".

Andy felt sadness wash over her at Sam's words that such a giving person was on a short time frame in life.

"You have got to stop doing that! You sound crazy". Andy giggled out at realizing that he kept referring to the baby as Jerry and Gerrie.

"Only about you" Sam chuckled out as he pulled his hand away from her's and started the truck.

"And not so much my driving skills though". Andy giggled as Sam turned a deep shade of red.

"That's a good look for you Swarek". Andy said as Sam looked straight ahead, blushing in disbelief that she had heard him talking to her stomach.

For the first day of the rest of their lives, things were pretty awesome, Sam thought as he pulled out into traffic, towards seeing his baby's first pictures and a future that now included a future Mrs Swarek.

The End.

****** Thanks for reading, hope it worked out well!

Let me know what you thought of the ending in another one of those awesome reviews you guys like to leave.

I didn't include the foster kids, or andy's D results, coz I think you all can do you're own ending, with how you want that to go.

I will have a new one up soon, so hope you'll keep a look out for it!

Have an awesome day!

*****okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave bu using the little box underneath here - .͡▹

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©


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